Freedom in Failure

Last updated on: March 24, 2015 at 6:09 am by Melissa Hill

Freedom in Failure 2015-03-24T06:09:00-04:00 Melissa Hill

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

For many years now I have done my annual offering ritual. I do it after Yule, before the snow has left the land. It has evolved over the years, the timing becoming more specific. It’s almost always after Imbolc when the sun has begun to feel warm. I do it during the day, when the sun is high. It’s become more than just the offering now that I have a permanent sacred area outdoors. It’s now the waking of the shrine and the land, and it was surprising how well it worked.

I don’t talk to the children about rituals and offerings much, it bores them. So the kids had no idea that I had ritually woken the land when they came to me the next day with tales of hearing the fairies all weekend. They told me that they could hear them in the woods and could see the evidence of them, but hadn’t seen them. I was taken on a walk along with various children who were and were not mine on a sunny Sunday morning to tour the various fairy sites around the yard. Those fairies have been busy. I was told a war was brewing. Most parents would just toss that news aside, with a mildly reassuring pat on the head, but I take that sort of thing as a bit of news. It is a data point with which to understand my world more fully.

The ritual itself was fairly simple. I walked out with my crane bag and my staff, my cauldron, ogham and some simple offerings of milk, whiskey, and salmon. I also had incense that I had made and my knife.

I walked to every shrine and altar and lit incense. I follow a spiraling pattern that eventually leads back to where I started. It is my own personal labyrinth of spirit. I don’t always choose where and what altars are made. People have come to the land and built shrines, some have come from many miles away. I tend these shrines, improve upon them, and think about how to build new ones. I give them offerings and talk to the children about them. Our land is an anchor point for a local ley line and has a history for decades as being a place where people might be found dancing naked, at least according to the neighbors. I wonder if they are happy or sad that the current occupants are just as odd as the previous ones.

So I lit the incense and felt myself slipping into trance. I sat in front of the Land Spirits altar when I was done, and kindled a fire upon it. I gave offerings and burned more incense and the piece of salmon for my bear spirit friend. I slipped deeper into trance watching the wind whip the flame. I took out my knife and cut the side of my hand. I let a few drops of blood drip on the white snow, made brighter by the returning sun. Only once a year do I do this, and I’ve been doing it for a long time now. It’s primal magic, not druid, not witch, no labels. Just the gods and I.

I saw the light and the dark and the line that divides them. I thought about the black and the white and how they are not different and yet they were. The shadows cast by the sun turned the thawing earth a rich dark brown, almost black. I sat and meditated as I do each year when I do this annual offering. I held my staff and rocked and sang. I asked for a vision for myself. This year the vision was surprisingly simple. No complicated instructions, no strange task to fit into my schedule. Simple words.

“You do the work. Keep doing the work. Know that you will fail and do the work anyway.”

Hard words.

Those are not the words I would have chosen to hear. Honestly, that’s one of the signals that I use to know when I have stepped outside of my own wisdom. When the spirits say things I would not say I listen closer. This is the moment when some might lead into a conversation about how dangerous it is to listen to the voices in your mind. We all know that conversation. It is the source many fine tales told in novels and around a cup of coffee. But it is not this conversation, because these words held wisdom.

“Know that you will fail.”

What do you do with that? In my case, I gathered up my ritual gear, and wandered back inside, with my hound dog leading the way. I ate the breakfast I cooked beforehand and felt a little dismal, to tell the truth.

It wasn’t until later that the wisdom unfolded like a flower in the sun. I was talking with my husband and I shared my experience. I told him my hard truth. He looked surprised and said, “That’s not a bad thing!” he said every time you go into a competition you have to be ready to fail. Every time you sit down at a poker table you have to accept that you could lose it all. Failure is part of the game.

His words spun me. My perspective changed drastically in that moment, like that moment when a wad of folded paper becomes an origami crane. I let that thought sink into my consciousness as I fell asleep, and I woke up with a feeling of freedom. No longer did it matter if I succeeded at what I was doing. That wasn’t the point. The point was to do it. It’s a lot easier to do a thing when you’re not afraid at the same time.

Could that voice have said to let go of fear? Sure. But it wouldn’t have had the same kind of reorganizing effect on me. I was given the gift of freedom when I was given assurance of failure. It’s weird, I know. But when your goals are of the save the planet, live in harmony, build a new religion sort, failure is a real option. It feels okay to say that. We live in times of global warming, extinction, and peak oil. That shit is real. Accepting failure as an option is only sensible. But it doesn’t stop me from planting my seeds, teaching my children, and writing these essays.

The gods gave me a gift of perspective. In return, I do the thing they ask. I do the work.

Uncategorized

Previous Post

March 20, 2015

Ostara Freebies!

Next Post

March 31, 2015 The Gangster Earth Mother: Gaia

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category animism Cermony and Liturgy Columns Community Dandelion Seeds Health and Wellness History Holidays Magic Nature pagan parenting plant animism Politics Ritual and Practice symbolism and science Theology, Ethics, Philosophy Uncategorized

Select a Month August 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 January 2014 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 February 2013 January 2013 July 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What biblical figure was prepared to sacrifice his son Isaac on an altar?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Abraham Noah Isaiah Moses