Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Dave Willis

Home
Relationships and Religion
5 ways to overcome a struggle in your marriage

5 ways to overcome a struggle in your marriage

Last updated on: March 28, 2016 at 1:43 pm by Dave Willis

5 ways to overcome a struggle in your marriage 2016-03-28T13:43:56-05:00 Dave Willis

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

couple on bikes holding hands

I recently sat down with a couple who had overcome a crisis in their marriage. Their relationship was on a much better path, but the aftermath of their struggles still seemed to be a dark cloud constantly overhead. They were having trouble moving past it. Getting “through” the struggle is one challenge, but something that seems to take couples off guard is how difficult it can be to move past the struggle even after it’s “over.”

Every couple will eventually some level of difficulty (or even a full-fledged crisis) in their marriage. Sometimes the struggle is a result of one or both spouse’s poor choices (infidelity, broken trust, addiction, porn, poor financial choices, etc.), and sometimes the struggles arise apart from either spouse’s control (a death or illness in the family, job loss, etc.). In either case, it takes a great deal of faith, strength and commitment to work through a struggle together, BUT it also takes a lot of effort to successfully move past a struggle even when it’s over. The aftermath can often be just as difficult as the struggle itself.

When you’ve come through a struggle in your marriage, please remember these things as you move forward…

1.You should learn from the struggle, but don’t let it define you.

You are not a victim of this difficulty and you’re certainly not imprisoned by it. It may be part of your story, but you get to determine what part it will play in your future. Allow the situation to make your stronger. Scar tissue is actually stronger than regular skin. This struggle may have created a scar, but it can also make your stronger.

2. Let the struggle make you BETTER, not BITTER.

Every struggle in life and in marriage will make us either better or bitter, but we have to decide which one. Don’t go down the dark path that leads to bitterness. Encourage each other to rise above.

3. Don’t use past mistakes as ammunition in your disagreements.

When one spouse has made some poor choices, there’s a natural tendency for the other spouse to want to punish the other or use the past mistakes as leverage in arguments. Resist the temptation to punish and focus instead on extending grace and offering an opportunity for trust to be rebuilt.

4. Make sure your commitment to your marriage always stronger than your struggles.

Couples who make it aren’t the ones who never had a reason to get divorced. They’re the ones whose commitment to each other always remained stronger than their reasons for calling it quits. Never give up on each other.

For more on this, check out my new book The Seven Laws of Love (by clicking here).

5. Create some new dreams for the future.

Maybe you’ve come through a struggle that shattered some of your dreams for the future. Take some time to grieve the loss, but don’t live the rest of your life in grief or thinking you have to settle for an unhappy future. Start creating new dreams together and moving forward towards them. Don’t live your life looking backwards. The past is the past. Your best days are ahead.

For more tools to help you build a stronger marriage, please download our “MarriageApp” on iTunes (a Facebook login is required to access the app). You can also connect with me on Facebook or also on Instagram for daily encouragement.

If this post encouraged you, please share it using the links below so we can encourage others too!

Marriage

Previous Post

March 25, 2016

How often should a married couple make love?

Next Post

March 29, 2016 3 shows every married couple should watch together

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Bible Study Family and Parenthood General Inspiration and Encouragement Life Tools Marriage Uncategorized Videos

Select a Month August 2022 May 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What does "Elohim" mean in Hebrew?

Select your answer to see how you score.

The Almighty God Holy One Creator

Books by This Author Books by Dave Willis

See All Titles »