War of the Whys

Last updated on: July 1, 2005 at 7:36 am by Barbara Nicolosi

War of the Whys 2005-07-01T07:36:00-06:00 Barbara Nicolosi

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

My first War of the Worlds inspired question had to do with the audience size itself….

** “On the second day the latest Speilberg blockbuster opens, in the theater smack in the middle of Universal Studios citywalk which is over-run with tourists, why are there only five other people in this five hundred seat theater? Hmmmmm,” thought I, “poor Tom and Stephen.”

The rest of my questions started flowing with the credits….

** “Why open the movie with a few frames that give away the ending? Are people that stupid not to notice? is it good for a director to think people might be that stupid?” (Why not do it more cleverly – like open on someone sneezing?)

** “Why does Ray’s son hate him? Cause I, as an audience member would like to know before I decide to make Ray my hero.”

** “Why are we spot-lighting this guy Ray, anyway? Except for being way too handsome, he seems to have lots of nothing as a screen character.” (A suspicion borne out by the rest of the film. Note from Aristotle and Flannery: Good characters are BETTER THAN REAL people. They have to be AT LEAST as good as real people, but to be entertaining, they need to be smarter, cleverer, ingeniuser, deeper, intriguinger, resourcefuller, better-er….By the end of the film, I had to conclude that Ray hasn’t survived because of his skill and brains, but just because he’s lucky. Just try and build an action figure empire on THAT foundation…)

** “Why, in fifty thousand years, haven’t we ever accidentally unearthed and of the thousands of tripod machines that are as big as Seattle’s space needle?” (You think some oil driller somewhere would have accidentally hit titanium once or twice?)

** “Why didn’t the aliens just settle the planet back 50,000 years ago, before we became as plentiful as “maggots” needing to be exterminated? (Seems like a waste of resources…Unless they like putting people in wood-chippers.)

** “Why do the aliens switch from exploding people into wood-chipping them? (The special effects people on the movie want to know…)

** “Why do military bazookas not work on alien tripods until the end of the movie?”

** “Why doesn’t the ACLU arrest Speilberg for being blatantly pro-Christian? (I mean, nobody in the WHOLE movie breathes the smallest prayer while the human race is being systematically exterminated. So, I figured, the filmmakers must be saying that all the Christians must NOT be getting exterminated. That is, the aliens are only killing the unbelievers who don’t pray — the Christians must have put lamb blood or something on their lintels off screen. Anyway, I think that must be pretty offensive to the ungodly…)

** “Why would anyone with a brain flee from a metropolitan area under attack to another in a cataclysmic end times scenario? (Note to my parents and friends: When the aliens come, I will be looking for a remote cave somewhere in the high desert. Not going to Boston.)

** “Why haven’t the aliens developed any heat-seeking technology to locate warm bodies in buildings? They’ve, you know, conquered the space time continuum, but they don’t have heat seeking radar?” (Note to aliens: Call the 1980’s.)

** “Why would space-time contiuum conquering geniuses, who have been studying us for “millions of years” not thought of micro-organisms? (Note to aliens: Call the aliens from Signs. They didn’t realize they had a Wicked Witch problem until they had attacked a planet 70% water….except dew doesn’t bother them… H.G. Wells avoided this problem by not implying that the aliens had hidden research machines on the planet for millenia…)

** “Why is it heroic for Tom Cruise to kill a man driven insane with fear?” (Answer: IT AIN’T! The moment is not self-defense. It’s panic. And the main character should have paid a price for it. But no, he actually kind of “grows up” after the murder.)

And the biggest WHY of all….

*** “Why can’t Spielberg make a movie lately that is about anything? (Note to young filmmakers: Suffering is directly proportional to your ability to have something meaningful to say to people. People who live like gods for forty years, kinda lose their edge, I’m thinkin’….)

Pass this War of the Worlds for the original. (Note to Self: They won’t listen to you. But they’ll wish after they did….)

Uncategorized

Previous Post

June 30, 2005

Such a shock...

Next Post

July 1, 2005 Ralph Lovin' On Us

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Uncategorized

Select a Month March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 March 2012 October 2011 September 2011 July 2011 June 2011 April 2011 September 2010 August 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 November 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which country has the largest number of Christians?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Russia United States Brazil Germany