Things you should know about Catholic weddings—but probably don’t

Last updated on: October 26, 2015 at 6:53 pm by Deacon Greg Kandra

Things you should know about Catholic weddings—but probably don’t 2015-10-26T18:53:09-04:00 Deacon Greg Kandra

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Marking her anniversary yesterday (congrats!), Simcha Fisher today calls up some memories of her own nuptials, and points to this very good piece at the USCCB website, which shatters a few popular myths about Roman Catholic weddings:

In some traditions, at the conclusion of the procession into the Church, the presiding minister may ask, “Who gives this woman to be married?” And the father of the bride will be expected to respond that he, or he and his wife, do. At Catholic weddings, it’s presumed that the bride—and the groom for that matter—give themselves to each other.

If you’ve ever seen a wedding on a television series, you’re probably familiar with the dramatic possibilities that arise when the minister asks, “If anyone knows any reason why these two should not be wed, let him speak now, or forever hold his peace.” Well, we Catholics don’t do that. In many places, notices of up-coming weddings are published, allowing anyone with objections to come forward before we get to the altar.

Another touching moment in most TV weddings is the phrase, “With this ring, I thee wed.” For us Catholics, the moment of the marriage is the exchange of consent, and the speaking of the vows. The ring is a symbol of the union that has already taken place. We bless wedding rings, and they are exchanged with the phrase, “Take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”

Another thing we don’t say at Catholic weddings is “I now pronounce you man and wife.” We believe that the couple becomes husband and wife not because the minister declares them to be such, but because they have given their consent and made their vows to each other. The function of the priest or deacon is to preside and witness these vows, not to make the marriage happen.

Read more.

I like the way we celebrate the sacrament at my parish, which helps underscore the “witness” aspect of the presider’s role. The priest or deacon leaves the sanctuary and stands near the altar rail, with his back to the people, looking up at the couple. He then leads the vows, witnessing them with everyone else. It puts the focus on the couple and the words they are saying to each other.

Speaking of the ceremony: Something else that often stumps people—including, sometimes, the person presiding—is That First Kiss. Which is often followed by whoops, hoots and applause. No. No. No. If done according to the rubrics, the entire ceremony takes place without anything like that and, in fact, with a certain aura of solemnity. I like to say at the end, following the final blessing: “Ladies and gentleman, Biff and Heather Newlywed.” Whereupon they smooch, the organ cranks up and the happy couple staggers out of the sanctuary and down the aisle. Cheering is optional—though it usually happens—but by then the actually ceremony is over. Let the games begin.

It’s also worth noting that the much-beloved Unity Candle is not in the ritual and is more or less a modern invention. (A popular urban legend holds that it was first introduced when Luke wed Laura on “General Hospital.” Millions of starry-eyed TV viewers were enchanted and said, “I want that!” I have no idea if that’s true, but it’s a good excuse to ignore it.)

Also worth noting: We continually get requests for weddings at catering halls, on a beach, or in a park. When the priest says “No,” inevitably the bride calls the deacon. Who also says “No.” (I explained why here.) We also strictly limit weddings only to those who live in the parish—which disappoints a lot of brides, who love our long aisle and lofty, cathedral-like atmosphere. (The Rev. George Rutler once remarked that you could tell whether or not a church was a successful piece of art by the number of brides who want to be married there.)

Finally, as an observational footnote—excuse me while I drag out my soap box and clear my throat—is there any good reason why brides are persistently and consistently late for weddings? I can understand traffic tie-ups or natural disasters. But, come on. We run into this problem a lot at my parish. A few weeks ago, we had a 2 p.m. wedding that didn’t start until almost 3, which forced me to delay a 4 p.m. baptism by about 30 minutes. Which almost caused problems for our 5 p.m. Saturday Vigil Mass. (We charge a late fee, but if you’re spending 30k, what’s a couple hundred bucks more? People shrug it off.) This appears to be a universal problem; when I complained about this on Facebook, one reader mentioned a priest who gives the bridal party a ten minute window and if they don’t show up by then, the wedding is cancelled.

I like the way he thinks. Maybe he should have been invited to the Synod on the Family.

Photo: Deacon Greg Kandra

Marriage

Sacraments

Uncategorized

Previous Post

October 26, 2015

Father knows best—and wears a bullet-proof vest

Next Post

October 26, 2015 Who becomes a nun in 2015?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category "Mad Men" 9/11 advent All Things New Amazing video amazing videos amazon america Anglicans Anti-Catholicism art ascension thursday ash wednesday Atheists baltimore Bible Bishops Blogging bonnie engstrom Books bridgeport Brooklyn Chaplains children christian art christmas Church Churches CNEWA Converts criticism Deacons Death Penalty easter eastern christian Eastern Christians Ecumenism education Education Eucharist Europe euthanasia Evangelization Exorcism Family Feasts Gay rights Good Friday Great links Great Moments in Journalism Hanging with the saints heather renshaw Hispanic Catholics Hispanics History homelies Homilies Humor Hymn of the Week Immigration indianapolis Inspiration Interfaith news ireland Jesus Jews Journalism Judaism lent Liturgy logos Marriage Mary Media Medical news Mental health Middle East Monks Movies Music Muslims My world and welcome to it New Evangelization new york News Nuns Parenting Parish life peoria Persecution Politics politics Pope pope francis pope john paul Prayer Preaching Priests Pro-life Quote of the day radio rebecca frech ripp Ripped from the headlines rippred from the headlines Sacraments saints Scripture sex abuse Sex abuse crisis SEX ABUSE CRISIS TAGGED WITH: SEX ABUSE CRISIS The people in the pews the visitation project theatre This & that Thomas Merton Trappists TV Uncategorized uncategorized Vatican VATICAN vocation Vocations Voices & Views Women Worth a thousand words Writing Year of Faith year of mercy young people

Select a Month December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What does "Capernaum" mean?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Port of peace Place of water City of trade Village of comfort

Books by This Author Books by Deacon Greg Kandra

See All Titles »