Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Dave Willis

Home
Relationships and Religion
Why being “mean” is sometimes a good thing

Why being “mean” is sometimes a good thing

Last updated on: November 15, 2018 at 3:04 pm by Dave Willis

Why being “mean” is sometimes a good thing 2018-11-15T15:04:06-05:00 Dave Willis

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

skinny guy flexing

I’ve always wanted to be seen as a “tough guy,” but I just never thought I was mean enough to pull it off. When I watch Gladiator, Dirty Harry, Rambo or any other guy movies to that get my testosterone going, I long for that kind of rugged toughness, but an honest self-assessment reminds me that in terms of meanness, I’m much more like Mr. Rogers than Mr. T (sorry for all the 1980’s references)! I’ve come to discover that “meanness” can be a necessary part of life, but it doesn’t usually look like it looks in the movies and you don’t have to look like a gladiator to pull it off. In fact, you don’t even have to be unkind or disrespectful. Here’s why…

I just finished reading one of the best books I’ve read in a long time. It’s called Be Mean about the Vision: Preserving and Protecting what matters. The book was written by my friend, Shawn Lovejoy, and even though it’s called “Be Mean,” he’s actually one of the nicest guys one the planet. The book isn’t about meanness in a cruel or disrespectful sense, but rather, it’s about being tenacious, firm and unapologetically courageous when it matters most. The book was written with a primary focus on leadership, but I’ve found all sorts of practical applications to other areas including my marriage, my personal health and my faith. Here are a few examples of why “being mean” is sometimes necessary…
Being “mean” in your marriage NEVER means it’s okay to be unkind or disrespectful to your spouse, but it does mean you must be fiercely protective of your home, your heart and your marriage vows. It means being relentlessly consistent and possibly even removing people from your life who are a negative influence on your marriage. In the book, Shawn defined Success like a mathematical equation: Success=Clear Vision+Compelling Communication+Consistent direction. That definition was given within the context of healthy leaders and healthy organizations, but I think it also applies beautifully to marriage. Your marriage needs a clear vision, compelling communication and a consistent direction as you embark on that lifelong adventure together with your spouse.

Being “mean” in your parenting never means being rude or abusive to your children, but it does mean being tenaciously vigilant about protecting them and lovingly but firmly enforcing boundaries. It might mean prohibiting your kids from spending time around certain friends. It might mean creating boundaries your kids don’t understand (or even resent) at the time, but will protect them in the long run.

Being “mean” in your personal health might requires saying a firm “NO” to tempting offers of unhealthy food. It might mean saying “NO” to opportunities to get together socially because you need to protect your schedule to allow for consistent time to exercise. I’m particularly bad at this one which is probably why I have love handles.

Being “mean” in your faith doesn’t mean you’re ever judgmental or arrogant in your beliefs, but it does mean you’re unapologetically committed to your faith and willing to consistently make faith-based decisions even when they might be unpopular, uncomfortable or countercultural.

So, let’s live each day with love and kindness, but let’s also have the courage to “Be Mean” in preserving and protecting what matters most. You can learn more about this extraordinary new book by clicking here.

IF THIS POST HELPED YOU, PLEASE SHARE IT USING THE LINKS BELOW SO WE CAN HELP OTHERS TOO!

Life Tools

Be Mean

Be Mean about the Vision

Previous Post

April 13, 2016

4 ways couples harm their marriage on accident

Next Post

April 14, 2016 What your phone reveals about your marriage

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Bible Study Family and Parenthood General Inspiration and Encouragement Life Tools Marriage Uncategorized Videos

Select a Month August 2022 May 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which Christian movement began with John Wesley in the 18th century?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Presbyterianism Methodism Lutheranism Calvinism

Books by This Author Books by Dave Willis

See All Titles »