Make sure you avoid the top 5 most common mistakes in marriage (yes, even #2!)

Last updated on: November 1, 2022 at 1:56 pm by Dave Willis

Make sure you avoid the top 5 most common mistakes in marriage (yes, even #2!) 2022-11-01T13:56:33-05:00 Dave Willis

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Sad and disappointed bride lying on the floor with rose flower

I have the great privilege of getting to communicate with married couples all over the world through the facebook Marriage Page and in-person counseling through my church. As I talk with couples, I’ve seen a pattern of some common mistakes that many couples make. I’m convinced that if you work to avoid these dangerous pitfalls, your marriage will be much better off!

In no particular order…

1. Putting your marriage on hold for the sake of your kids.

I see so many couples who put their marriage on the back burner and put all the their focus on the kids. Some will even say things like, “Well, we haven’t been out on a date together or on a trip alone since our kids were born,” as if it’s a Badge of Honor to their dedication to their kids. We obviously need to make our children a priority, but I am convinced that there is no greater gift you can give your children than the security that comes from seeing their parents in a loving, committed relationship to each other. Make Date Nights and time together a priority especially when you kids are young. Your children are watching and they will base most of their ideas about love and marriage from what they see with you and your spouse.

2. Being in the same room but in different worlds.

With all the phones, e-readers, computers and TV screens in our homes, it’s now possible to be sitting next to your spouse while being in two completely different worlds. Make it a priority to shut down all the electronics periodically and reconnect daily with uninterrupted conversation. Consistent communication is vital to a healthy marriage. Talking with your spouse is always better than texting with somebody else! For more on this, check out our 3-minute video Your iPhone might be hurting your marriage.

3. Listening to the wrong voices.

One of the most common traits of unhealthy marriages, is that one or both spouses has a group of friends or relatives who romanticize divorce or live their lives in ways that don’t uplift the sacredness of marriage. Choose your friends carefully, because you will most likely become like they are. Surround yourself with positive influences and distance yourself from negative ones. Most of our closest friends who have encouraged us in our marriage have come through church. I would strongly encourage you to find a life-giving church home if you don’t have one already.

4. Settling for mediocrity.

With all the busyness of life, it’s easy to leave our marriages on autopilot, but anything left on autopilot will eventually crash! Don’t settle for just co-existing in the same home when you can and should be growing daily in your intimacy with one another. Keep thoughtfulness, passion, spontaneity, sex, laughter, selflessness and FUN as priorities. For more ways to avoid mediocrity and build intimacy, check out my free video resource How to build intimacy and trust in your marriage.

5. The Comparison Trap.

Don’t compare your marriage to Hollywood Love Stories. Those might seem glamorous from a distance, but if you notice, they almost always end in divorce. Don’t compare your spouse or your marriage to other people who seem to have it all together. If the grass looks greener on the other side, it doesn’t mean you need to move, it just means to you need to water your own grass! Invest in your own marriage instead of wishing you had someone else’s.

If you are going through a difficult time in your marriage, don’t make the biggest mistake of all by giving up on each other! Work together to rebuild what’s been broken. It will take time and effort, but your marriage is worth it!

For daily encouragement, please connect with me on my new Facebook page by clicking here.

For more tips and tools to build a rock-solid marriage, check out our bestselling book: iVow: Secrets to a Stronger Marriage which has also just released as an audiobook on iTunes for download on iPhones and iPods.

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