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Reaching for the Hem of the Healer

Reaching for the Hem of the Healer

Last updated on: October 14, 2022 at 3:15 pm by Delisa Hargrove

Reaching for the Hem of the Healer 2022-10-14T15:15:10-10:00 Delisa Hargrove

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I’m sitting here with a chance to testify that the Lord never fails me when I’m reaching for the hem of the Healer, and I will do that.

While visiting family in Utah three weeks ago, I noticed a little painful twinge in my left ear. I shrugged it off to any number of innocuous causes. I hit the ground running when I arrived home; stress levels increased, sleep levels decreased. Four days after returning home, while playing at a musical fireside on Sunday, the pain became a dull constant. After wondering how a middle-aged person gets an earache, I began at-home remedies. The pain did not subside.

On Wednesday, I called my primary care physician. They couldn’t get me into the office until the following Thursday. I continued the at-home care until the pain exploded late Saturday night. Sharp, stabbing pain shot through my head relentlessly for hours.

At the Emergency Room

When Anthony woke up around 4 am and found me in such an agitated state, he piled us into the truck and we drove to the nearest emergency room. Apparently, 4 am on a Sunday morning is a really good time for an ER visit. After only a few moments, we found ourselves in a room being examined. The doc said it was an infection and rather than treat it, she’d rather send me to the urgent care clinic on the other side of the hospital complex. So we went there.

After waiting longer than we’d waited in the ER, the urgent care doctor confirmed I had a lower ear infection in my left ear. He prescribed some antibiotics but no pain meds because I wouldn’t need hardcore pain meds after the antibiotics started working. He did suggest some over-the-counter lidocaine ear drops.

At 7:30 am I fell back into bed with an ear full of antibiotics and a hope that I’d be on the mend soon. But that’s not what happened.

Growing Agony

I chilled out on Sunday, watching General Conference with home remedies and antibiotics at hand. Sunday night was another non-restful night. Monday dawned with an out-of-town work trip for Anthony. I told him to go. How bad could an earache get? He went. Monday afternoon I began to feel pretty good. The antibiotics kicked in!

Then Monday evening, my ear canal closed almost completely. I couldn’t get any lidocaine eardrops or anything else down the ear canal. In only a few moments, my ear had swollen like I’d been in a UFC fight. I’d never had a swollen ear like that before, and I’d never experienced that kind of pain before. Even a stray hair brushing across my ear sent me into convulsive pain. Internal pain intensified. It felt like groups of spears were constantly being fired into my head, like fireworks exploding in Ewa Beach on New Year’s Eve.

I roamed the house in agony. I very rarely take pain meds and all I could find was some Advil. It barely dented the pain. I couldn’t use heating pads or cold packs because nothing could touch my ear. So I used them elsewhere to try to calm my tense body.

Urgent Care Again

Anthony arrived home late Tuesday morning. He called the urgent care to see if I could get some pain meds prescribed. The nurse said she’d call us back after talking to the doctor. Anthony immediately loaded me up and hauled me back to the urgent care.

We were stunned by the number of people milling about urgent care. The wait time for patients on the board was 3 hours. We were at the bottom of what seemed like an infinite line.

You get to know people who are suffering and stuck in a small waiting room. Well, Anthony did. I sat in my corner trying to disassociate from the pain. One man said he’d been waiting for two hours just to get a prescription filled. He said his wife worked in the hospital’s kitchen and he didn’t understand why that didn’t give him some leverage in line.

Another man had been sent to the urgent care from the VA clinic with both feet bandaged and blood seeping out of the gauze. He was a boisterous biker, happy to share his life experiences with the room, especially after two of his buddies showed up to offer support. He told the room that the VA docs told him to expect to have both big toes amputated.

Blood began trickling through my cotton ball out of my ear.

Two and half hours into our stay in the waiting room the urgent care doctor returned Anthony’s call. She said the doctor I’d seen Sunday morning wasn’t there and they didn’t usually prescribe pain meds without seeing a patient. I said I was in the waiting room. She looked and saw that we’d been there two and half hours. She apologized compassionately and said she’d see me as soon as she could.

Opportunity Knocks

My first counselor Rebecca texted me saying her two teacher options had both had to back out of teaching the lesson on Sunday. She would still try to find someone but thought it was getting late to be asking someone. Would I teach? Sure, I responded. Surely I’d be healed by Sunday.

Hitting the Wall

At three hours, the little relief the Advil had given had totally worn off. The pain reached a pinnacle point for me and tears coursed down my cheeks. I sat sideways in my chair staring out the window, and I cried. I’d reach my wit’s end.

I suddenly flashed to hiking Ka’au Crater with my sister Daciana. I’d reached an endpoint for myself then too but was nowhere near the end of that hike. I leaned against the side of the mountain feeling pretty defeated. Daciana matter-of-factly said, “Delisa, you can sit and whine about all of the things that aren’t going right or stop whining and finish the hike. Your attitude is up to you.” Obviously, I finished the hike, and more than once, I might add. haha.

My memory revisited the sweat pouring off my body on that mountain. I felt my feet slipping in woefully slick shoes in the miles of mud. I saw myself climbing that mountain of waterfalls. I felt the wind on my face at the top. I felt the thrill of problem-solving over boulders and obstacles and lost paths. I felt the exultation of climbing up the last few boulders by the “Enter at your own risk” sign as we walked back to the truck. We finished our hikes.

My tears dried up. I could finish this hike.

We finally got into one of the three patient rooms and found our room next to the bleeding toe man’s room. His booming voice let us know the intensity of his visit that went on and on. How quick of a turnaround is a discussion about amputating limbs? We knew it would be a while and also wished the best for him.

Hitting the Wall again

At four hours, the tears came again. I didn’t care about the hike or any other motivating memories at that point. Nothing could distract me from the constant stabbing head pain.

Anthony went to the nurse’s station asking for some pain meds. Someone brought me 1,000mg of Tylenol which slowly started battling the stabbing. Finally, when the pain reduced to a dull roar, I was able to lay my head back on the window sill, steadying myself next to Anthony, and sleep for a few minutes. I hadn’t slept in so long.

At five hours, the doctor made an appearance. The infection spread from the lower inner ear to the upper ear. She gave me a steroid shot in the hip and added ear drop antibiotics to the medicine regimen. She inserted an ear wick to force the ear canal open so the ear drops would flow into the ear canal. She also prescribed pain meds.

At six and a half hours, we headed home, stopping by a friend’s home en route for a priesthood blessing.

Insufficient Pain Meds

Two hours into the pain meds they gave me, the pain started poking through. Startled, Anthony and I checked out the prescription—once every six hours. Three hours after the urgent care dosing, I felt like I hadn’t ever taken pain meds before. I couldn’t believe it! I felt so disheartened and discouraged.

I texted my pharmacist-in-training brother-in-law for help. I asked if I could alternate ibuprofen with the Tylenol/codeine prescription. He told me the daily dosage maximums for both. (He didn’t recommend anything, just told me the consequences of my choices.)

At 10:00 pm, I hunkered down on the couch. I hadn’t been able to lay flat since Sunday. From that point for the subsequent four days/nights, stabbing pain jarred me from fitful sleep every 1.5-2 hours. Sometimes I never even got to sleep before needing to re-dose.

The urgent care doctor said I should be substantially better by Saturday morning.

The Doctrine of Belonging

On Wednesday, I started preparing Sunday’s discussion on Elder D. Todd Christofferson’s “The Doctrine of Belonging.”

We can feel joy as we pursue, individually and communally, “the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ.” Despite disappointments and setbacks along the way, it is a grand quest. We lift and encourage each other in pursuing the upward path, knowing that no matter tribulation and no matter delays in promised blessings, we can “be of good cheer; [for Christ has] overcome the world,” and we are with Him. Being one with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is without doubt the ultimate in belonging.

Thus, the doctrine of belonging comes down to this—each one of us can affirm: Jesus Christ died for me; He thought me worthy of His blood. He loves me and can make all the difference in my life. As I repent, His grace will transform me. I am one with Him in the gospel covenant; I belong in His Church and kingdom; and I belong in His cause to bring redemption to all of God’s children.

On Saturday as Anthony and I assessed my situation, we could plainly discern that I hadn’t improved at all since Tuesday.

Back to the urgent care. We only waited an hour this time and then entered the realm of Dr. Sykes. She was a no-nonsense Southern lady. She agreed with Anthony’s suggestion to remove the ear wick. As she dug it out of the ear canal, it absolutely disintegrated leaving its debris in my infected ear canal. After her thorough inspection, she sent us to the emergency room. The urgent care nurse went with us so we fast-tracked it into an ER room.

Full Circle in the Emergency Room

IVs of antibiotics, pain meds, and hydration fluids, 2 CT scans, more ear wicks, and various hospital staff. Hours and hours.

At one point, I opened my eyes to look at Anthony and saw he was texting. He told me was texting my presidency and the bishop that I would not be in church and they would need to find someone else to do the lesson.

“Please do not send that text!” I begged.

He looked at me incredulously. “What?! Why not?”

“Do not send it. I need the blessing.” I could not adequately explain to him what I meant. My counselors were sick or working on Sunday, but it was something more than that. How can you describe an expectation for something someone else hasn’t experienced?

Reaching for the Hem of the Healer

woman reaching for the hem of the Healer

The Healing Touch by Yongsung Kim

I saw myself as the woman struggling to touch, reaching for the hem of the Healer as He passed by. His power flowed to her, healing her. I have reached for Him, touching the hem of His garment as He passed by when there wasn’t any other way out of a situation. When I’m serving in a calling with options exhausted, I have always found Him there, enabling and empowering me through the power of His grace. I had been through 10 days of stabbing pain. I had an opportunity to serve in my calling with other options exhausted. I’d already started reaching for the Savior’s hem, and I did not want to lose that option.

The medical staff prescribed more antibiotics and stronger pain meds. As we walked out of my ER room, the two ear wicks crammed into my ear canal by the ENT resident fell right out of my ear. We laughed. The ear canal clearly wasn’t healed enough to shed those yet. The nurse practitioner crammed two more in my ear canal. Anthony and I went home.

I slept for four hours! I re-dosed and slept for another five hours. For the first time in a while, I experienced moments without any pain at all. So amazing.

Sunday Morning Preparations

Late Sunday morning my thoughts turned to the Relief Society discussion. I fought to focus my thoughts, my mind jumbled as it was. I thought of questions I wanted to ask the sisters during our discussion. I finished the few PowerPoint slides I’d started on Wednesday. I loaded up myself and a few pictures for display and went to ward council, Sacrament meeting, and Relief Society.

In the middle of Sacrament meeting, I felt some spikey pain. I panicked because I’d forgotten to bring the non-narcotic pain reliever with me, and I’d promised Anthony that I wouldn’t drive with the narcotics active in my system. To set up the Relief Society room, I stepped out of Sacrament meeting a few minutes early. Our ward overlaps with the ward meeting before us. I listened to the rest of testimony meeting over the speakers as I rearranged chairs.

When the Savior Overcomes the Weaknesses of the Flesh

Then I sat in the momentary stillness expressing gratitude that I fared as well as I did, asking what else the Lord would have me say and do, and praying for Jesus Christ’s enabling power to combat the drug-induced brain fog, spikey pain jabs, and everything else.

Then it was time. Amazing, wonderful women filled the room.

I took a deep breath and I r e a c h e d for the hem of the Savior as He abode with us for an hour.

Only once at the beginning when I let myself get into my head did I feel boggled by brain fog. The time flew by smoothly, effortlessly, full of depth and inspiring discussion. I felt sustained and empowered. I moved around the room with ease. Quiet whisperings came and I heard and acted on them.

There is no part of me that claims ownership for anything that happened. I pray that the Lord will touch the sisters’ hearts and minds with whatever they need despite/in spite of what I do. I trust that He will. That is always my ultimate goal. That goal is usually accomplished under circumstances where I know I cannot accomplish anything at all. If anything is accomplished, it is only through the power of Jesus Christ.

Unity with the Divine Is the Ultimate Belonging

Comments after class let me know that the Lord gave sisters, at least some sisters, what they needed during class. One sister told me later that the sister with her hadn’t felt “belonging” at church for two years. She’d come that day, her testimony hanging by a thread, and she found belonging during our time in Relief Society. Belonging is what Relief Society is all about. Through the atoning blood of the Lamb, we all belong.

His grace will transform me. I am one with Him in the gospel covenant; I belong in His Church and kingdom…

I expected the miracle at church, but I also expected a longer lasting impact of reaching for the Healer’s hem. And I found it. From that moment, my strength has increased and I’ve been on the mend. I still have dull pain periodically throughout the day, but five days after the lesson, I am going about my daily tasks mostly per usual.

As a covenant woman, I see miracles all around me. Most of them I keep tucked away in my personal reflections. But sometimes, when the weakness of the flesh is so obvious and incapacitating, and the fulfilling of the Lord’s promises is so pronounced, it must be acknowledged and praised so maybe others will know that they too can experience, or are experiencing, the Lord moving in mighty power in their lives, too!

Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord…The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.

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