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Fake It ‘Til You Make It: When God Goes “On Vacation”

Fake It ‘Til You Make It: When God Goes “On Vacation”

Last updated on: October 28, 2016 at 6:30 am by Cynthia Dagnal-Myron

Fake It ‘Til You Make It: When God Goes “On Vacation” 2016-10-27T15:02:02-07:00 Cynthia Dagnal-Myron

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“Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give Our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.”
― Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

I hit a wall recently. Knew I would.

I think it’s the elections. I kept reading all the articles and watching EWTN specials about the “Catholic POV” on the candidates and issues.

I’m afraid I’ve got aways to go before I’ll be entirely comfy with the Catholic POV after being both very liberal and also “spiritual not religious” for most of my 65 years on this earth.

But it’s also a natural re-calibration that all newbies face after that first post-Baptismal love rush. I no longer feel as if I’ve got two left feet in church. I know all the words—mostly. We keep changing the way we sing some of them, so sometimes I mumble a bit. But mostly, I’m chiming right in.

And that relationship with Jesus that a lot of people don’t think Catholics have? Mine is moving right along. He’s still my “BFF.” My “Boo.” My “Bae.” If I call His name, He’s right there, whispering a few sweet somethings to reassure me.

Amazes me, still.

But He spoiled me, I think. I want more than just “sweet somethings.” I want those stunning miracles that kept me so twitter-pated back when He was courting me so relentlessly. You remember that, too, right, fellow newbies? I can’t be the only one.

How literally He took that “Ask and ye shall receive” thing for a while? Even my friends were amazed—women friends, especially. I mean, to be pursued so intensely by a loving, attentive and undeniably charismatic Man, well…who wouldn’t love that?

But then came the dreaded day that day most lovers fear. That day when your Beloved doesn’t hop to it quite so quickly. When you start wondering if He’s starting to lose interest. If all that intense attention was just a ruse, a “bait and switch,” to get you in deep so He can coast the rest of the way.

I could still feel the love, but the “presents” weren’t coming as often as they used to. Things I asked for didn’t show up right on time.

In fact, I felt as if they were being deliberately delayed. My Bae was “taking space,” as some guys call it. Leaving me to handle my own business for a while. From a safe distance, but from a distance, nevertheless.

Yes, the honeymoon was over. And I had to make some deep decisions. Was I in this thing for the long haul or not? And what did that look like? How do you deal with those days of doubt?

One thing was clear. I couldn’t just walk away.

That really moved me, when I realized that. I will always be Catholic. I believe it’s His church. And I believe I belong in it, even when I’m not feelin’ it. Even when it scares me sideways or makes me wonder what the heck I was thinking when I took those vows.

And just when I realized that and said it out loud, even, during one of our “talks,” He sent me some things I want to share with any of you who might be feeling a little wobbly for whatever reason–cradle Catholics, too.

Because what He may be teaching us one of the most profound lessons of all. Remember John 20:29?

“Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

There’s a clue there. We have to continue to believe even when we don’t “see” Him in our lives as much–fake it ’til we make it, as the saying goes.

We have to hang on even when He doesn’t show up right on time. When He goes deaf, or feels light years away and we don’t think we’ll ever see Him again, like Saint “Mother” Teresa.

Boy, if her dark decades don’t teach you anything, nothing will. Look at all she accomplished, even when she felt as if God had totally abandoned her. What are you doing while you wait?

Remember when he asked Simon Peter, “Do you love me?” three times? There you go. He wasn’t asking to reassure Himself. He was asking Simon Peter if he really knew what he was being asked.

I mean, how are we going to love our neighbors as we love ourselves if we don’t understand how that unconditional love thing works? How to love them even when they do things that drive us crazy? Even when they don’t necessarily “deserve” it? Even if we don’t know them all that well?

He died for us, right? All of us. Good, bad, indifferent. Oh, now you’re catching on. Good.

Me, too.

And here are some of the little “postcards” He sent me while He was “on vacation.” Messages I needed to keep me “woke,” as the kids say now.

Father Mike Schmitz, my YouTube spiritual director of choice, teaching you how to fake it ‘til you make it without losing your religion:

St. Ignatius also teaches us how to deal with the “desolation” we feel when God seems far, far away. In fact, he explains, far better than I have, why God takes those little hikes. Here’s a wonderful video from Discerning Hearts:

#11 The Ninth Rule The Discernment of Spirits /w Fr. Timothy Gallagher, OMV from Discerning Hearts on Vimeo.

Photo credit: Hans Hofer, CC0 Public Domain Free for commercial use No attribution required

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