Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Christian Piatt

Home
Progressive Christian
Things I Hate (But Shouldn’t)

Things I Hate (But Shouldn’t)

Last updated on: March 14, 2012 at 5:08 pm by Christian Piatt

Things I Hate (But Shouldn’t) 2012-03-14T17:08:33+00:00 Christian Piatt

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I know, Christians, love everyone and everything, right? Mister Bluebird on my shoulder and all that crap.

Well, that ain’t me. Not that I don’t try, but I also don’t try to fake it when I’m not feeling the love.

My wife, Amy, told me that one reason she married me was because she knew she could trust me. It seemed to her that I lacked the capacity to lie. And while this is reassuring on one level, the stark honesty can sometimes be a little jarring, I expect.

What I have found is that naming things out loud is the best way to help you get over them. Some of these might seem like relatively trivial things to you, but trust me – for a quasi-Aspie like me, they are often the bane of my existence.

So without further adieu, here’s a list of things that I can’t seem to shake, they annoy me so incredibly much. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…

Misplaced apostrophes: I see this everywhere, but it’s particularly bad here in Pueblo. Most often, the spare apostrophes pop up in plural words, while remaining curiously absent from contractions and possessives. There’s a restaurant down the street called “Burrito’s Betty,” and for the life of me, I can’t figure out how or why a burrito owns a woman. How is that even legal?

Naked Muffin Tops: If your body has, um “evolved” since you were in high school twelve-plus years ago, best not to try to stuff yourself into the same clothes you wore to algebra class. Cover the muffin or hit the gym. Please.

Ending every sentence as if it’s a question: People have this strange kind of apologetic habit of raising the tone of the last couple of words in every sentence so it sounds like they’re asking a question? Even though they’re not? Yaknow?

Overuse of the word “crazy”: I’m not talking here about referring to a person, like “He’s so crazy.” I’m talking about how people dismiss their perpetual flakiness by saying “It’s just been a crazy day.” You’ve said that three hundred forty six days in a row. Starts to lose its effect after a couple hundred.

Big heads in front of me: You know who you are. How is it that, no matter what movie or concert I go to, the Elephant Man sits right in front of me?

People who treat me like I’m an idiot when they don’t get my humor: I tend to be sarcastic sometimes. No, really. And sometimes the ironic quips or sarcasm falls short and the listener takes what I say literally, at which point they roll their eyes as if I’m some kind of doofus. Could be, but might I suggest, “Doofus physician, heal thyself?”

Weather wimps: There is about a three-degree window that seems to make most people happy. Other than that, the majority of the population will find something to complain about. Guess what? IT’S WEATHER. You want control over your environment? Stay inside and stop complaining. Oh, and while we’re at it, please eliminate the following phrase from your vocabulary: If you don’t like the weather in _______, wait five minutes (chuckle, chuckle) ’cause it’ll change.” Gag.

“The Bible Says” arguments: I know what the Bible says. It says a lot of things. Some are amazing, some are practical, and some are just plain nuts. I’ve heard it said that the Bible can be manipulated to make any point someone wants, so let’s not sling scripture at each other. How about trying one of those Biblical verses out and turn that sword into a plowshare? Whatever that is. Something useful anyway, instead of a tool to bludgeon others.

“Small Tent” Christianity: Note here that it’s the theology of narrow-minded, exclusive, country club Christians that I can’t stand, not the people who hold those ideas. Yes, the Christian tent is big enough even for them, though they don’t return the favor to others. As I recall, Jesus didn’t ask people if they were gay, poor, democrat, “right with God” or anything else before caring about them, reaching out to them and welcoming them. If God’s love is big enough for all of creation, how can ours be any different if we’re going to claim that same love.

Previous Post

March 13, 2012

Forget Jesus Tortillas: Meet Jesus Toast!

Next Post

March 15, 2012 Top Five Stories of the Month

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category atonement belief bible Bill O'Reilly Buddhism CCM children christian piatt christianity Contemporary Christian Music current events derek flood Easter education Everyday Sunday faith faith and culture Frank Schaeffer great commission Haaz Sleiman Hobby Lobby Homebrewed Culture humor ISIS Jesus John Paul Lederach Killing Jesus LGBTQ marc driscoll Mission Year Music My Jesus Project Nat Geo parenting politics popular culture postChristian prison reform Ray rice religion republicans sacrifice sexuality theology Uncategorized video violence wild goose festival World Vision young adults

Select a Month December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

I hid two spies on my roof and tied a scarlet cord in my window to save my family. Who am I?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Tamar Rahab Ruth Deborah