The Cobra Commander Dialogues: III.I.5

Originally posted on Atlas Shrugged: There’s Plenty of Room at the Bottom.

Quentin Daniels: Why boy howdy shucks and gee-wiz! You’re that there Cobra Commander fellow everyone has been talking about!
Cobra Commander: Oh I can tell I’m going to hate you already.
Quentin Daniels: I don’t know why you have to be so angry all the time Mr. Commander sir, this here is a paradise where anything can happen!
Cobra Commander: And what is it you do around here then?
Quentin Daniels: Why I’m a janitor!
Cobra Commander: That’s… not usually a sentence that I’ve heard anyone exclaim with quite such enthusiasm.
Quentin Daniels: Oh but it’s just the start Mister, I’m going to be the best darn janitor ever and one day become an electrician and a multi millionaire!
Cobra Commander: There’s a whole handful of things wrong with that but I’m going to start with the fact that you are most definitely an adult but you keep acting shockingly like you’re a little kid.
Quentin Daniels: I’m going to be the bestest real hero when I grow up, just like Galt and Midas I will be!
Cobra Commander: Honestly if you weren’t standing right in front of me right now I would imagine you as a ruddy cheeked youth in overalls.
Quentin Daniels: Boy but I’m sure going to…
Cobra Commander: Okay no seriously take a breath because I am going to seriously enjoy crushing your dreams.
Quentin Daniels: Don’t think you can sir, they’re so big they can’t fail!
Cobra Commander: Right so let’s start with the obvious one you acknowledge that you’re a janitor, which means that janitors are needed here.
Quentin Daniels: Well I’m only going to be a janitor until I’m promoted to electrician of course! I mean Mr. Galt does it now but he’ll not be doing it forever.
John Galt: Even though I’m objectively the best person ever at everything and can accomplish tasks in not only implausible but also physically impossible periods of time when off screen now that I’m more in focus I’m sadly held back to only the implausible so… yes, I will have to leave my maintenance job.
Cobra Commander: Yes but you can only be promoted when there’s someone else waiting in the wings to take over your job of janitor, and there’s a need for another electrician. At the moment are there any unemployed people looking for work as a janitor?
Quentin Daniels: Well… no… but more people will be coming!
Cobra Commander: So some other hero is going to end up to the janitor?
John Galt: I’m probably going to go out into the world and find the best possible janitor ever, with aspirations to be the best janitor ever.
Cobra Commander: That’s remarkably stupid and also very much in keeping with the kind of thing I’d expect you would do. But we have deeper problems here. You said you want to be rich I think?
Quentin Daniels: I’ll be the richest man ever, as rich as all my friends here!
Cobra Commander: So middle class then.
Quentin Daniels: What no, I’ll be rich!
Cobra Commander: Okay we’re just going to ignore the fact for a moment that all of these plans you guys have are going to be destroying the economy and thus likely make the current currencies worthless and the concept ‘millionaire’ absurd. But even ignoring that if the average wealth here is millions of dollars then if you have millions of dollars you are middle class.
Quentin Daniels: Um millionaires aren’t middle class Mr. Commander sir.
Cobra Commander: Class is defined in comparison to other people, case in point this society you built here. Everyone here has similar buying power and as you can see it has, in a warped way, created a situation where everyone is living a surprisingly middle class lifestyle. If only one person here had the wealth of say, Midas, then he could monopolize goods and services easier and elevate himself to upper class.
Quentin Daniels: But he is upper class, why he’s super dang gone high up rich!
Cobra Commander: No he’s not, that’s the point. It’s one of the few things about your crazy little community that actually rings true. I mean if you take all the elites and separate them off to their own little pocket bubble society then being elite is just… a standard now. Which explains why everyone here has kind of average houses and average amenities. They all have about equal buying power.
Quentin Daniels: But… but I want to be rich…
Cobra Commander: Wealth isn’t created ex nihilio kid. You have to acquire it from other people. You provide a good or service that people want or need and find a way to use up less wealth in the creation of it than you get in the exchange, thus increasing your net wealth. And considering I know for a fact that car rentals cost a quarter for a day here while personal fortunes are weighed in the millions well… I think you’ll have a lot of paychecks to go before you crack the thousandaire level.
Quentin Daniels: B-but… but… I’m… I’m special.
John Galt: He’s special just like everyone else here is! Now I think that’s enough talking with our guest here, you should be running off to get a good rest since you’ve got a lot of cleaning to do!
Quentin Daniels: Y-yes sir…
Cobra Commander: That was fun. Usually the Joes got to give all the PSA talks to kids I can see why they enjoyed it so much.

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