Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Danielle Kingstrom

Home
Progressive Christian
Relationship Rituals to Strengthen the Bond

Relationship Rituals to Strengthen the Bond

Last updated on: September 12, 2021 at 12:31 pm by Danielle Kingstrom

Relationship Rituals to Strengthen the Bond 2021-09-12T12:31:50-06:00 Danielle Kingstrom

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Photo by Content Pixie on Unsplash

When I was a little girl, I feared Saturday mornings. My mom never seemed to wake up happy on the weekends. She was not a morning person. I had a routine to handle the cycle though after I enjoyed my morning cartoons, I would find something to keep me occupied until my mother came out from her cave. Dad would try to keep us quiet after he got up, but if we woke mom up, there would be hell to pay.

Flash forward to today: On Saturday mornings, after my husband and I spend a few moments kissing, cuddling, and caressing one another, he calls our son by name, “Aiden!” Our son hollers to his twin sister and older brother, and they all come pile on top of me in my bed and cover me with kisses and cuddles.

I decided that I would not repeat my mother’s ritual of rage on weekends. I would instead find appreciation and joy in the moments of noise in the morning. On weekdays, when I do not linger in bed past 10 am, before even starting the coffee, I go to each child and tell them, “Good morning!” and kiss them and hug them. This is my morning ritual.

My evening ritual falls along the same lines. Only we add reading a story, lots of tickling, and sometimes, a pillow fight—just to help drain some of that reserved energy to help the natural melatonin chemicals secrete a bit faster. We conclude with hugs and kisses and “I love you.”

We all have rituals whether we recognize them or not. Sometimes they are merely routine habits that help us begin or end our day.

After the morning greeting with the kids, I have my own ritual for “waking up” and mentally preparing for the day. I brew the coffee, grab a few cigarettes, put on my slippers, and head outside to enjoy the sunshine with my coffee and nicotine. It’s not the healthiest of rituals, but it’s how I wake up. My husband joins me, and we scroll social media together while sipping coffee and puffing on cigs. We then discuss what we see in our newsfeeds. We laugh, we complain, we unpack ideas over coffee. If we had sex the night before, we talk about how great it was and what we liked. If we have plans for the day, we share what those are with one another. If we need help from each other at some point, we make mention of it.

Going back to sex, we have rituals for that as well. And many people do. It’s just that sometimes, we don’t realize how ritualistic we are in our plans. But they are very important practices for maintaining our bonds within the relationships we are in.

For instance, many people want a proper bathing session prior to getting their freak on between the sheets. Maybe you exfoliate, shave body hair, relax in a hot tub or stand under a hot shower for a few extra minutes. Do you put cologne or perfume on? Tie your hair back? Apply liberal amounts of moisturizer or oils?

Do you create a mood? Set the scene? Light candles and incense, close the curtains or shades, put on some relaxing or seductive music? Do you clear the bed of all the extra throw pillows? Make sure the satin or bamboo sheets are on the bed? Do you have a towel handy?

What about feasting? Is there any? Many people go out to dinner or eat in before slipping into something more comfortable. This too is ritualistic. We feed our bellies before we feed our sexual appetites. Some people are selective about what they eat prior to an evening naked. Certain foods may cause reactions that otherwise interrupt relaxing spaces of intimacy and canoodling. For instance, I ignore brassicas: broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower, Brussel sprouts, and lettuce, if I know I am going to be engaging in horizontal refreshments. I keep peppermints and water accessible in our erotic space too. Stay hydrated and minty fresh! You may have fruits and olives prepared to snack on for intermissions. You may share shots of whiskey, or sip wine or share a joint to relax and get toasty. Food and drink have almost always been components of rituals throughout history.

Many couples include a ritual of “foreplay,” and to some, that is simply just touching and caressing for moments before penetration. The incorporation of touch (and how we touch one another, when, and where) adds a particular component to the ritual that encourages sexual arousal. And the sooner, the better, not just minutes before the grand finale.

Conversation, however, is the best foreplay. Communication is lubrication. Allowing ourselves the freedom to be fluid in our speech and unravel the knots of the day is a great way to unwind and mentally unclog before moving into other movements of nakedness. It’s like a liberation of the lips, tongue, and throat.

Do you notice how the rituals we include into our unfolding scenes center on the senses? Do you also notice that rituals invite a sense of intimacy into the space? There is no doubt a celebratory component of ritual, but notice too, the playfulness and imaginative components of it. Rituals are erotic by nature. They incorporate multiple dimensions of reality into the experience. And they affirm relationships and the uniqueness of the bond.

If you look closely, you may see that many of your relationships incorporate rituals. Sure, we endorse the rituals of birthdays and anniversaries, along with holidays and other special occasions significant to us and our tribe. But can we create more space for love within our relationships by really appreciating the ritualistic dimensions that we may take for granted? And if, by adding these layers of texture and significance to our relationships, can we strengthen our bonds, reduce conflicts, and finally get to a deeper understanding of the other person?

Maybe your rituals have become redundant? Maybe they lack vibrancy and spontaneity? How can you inject some aliveness into your relationship?

Share in “highs and lows.” What was the high of your day, what was the low of your day? Talk about why.
Plan special lunch or coffee/tea dates to reconnect with friends
Pillow fights
No-phone nights/dates
Breakfast dates
Private messaging channels for just you and your significant other where you can say whatever is on your mind without judgment
Movie nights- but discuss the movie together afterward
Cook dinner together every Wednesday evening (or pick a day and commit to it for a set amount of time).
Attention Appointments- time that you set every day, or every few days, for you and the person you want to strengthen the relationship with—even a child. Hold space for that person to vent, complain, express fear and anxiety, or just confront an issue or conflict without needing to fix it or deny it (should it be you that they are confronting).

Whatever you do, be sure to take notice and appreciate the very special ways that you incorporate ritual into your relationship.

Uncategorized

celebration

communication is lubrication

About Danielle M Kingstrom

Danielle is a writer, podcaster, and home-school teacher. She lives in rural Minnesota on a farm with her husband and five children. Together, they maintain a fourth generation legacy farm and raise chickens and cattle. When she is not reading, writing, or self-educating; she can be found outdoors in nature’s naked elements. Danielle is an avid gardener, a lover of art, knowledge, and always a student. She is active in revitalization projects within her community, partnering with committees to bridge the Rural Divide. Unafraid of sparking controversy, Danielle is a frequently published author, appearing regularly in her community’s local newspaper; writing about provocative issues and asking challenging questions that raise a few eyebrows. She is currently working on two books. You can read more about the author here.

Previous Post

July 31, 2021

"Porn for Children" Deleted Tweet Reveals Deeper Message

Next Post

September 14, 2021 Complaining: A Process for Healing

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Authentic Connection Ego Love Self Suffering Uncategorized

Select a Month October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 September 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who mocked Nehemiah and the Jews, saying a fox could break their wall?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Geshem Eliashib Tobiah Sanballat