A Big Wad over Little Things: A Letter to West Franklin

Last updated on: March 19, 2022 at 6:48 am by Matt Pearson

A Big Wad over Little Things: A Letter to West Franklin 2022-03-19T06:48:35-05:00 Matt Pearson

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West Franklin Family,

I don’t know about other married couples, but for Katie and I – our major arguments are over little things. The big, important things? If we do have disagreements, they’re small. The tiny, little, unimportant things? For some reason we tend to get all worked up in a big wad. I should clarify – I get in a big wad over the little things. I can’t explain why. The harder I try to figure out what “triggers” it the more frustrated I become. We recently had one of these pointless and ridiculous riffs. I’m too embarrassed to even share what it was about. But trust me: it was a big riff about a tiny, doesn’t-matter thing. We went to bed angry, and by the time I dozed off – I did not plan on apologizing or surrendering defeat for at least 5 years.

The next morning I did what I always do – I turned on the coffee pot, let Eddie outside, sat down at my desk for a devotional time with the Lord. Per usual, my mind filled with things that were said the night before – again, over the smallest little thing. I made the mistake of opening my Bible to Proverbs 17. Major error on my part. If I wanted to spend the day telling myself how right I was for my words and actions, I was making a wrong move. If I wanted to vindicate myself for my behavior, I should have gone back to bed or turned on the television. Unfortunately, I started reading. The Holy Spirit was waiting. Fists raised like a boxer looking to land His first punch. Then came blow after blow after blow.

“Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” (v. 9) – “Right hook!”

“Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” (v. 14) – “Left hook!”

“Whoever loves a quarrel loves sin. . .” (v. 19) – “Uppercut to the chin!”

“The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.” (vs. 27-28) – “He’s out!”

That’s the last time I’ll read the Bible in the morning. . .

Just kidding.

In fact, this reminded me of why I do read the Bible in the morning. For one, I never do not need to be reminded of this wisdom. I’ve been reading the Proverbs for years. And in the moment of our “fury-over-something-stupid” riff – I had forgotten the wisdom of this beautiful book. I need the constant reminder. Two, this reminded me that the Holy Spirit knows. The Holy Spirit knows me. The Holy Spirit knows what is going on. The Holy Spirit knows exactly what I need and exactly when I need it. We don’t serve a cold, dead god. No. We serve a living, active, and lovingly intimate Father. Third, though I joke above about the Spirit “boxing” me, I am reminded that the Spirit of God in the Word of God is always for our good. The idiot the night before was me. The moron, the one causing the most pain, was me. The Spirit’s words are a reminder of what a wise and full life looks like. They were jabs, sure. But loving jabs to slowly bring wisdom into my life (and marriage). Finally, this reminded me why every Jesus follower – especially husbands and fathers – must view reading the Word as a non-negotiable. Not because you have to. But because this is a primary way to be with the Father. This is where we hear the loving Father speak to us. Men (women too, but . . .), you and I are going to do stupid things. We are going to make mountains out of mole hills. We are going to say things we wished we hadn’t said. We are always going to need course correction by our gracious, loving, and always looking to transform us Father. Gratefully, He still speaks and provides us immeasurable wisdom to bring wholeness to our lives (and marriages).

Now if you’ll excuse me – I need to figure out how to “foster love” and “drop the matter” and hate “a quarrel” and “keep silent.” In short, I need to get out of my big wad and eat a big slice of humble pie. Spirit, give me wisdom.

I cannot wait to open my Bible with you in the morning to John 12:1-3. It would be a good idea to read John 11 ahead of time.

Because He Speaks,

Pastor Matt

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