3 signs that a marriage is over

Last updated on: November 15, 2018 at 1:26 pm by Dave Willis

3 signs that a marriage is over 2018-11-15T13:26:53-05:00 Dave Willis

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

sad lonely woman

I recently sat down with a young man who has been doing everything in his power to save his marriage. He strongly believes in the sacredness of marriage and he is heartbroken at the idea of divorce, but his wife has callously continued down a destructive path of infidelity, addiction, manipulation and abandonment. With pain and exhaustion in his eyes, he looked at me and asked, “How do you know when a marriage is over?”

My wife Ashley and I have written, coached, and taught many couples about ways to save a struggling marriage and we’ve even developed a new program to help couples in crisis fight to save the marriage, but this young man’s question reminded me that that sometimes, a person does everything in his/her power to save a marriage and it simply isn’t enough. In those situations, how do you know when it’s time to stop trying to “resuscitate” a dead marriage and finally move forward with your life?

It’s a sobering question; and one I approach with caution, because I strongly believe everything the Bible teaches about marriage and divorce. I’ve also seen way too many couples get divorced for “dumb” reasons instead of legitimate ones. I’m committed to the work of saving marriages; not ending them. Still, I wholeheartedly acknowledge that there are some circumstances where divorce may be the only remaining option.

If you are considering divorce, please first check out our new program at FightingForMyMarriage.com even if you’re currently fighting for the marriage without the support or partnership of your spouse. If there is ANY hope for your marriage, I believe fighting for the marriage is a better option than divorcing. Once you have done everything in your power, if any of the three behaviors below still remain, divorce may be the only option.

1.Abandonment.

If you’ve done everything in your power to save the marriage, and your spouse still chooses to walk away and “abandon” you, then they’ve chosen to kill the marriage. To clarify, storming out and leaving for a night isn’t healthy but it isn’t necessarily “abandonment”, but if your spouse leaves for a long period of time or consistently walks out for shorter periods, they’ve chosen divorce. The rest is just paperwork. The Bible addresses situations of abandonment like this…”But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.” (1 Corinthians 7:15)

2. A habitual pattern of infidelity.

A single act of infidelity is “grounds for divorce” but in those cases, divorce usually isn’t the best option. Some of the strongest couples I know have survived and healed through an act of adultery. Scars remain, but healing is possible (check out “How to save your marriage after an affair“). When there is an ongoing pattern of infidelity and deceit (or a single act of infidelity without true repentance), trust is ruined, and no marriage can survive without a foundation of trust. Divorce may be the only remaining option.

3. A cycle of abuse.

Your safety and your sanity have to be protected and if your spouse is physically harming you, then you need to get help and get safe. Get help for domestic abuse HERE. Even if your spouse hasn’t physically hurt you (yet), but consistently hurts you through demeaning words or threats, then your marriage is in crisis and you need to get help.

If you are in a struggling marriage, please consider going through our new program to help save struggling marriages before considering divorce.

PLEASE SHARE THIS POST USING THE LINKS BELOW SO WE CAN GIVE HELP AND ENCOURAGEMENT TO THE COUPLES WHO NEED IT MOST.

Marriage

Previous Post

June 20, 2016

4 marriage secrets from a couple married for 78 years (and counting)

Next Post

June 27, 2016 7 questions to ask before getting a divorce

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Bible Study Family and Parenthood General Inspiration and Encouragement Life Tools Marriage Uncategorized Videos

Select a Month August 2022 May 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What did Jesus say to calm the storm?

Select your answer to see how you score.

"Cease, wind!" "Let there be calm." "Peace, be still!" "Do not be afraid."

Books by This Author Books by Dave Willis

See All Titles »