Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Dave Willis

Home
Relationships and Religion
3 things every husband wishes he could say to his wife

3 things every husband wishes he could say to his wife

Last updated on: April 28, 2016 at 8:00 pm by Dave Willis

3 things every husband wishes he could say to his wife 2016-04-28T20:00:49-05:00 Dave Willis

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

happy couple kiss

In my years working with married couples, I’ve discovered that some common areas of miscommunication and unspoken assumptions are at the root of most marital frustration. My friend, Jason Isaacs, has written a blunt and brilliant post on some of these common struggles in marriage and offered some very practical insights on how to overcome them (from a husband’s perspective). Even if you’re taken back by the frankness of his words, I can assure you that the heart behind those words is from a man who wants you to have the thriving, fulfilling marriage that God intended for you and your spouse. For more info on Jason, his marriage and his ministry, please check out his bio at the bottom of this post.

“3 things every husband wishes he could say to his wife” By: Jason Isaacs

Here’s an old joke about the difference between men and women…

A woman visited a store in New York City that offers free husbands. At the entrance, there are instructions posted that say: “You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors to choose from. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!”

So the woman went shopping on the first floor and read a sign that said, “Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs.” “Wow!” she thought, but still decided to keep going.

So she went to floor 2 and read a sign that said, “Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.” She thought, “These guys would make good husbands,” but now she was curious what other options were available, so she kept going.

On Floor 3 a sign said, ”These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely Good Looking.” Each floor is only getting better,” so she kept going.

The next sign said, “Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.” “Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims. “I can hardly stand it!” but she had to see what else was available, so she continued on.

On Floor 5 the sign read, “These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.” It was all she could do not to pick a husband from floor 5 but there was still one more floor to go so she continued on assuming it could only get better.

When she arrived on Floor 6, the sign read, “You are visitor 71,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that you are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.”

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a Wife Store just across the street. When a man walks in the door a sign reads, “Floor 1 – has wives that love sex.” To this day floors 2-6 have never been visited.

Ladies, I know we men are not perfect, and I’m not claiming your fights or struggles are all your fault, as a matter of fact, I have no problem placing most of the blame for our relationship decencies at our feet, but after 12 years of counseling and conversations with couples trying to be better, including my own marriage, I’ve noticed a few consistent frustrations husbands have with their wife.

Here are 3 things husbands wish they could say to their wives but don’t know how to tell you:.

1. The more you complain the less I want to communicate.
What you do is hard, I get it. No one is saying (or should be saying) it’s easy, but without realizing, a lot of times you spend more time complaining about your home, job, husband, marriage, money, and friends than you do enjoying them. If you keep nagging, complaining, and annoying him, he will just shut down. You’re too much of a headache to deal with.

“A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold something with greased hands.” Proverbs 27:15-16
A few years ago Andrea and I were living in our first home, and calling it a starter home would be an insult to starter homes. We had lived there for a few years, and Andrea was getting the itch to move into a bigger house; I know because she wouldn’t stop reminding me, and reminding me, and reminding me. I understood her frustration and agreed we needed more space but also it was frustrating to work hard and provide for my family and feel like my wife wasn’t happy with what I had worked so hard to provide. After a while, every time she said, “I can’t wait until we move into a bigger house,” all I could hear was, “Why did I have to marry a man who couldn’t buy me a bigger house.” That’s not what she was saying, but that’s what I was hearing.

2. I want you to want to have sex with me not put up with sex with me.
I’m not asking for a playboy bunny or a porn star, I recognize I don’t look like the man you married either, but every time you “put up” with sex, or put on the granny panties, it makes us feel like less of a man. Ever since the cave man, men have loved to beat their chest and know that we conquered something. When you lay there like a board the message you’re sending is, “I don’t want to do this because you don’t satisfy me, but I have to, so go ahead and get it over with.” Don’t get me wrong, any sex is good sex for a man, but if a guy is being honest with you half the thrill of sex is feeling like you pleased your woman.

It drives us crazy when you negotiate with sex, like somehow because I vacuumed or did the dishes now I’m worthy to make love to you. If you rarely ever want to have sex with your husband, eventually he will find someone who will. Don’t misunderstand; I’m not saying you are to blame for the adultery, a vow is a vow regardless of the adversity, but in my experience, a man who has to fight for sex with his spouse over an extended period will develop a porn addiction or a mistress. Sex is that big of a deal to us.

3. Everyone else celebrates me, but you tear me down.
Let me tell you a secret a man won’t tell you. We’re fragile. Every time you talk down to your husband you are killing a little piece of his spirit (confidence). At work we’re successful and accomplished. We set sales records and impress our boss. New hires look up to us and ask our advice, but when we come home to you we’re “an idiot who can’t do anything right.” You knew you should have left us when you had the chance. We know we make mistakes, lots of them, but when you consistently talk to us in a condescending tone like you are talking to our kids we get so angry. Maybe the reason your husband acts like a child is because you talk to him like he is one.
“A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1

You don’t realize how much power you have. Your words set the tone for your home. The more you tell him how much you believe in him, the less he will want to let you down.

If he ever cheats on you, it won’t be because she’s skinnier, prettier, or her boobs are bigger. It will be because when he is with her, she makes him feel successful and important, and you make him feel normal.
“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.” Proverbs 24:19
I know after reading each of these statements you have a million defenses for why you act the way you do and why he deserved it. I’m not saying you’re wrong, but the choice to complain less, have more sex, and celebrate your husband are within your control. Regardless of what he does or doesn’t do you can choose to be better. Let me make you a 100% guarantee; if you start complaining less, enjoying sex more, and bragging on your man (especially in front of his friends) he will become the man you want him to be. Just ask my wife, she tricked me into changing and I never saw it coming.

Jason Isaacs is the Senior Pastor of Hope City Church in Louisville KY. He is the author of the book I Want What God Wants, and contributes as a writer for TheWayWeDo.Life, and ExcellentPastor.com. For more information visit his Facebook page by clicking here.

IF THIS POST HELPED YOU, PLEASE SHARE IT USING THE LINKS BELOW SO WE CAN HELP OTHERS TOO!

Marriage

Previous Post

April 27, 2016

Do wedding rings really matter?

Next Post

May 2, 2016 10 modern myths about marriage

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Bible Study Family and Parenthood General Inspiration and Encouragement Life Tools Marriage Uncategorized Videos

Select a Month August 2022 May 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What does "Elohim" mean in Hebrew?

Select your answer to see how you score.

The Almighty God Holy One Creator

Books by This Author Books by Dave Willis

See All Titles »