Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Ellen Debenport

Home
New Visions
Taking the Long Way Home

Taking the Long Way Home

Last updated on: January 5, 2016 at 2:11 pm by Ellen Debenport

Taking the Long Way Home 2016-01-05T14:11:47-05:00 Ellen Debenport

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

The woman sat next to me, weeping with weariness and frustration.

She was the fulltime caregiver for her mother with Alzheimer’s. And she wasn’t sure she could take it anymore.

My heart ached for her, but . . .

As a minister, it’s not unusual for someone to approach me with a problem I have no idea how to solve.

I don’t even know the right words to say.

So I’m asking you: What do caregivers really need?

HELD HOSTAGE

seyed mostafa zamani / photo on flickr

How many millions of people are taking care of parents or other relatives with some form of dementia or debilitating illness? How many are giving baths or feeding those who can no longer perform basic tasks for themselves? (An estimated 40-million caregivers in the United States, according to AARP.)

And how much of your life are you supposed to give up to help others?

If I could wave a wand and change one thing in the world, I think it would be to abolish the need for long-term caregiving. We’d all just be happy and healthy until the day we die.

Maybe the caring brings blessings I don’t realize.

But for the unpaid family caregivers I talk to, this period of their lives is grueling and seems endless. They sometimes feel like hostages, even if they are being held captive by their own loving hearts.

WHAT WOULD HELP?

What can I say to them that won’t sound glib or dismissive? Is there a way to reframe the situation that makes it more bearable?

A quick Internet search yields caregiving tips and blogs and quotes, programs and guides and support groups. Have you found any of them useful? Are there books that are helpful?

I know some people arrange for respite care, and others have home health workers who visit. Or hospice. Some have supportive families to share the load.

It may not be the daily tasks that are so exhausting but the unrelenting responsibility for someone’s care. It has to be factored into every decision – financial plans, vacation plans, professional opportunities.

I know so many people who have put their lives on hold to care for an aging parent, sometimes for a decade or more. Some felt they had a choice; many didn’t.

And I never know what to say to them, except I’m sorry. And how good of you to volunteer for this.

THE COMPASSIONATE RESPONSE

If you have been in this situation – or you’re experiencing it now – what would be the most meaningful form of compassion you could receive? Is it words or actions?

And what about your friends and family? Has anyone ever said or done exactly the right thing, something that touched you so much you nearly wept with gratitude?

I really would love to hear about your experience. Because this problem isn’t going away, and I believe I am among legions of people who would be more supportive if we knew how.

I hope you’ll write about it below. (Scroll down a bit.)

Uncategorized

alzheimer's

caregiver

Previous Post

January 3, 2017

My Blog Has Moved

Next Post

January 5, 2016 Are You Sure You're Acting from Wisdom?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Bible coping with life create your reality current events death divine within nature of God soul purpose spiritual laws Uncategorized

Select a Month January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

In the last days, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will do what?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Worship Sing Rejoice Prophesy