Hysterical!

Last updated on: January 28, 2008 at 11:45 am by Barbara Nicolosi

Hysterical! 2008-01-28T11:45:00-07:00 Barbara Nicolosi

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This site had me laughing so hard my cat jumped off my lap in terror. I have rarely visited a site that provided such a smug catharsis!

As those of you with a sense of history will recall, I have a (not irrational) hatred for the song “Gather Us In.” Several really funny parodies on the site, like this:

Gather Us In

Here in this place, a bad song is starting,
Now will the altar turn into a stage.
All that is holy is slowly departing,
Making a way for the coming New Age.

Gather us in, for we are like captives.
Skipping the Mass, that would be wrong.
But Lord hear our plea, regarding M. Haugen:
Give him the courage to put down that bong.

Dear Father Smith make a beeline procession,
Run if you have to, make it real terse.
If you can start this Mass very quickly,
Maybe we’ll only have to sing one verse.

Or this one:

Gather Us In

Here in this place, our post-modern parish,
All of the statues carried away,
See in each face a vacuous visage,
Brought here by guilt or by R.C.I.A.

Gather us in, by Bimmer or Hummer,
Gather us in, so we can feel good,
Come to us now in this barren Zen temple,
With only a shrub and an altar of wood.

We are the young, our morals a mystery,
We are the old, who couldn’t care less,
We have been warned throughout all of history,
But we enjoy this liturgical mess.

Gather us in, our radical pastor,
Gather us in, our grim-faced ex-nun,
Call to us now, with guitars and bongos,
Kick up your heels and join in the fun!

Here we will take some wine and some water,
Whether it changes, we really don’t care.
But when the Sign of Peace comes, our pastor,
Jumps from the altar and hugs like a bear.

Gather us in, uncatechized masses,
Gather us in, the liberal elite,
Help us to form our personal Credo,
Give us a choice between white bread and wheat.

Too funny! Inspires me to go get some writing done.

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