{"id":7725,"date":"2024-01-13T07:46:13","date_gmt":"2024-01-13T17:46:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/delisahargrove\/?p=7725"},"modified":"2024-01-13T07:46:13","modified_gmt":"2024-01-13T17:46:13","slug":"fear-bucket-list","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/delisahargrove\/2024\/01\/fear-bucket-list\/","title":{"rendered":"Fear Bucket List – Free Yourself From What Binds"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

It wasn\u2019t until halfway up a 36-foot ladder leaning against nothing but a small ceiling trap door at the top that I realized I had a of fear not having a safety net. I stopped climbing and clung to the ladder that was bouncing after climbing each rung. I felt like I was suspended on a string in space and I froze.<\/p>\n

I knew that if I climbed up, I would have to climb down.\u00a0 Part of my brain told myself to climb down immediately from where I was.<\/p>\n

The other part of my brain told myself that I would probably never again have the chance to see what I was climbing to see. And I really<\/em> wanted to see it. I gathered my wits about me and climbed to the top.\u00a0 There, I learned that I had to kind of swing my leg around and off of what little safety and stability the ladder provided and climb into the ceiling. Seriously terrifying to me!<\/p>\n

But I did it!\u00a0 I felt so strong and empowered!\u00a0 The experience rewarded my new-found bravery.<\/p>\n

When I climbed back down, I stared solidly forward, not looking up or down.\u00a0 I made it back down the ladder to the carpeted floor\u2019s safety.<\/p>\n

My Fear Bucket List<\/h3>\n <\/a> Me jumping off 30-foot Waimea Rock into the ocean<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n* ** That experience changed me.\u00a0 For various reasons, I knew some fears festered in my psyche so I created a Fear Bucket List and set out to conquer my fears.<\/p>\n ** I jumped off cliffs, swam with sharks, tried scary-looking foods, did a hike I didn\u2019t think I could do, kept my nerve as I fought through a riptide (I didn\u2019t do that purposely, but it had been a fear), and various other typical fear things. I came to a point a couple of years ago where I couldn\u2019t think of anything else to do.<\/p>\n ** Had I really conquered all of my fears?<\/p>\n ** I sat the checked-off Fear Bucket List on a mental shelf and went on with my life.<\/p>\n ** Short List of Mutual Interests<\/h3>\n ** In one of our marriage chats, Anthony and I made, what turned out to be, a very short list of mutual interests. The ways we relax are totally different. What we need to fill our souls is totally different. So instead of dwelling on how we\u2019d evolved over the years to have nothing in common, we identified and celebrated the things we did have in common.<\/p>\n ** Riding motorcycles together is one item on that list. Before moving to Hawai\u2019i, we always had a bike we rode together. For many years I had my own bike.\u00a0 We loved our motorcycling adventures.<\/p>\n ** *I had a lingering medical issue where I\u2019d black out and blacked out one day in an intersection while riding my motorcycle to work.\u00a0 Totally freaked me out. I didn\u2019t ride by myself for a while after that.\u00a0 Someone approached us to buy my bike when we were moving, and we sold it.<\/p>\n Impact at Applecross<\/h3>\n*** ** ***One of Anthony\u2019s dreams was riding the road to Applecross in the Highlands of Scotland. Having served my mission in Scotland, I\u2019m always willing to return. So in 2009 we booked our trip, planned a stay on Skye where we rented two motorcycles from an amazing chap, and set out on our Applecross adventure.<\/p>\n <\/a> Applecross from applecross.uk.com<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n I\u2019ve written about that experience<\/a> several times.\u00a0 For the point I\u2019m making here, suffice it to say that I crashed dramatically in front of Anthony on a switchback on Applecross.\u00a0 He thought I was dead and going over the side of the cliff, and so did I. Conveniently, I lived.<\/p>\n We\u2019d had a scooter store, so still had a favorite nimble red scooter we took with us to Hawai\u2019i.\u00a0 I\u2019d go visiting teaching on it with my companion who also had a scooter.\u00a0 We thought we were so cool.\u00a0 At the time, we lived in Punalu\u2019u on the North Shore of O\u2019ahu which has one road to ride on.<\/p>\n While riding my scooter on Kamehameha Highway, I\u2019d flashback to the crash. I felt fear grip my chest and look for escape routes. Well, there weren\u2019t any escape routes aside from plunging into oncoming traffic or the beach or ocean. I stifled my fears and ultimately felt I\u2019d overcome them.<\/p>\n We sold the scooter and Anthony\u2019s motorcycle when we moved from Hawai\u2019i to Salt Lake City, Utah. He soon felt the need for his cycle therapy and bought another bike in Utah. I said I\u2019d rather spend the money elsewhere so we didn\u2019t buy me a bike.<\/p>\n During this time in Salt Lake City, I climbed the suspended-in-space ladder and created my Fear Bucket List. After moving back to Hawai\u2019i, I felt like I\u2019d checked everything off the list.<\/p>\n Adding to the Fear Bucket List<\/h3>\n***** ** Then we landed in Lubbock, Texas, with the small list of things we like to do together.\u00a0 Anthony actively searched for a motorcycle for me to drive or one to ride with him.\u00a0 He kept asking if it was something I wanted. I knew we both loved it and said, yes, but didn\u2019t feel drawn to rush out and buy anything.\u00a0 Plus, I\u2019m often freezing and riding in the cold does not interest me. That\u2019s one thing I kept repeating.<\/p>\n ** Anthony went to look at bikes.\u00a0 He took me back to test ride a big bike with the cushiest passenger seat I\u2019d ever experienced.\u00a0 But it wasn\u2019t the right bike for us.<\/p>\n ** Anthony found a Harley Davidson Sportster in excellent condition with low miles and scheduled a time to see it. Since it would be my bike, he asked if I could go with him. I told him I would but I would not test drive the bike with an audience. I trusted his opinion on its rideability.<\/p>\n ** Wow, what an awesome bike! He said it rode well. I sat on it to make sure the stance worked for me. It did. And we drove away.<\/p>\n ** At home, he asked about my reticence.\u00a0 It confused him. We talked about Applecross and how I hadn\u2019t really operated a motorcycle since then. I realized I felt some trepidation at the prospect of riding by myself again.<\/p>\n ** The next Monday, he messaged me to see if I wanted the bike. It was still available.<\/p>\n ** *****That evening, we bought the bike. I didn\u2019t get out of the truck. (It was cold!) Anthony had cold-weather gear and rode the bike home in 30-degree temperatures. He was giddy pulling into the garage.\u00a0 It rode well and was nimble.\u00a0 He said it handled better than my Honda did.<\/p>\n Back on the Horse(power)<\/h3>\n***** ** The next afternoon was a respite from the freezing temperatures.\u00a0 When he got home from work, I was ready to ride the bike.<\/p>\n ** We had a really long driveway from the back of the house to the street. I felt comfortable testing out my skills on the driveway and then progressing when ready.<\/p>\n ** Excitedly I got on the bike.\u00a0 I felt its power rumbling beneath me and I suddenly skidded across the Applecross asphalt again.\u00a0 The force of feeling took my breath away.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t turn off the bike, but I just sat there for a moment. I told Anthony what I was experiencing.<\/p>\n ** *****He\u2019s so compassionate and patient. \u201cWhen you\u2019re ready\u201d was all he said.<\/p>\n \u201cThis isn\u2019t Applecross,\u201d I told myself.\u00a0 I saw myself climbing down that ladder and climbing out of shark-infested waters.\u00a0 I could do this! I let out the clutch and began to move. <\/a><\/p>\n I thought I\u2019d be able to quickly overcome the fear once I got on the bike, but actually, I worked up gradually to the road.\u00a0 When I hit the asphalt and felt the acceleration and the wind hitting my face and hair again, I shouted out loud for joy, remembering all the awesome years of riding!<\/p>\n I felt so free.<\/p>\n I still felt flashbacks and said numerous prayers while riding.\u00a0 The Applecross experience seriously traumatized me. But I didn\u2019t consciously realize how that one experience bound me until I faced operating a motorcycle again. And when I made the conscious decision to shake off what bound me, I immediately felt free.\u00a0 After a couple of years riding that motorcycle, the flashbacks are minimal and the joy of riding has fully returned.<\/p>\n Facing Fears<\/h3>\n Other fears crop up periodically, like the Iron Rattler.<\/a>\u00a0 Because I\u2019ve practiced recognizing and facing so many fears, I\u2019m now more capable of facing them with faith and perseverance that wells up from some place deep inside.<\/p>\n This is what each new year, each new day offers us.\u00a0 We have an opportunity to face triggers and fears, even when we don\u2019t recognize them as such, and find a freeing fresh wind against our faces. We can be free from the things that bind us if we use those challenges as opportunities.<\/p>\n Good luck in conquering anything that binds you.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It wasn\u2019t until halfway up a 36-foot ladder leaning against nothing but a small ceiling trap door at the top that I realized I had a of fear not having a safety net. I stopped climbing and clung to the ladder that was bouncing after climbing each rung. I felt like I was suspended on […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3071,"featured_media":7734,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[16,3,38,17],"class_list":["post-7725","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-realization","tag-choose","tag-overcoming-trials","tag-strength","tag-weakness"],"yoast_head":"\nFear Bucket List - Free Yourself From What Binds - Spiritual Truth Seeker \u2013 My Tesserae<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"For various reasons, I knew some fears festered in my psyche so I created a Fear Bucket List and set out to conquer my fears.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/delisahargrove\/2024\/01\/fear-bucket-list\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Fear Bucket List - 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