Why I Chose To No Longer Wear Crochet Pants/Shorts

Last updated on: April 13, 2016 at 11:25 am by Jack Lee

Why I Chose To No Longer Wear Crochet Pants/Shorts 2016-04-13T11:25:46-05:00 Jack Lee

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For several months now there has been a conviction lying heavy on my heart. Like many things it takes time to sort through convictions and how to respond. But, that all changed a few days ago. I was having a conversation with some friends of mine (both men and women). The conversation was about crochet pants and how when men wear them it creates a stronger attraction for women to look at the man’s body, and to have lustful or coveting thoughts. It was in the middle of this conversation that I knew the conviction in my heart needed to be knit together with some action.

I went home later that day and shared this conviction with my wife. Was it really possible that my wearing of crochet pants (regardless of pattern or colors) could really cause a woman, other than my wife, to have lustful thoughts? It wasn’t long before my wife, in tears, looked at me and confessed, “Yes, when I walk into a place and there are men wearing those crochet pants, it’s hard not to look. I try not too but the colors, the patterns, the beauty…it is so hard not to look.”

The conviction intensified even more. If it is that difficult for my wife who loves, honors, and respects me to keep her eyes focused and avoiding the yarn rainbows, then how much more difficult could it be for a woman who doesn’t have that kind of self control. Sure, if a woman really wants to look, they are going to look. But why entice them? Is it really possible that the thick-yarned, form-ignoring crochet pants I’ve been flaunting around all these years have been causing other women to look away from their spouse?! It seemed likely.

It was at this moment, I made a personal vow to my wife and myself. I will no longer wear crochet pants in public anymore – no matter how comfortable, beautiful, delicate or glorious they might be. The only time that I feel it’s acceptable to wear them is in the comfort of my own home or if I’m wearing an outfit that would cover the outfit completely, like a moo-moo.

I also want to set an example of how to dress for my son. He’s almost 4 and I don’t want him to think people will only love him for his pants (no matter how magnificent they may or may not be). While he may not know it now, there is so much more to life then blue chevron streaming down one’s legs.

I have been following the vow I made to myself and, while it has been difficult to find an outfit at times – my conscience is clear. I now have a tight knit support group around me and I am thrilled with decision I’ve made. I feel I am honoring God and my wife by the way I dress.

Men, will you join me?

Editorial Note: This post, like all of the other posts in the Satire section of our webpage, are fake and exist for no other purpose than to you make you laugh.

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