Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Coffee and Crucifix

Home
Catholic
FAIL! Catholic says, ‘And also with you!” instead of, “And with your spirit!’

FAIL! Catholic says, ‘And also with you!” instead of, “And with your spirit!’

Last updated on: May 19, 2022 at 10:48 pm by Coffee & Crucifix

FAIL! Catholic says, ‘And also with you!” instead of, “And with your spirit!’ 2022-05-19T22:48:30-06:00 Coffee & Crucifix

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Image credit(s): Background – pixnio.com, Facepalm man – pixabay.com

***SATIRE***

As a lapsed Catholic who was slowly getting back in touch with his roots, Gary decided to take the leap of faith and attended Mass for the first time since 1991. But as it turned out, he’s not exactly hip and with it anymore.

“The words just fluttered out of my mouth as usual when I zoned out during Mass as a young Catholic,” recalled Gary on that fateful day. “Every time the priest said, ‘The Lord be with you,’ we always used to respond, ‘And also with you!’ Now every responds with, ‘And with your spirit!'”

“Since when do the words change?” said Gary after finding out about the slight liturgical modifications Pope Benedict XVI implemented in 2011. “Old habits die hard. And now every time I open my mouth at Mass, people look at me like I just stepped on a cat’s tail!”

“Now May the Fourth will never be the same!” complained Gary, who also happened to be an avid Star Wars fanatic. “When someone says ‘May the Force be with you,’ it won’t have the same punchline! How else will I subtly let people know I’m a practicing Catholic now?!”

Concerned about the changes in liturgical wording, Gary later decided to consult with fellow online Catholics on social media about the possibility of further changes.

“Many folks on Catholic Twitter complained the Mass readings should be recited in the original Latin spoken by Jesus from back in the day.” Gary recalled. “That was when I asked, ‘Wasn’t Jesus a Jewish man who spoke Aramaic or something?’ Then they all got big mad and called me a Marxist infiltrator. One of them spammed my feed with articles from random Catholic bloggers telling me to RETVRN TO TRADITION.”

“This whole process of coming back to the Catholic Church has been more stressful than I expected,” Gary reflected. “However, I did appreciate one nice lady named Susan who seemed to understand my struggle. She summed it up by saying, ‘History began in 1962… everything else before that was a mistake!'”

Susan From The Parish Council

TLM

Traditional Latin Mass

Tridentine Mass

About Rene Albert

I'm Rene Albert. I am a husband to a beautiful wife and a father of three children. I'm also a licensed carpenter and contractor as part of my full-time work. When I'm not busy meeting construction deadlines and chasing little hooligans around the house, I write essays about Catholicism, mere Christian theology and western politics and culture, as well as how they all affect each other. Due to working a full time job in construction, my ability to regularly publish articles is limited. My goal is to eventually become a full-time writer and possibly start up a podcast or Youtube channel. My writing is a labor of love, so if you enjoy my work and feel called to support me on Patreon, I would be very much appreciative! Pax vobiscum! You can read more about the author here.

Previous Post

May 9, 2022

Don't Lose Your Soul In The Culture War

Next Post

April 4, 2023 Vatican Formally Repudiates 'Doctrine of Discovery'

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Catholicism Christian Life Christian Life Church History Community Eastern Orthodoxy Entertainment Fiction History Mental Health Movies Music Politics Protestantism Reflection Religion Satire Science Fiction Self esteem Self Love Spirituality Star Wars Suicide Theology Uncategorized

Select a Month June 2023 April 2023 May 2022 April 2022 July 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 June 2018 April 2018 January 2018 November 2017 October 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 December 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 June 2016 May 2016 March 2016 February 2016

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who built the ark?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Noah David Solomon Moses