Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Evangelical
How Do You “Cultivate the Garden” of Your Wife?

How Do You “Cultivate the Garden” of Your Wife?

Last updated on: April 13, 2016 at 9:37 am by Grayson Gilbert

How Do You “Cultivate the Garden” of Your Wife? 2016-04-13T09:37:11-05:00 Grayson Gilbert

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Image Source: Fruit of the Vine by Ian Livesey; CC 2.0

While I have never been a huge fan of the “# of Ways to Do ___” lists, this is one I created about a year ago when my wife and I were going through biblical counseling together. I want to make it abundantly clear that I do not reflect the desires below perfectly – yet nonetheless, it is a reminder for me to look back on and see areas of improvement in how I can better love my wife. My priority is always to start with myself; honoring God in how I act, think, and make decisions should always be my focal point. If I love and obey God, I will carry out the principles outlined in scripture for loving my wife.

Marriage is never easy and requires a tremendous amount of work, especially if we want our marriage to be a reflection of the gospel to a culture that continues to push the boundaries and definitions of love. For me, this list is not a reflection of “checks” I am able to accomplish to have done my part. It is a continual stretching and redefinition of my own character to ensure I am living up the expectations of the Lord in scripture, and learning to love my wife in a manner reflecting her unique, and altogether lovely, personality. I will never do this perfectly; therefore, this list will only continue to grow in length and hopefully produce more disciplined application.

1. Check your motivations in dealing with conflict (i.e. am I coming to confront with the primary agenda of an offense against God rather than myself? Am I coming to correct out of a love for God, and a love for my spouse, rather than a love for myself?).

2. Check your motivations in how you give encouragement (i.e. am I seeking something in return for offering flattery?).

3. Seek opportunities to cultivate and tend to “the garden” of your wife so that she may flourish (i.e. if there are things I am aware of my wife liking – am I setting aside time and money for her to be able to do these things periodically? If I don’t know these things, am I finding out?).

4. Seek opportunities to listen to her without offering advice unless she wants it.

5. Pray with and for your wife.

6. Set time aside to go through scripture/ a book together.

7. Offer heavy praise for that which deserves praise.

8. Be a source of gentleness/comfort to her through your example of meekness.

9. Consistently be in repentance and be quick confess your sins against her.

10. Consistently ask for her prayers in specific areas (i.e. wisdom in how I lead, to be an example of humility, showing meekness, being a strong example of Christ to her and our children, being constantly vigilant and mindful of temptation – and that I would flee from it, etc.).

11. Give her time alone from the kids (if applicable) and yourself so she can meditate on the scriptures, or even simply unwind, without distraction.

12. Give her time to spend with other women who are a source of encouragement and edification to her.

13. Give her ample time to serve the church – and to do so without complaint or letting household chores slip by.

14. Be a man of your word in all that you say you will do.

15. Devote your free time to her, making sure she is doing well emotionally and spiritually by asking more probing questions, and specifically asking how you can better serve in these areas.

16. Remain convinced and convicted of the truthfulness of the scriptures, honoring the Lord in all aspects of the household – starting with yourself.

17. Not returning to past sins, which have been put away.

18. Continually hold a covenant with your eyes to refrain from lust after another woman – and faithfully letting your wife know that she alone is beautiful and precious in your sight.

19. Uphold the fact that we are one flesh, thus, though you are the head – you are to lead in respect to how you will honor God in your decisions, and subsequently, honor your wife.

20. Devote ample time to being able to communicate to her in ways that are clear, understandable, and beneficial to her.

21. Don’t allow yourself to be reactionary to things, but instead, have the foresight and fortitude to exhibit self-control and demonstrate fruit of the Spirit.

22. Do not return sin for sin; be above reproach, yet not in an attitude of pride – but in one that seeks to honor God in the midst of conflict and bring quick reconciliation and repentance.

23. Continually wash her by the Word. In this, specifically look for opportunities that you can teach without preaching at her.

24. Seek forgiveness without the expectation of reciprocation.

25. Demonstrate complete and faithful love, as Christ did, in a manner consistent with 1 Cor. 13 and Eph. 5, regardless of it being accepted, given thanks for, or reciprocated. The love you are to exhibit is not conditional.

What are some practices you have implemented to cherish your wife and lay down your life sacrificially for her benefit?

Previous Post

June 9, 2015

"Secrets and Lies" (1996) Movie Review; Women in Film

Next Post

June 24, 2015 The 2 Best Movies For Every Year of My Life

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category #ShoutYourAbortion 10 Commandments 2016 Election 2017 2020 Election Abortion Accelerate Books Adultery America Andy Stanley Arminianism Ashley Madison Atonement B&H Academic Baptism Barry Horner Beauty Biblical Elders Billy Graham Blog Book Review Bruce Jenner Caitlyn Jenner Calvin Calvinism Cheating Chick-fil-A Children Christ Christian History Christian Living Christian Podcasts Christianity Christmas Church History Church Leadership Civil Disobedience Constitutional Coronavirus Culture Death Demoninations Discipleship Doctrine Doctrine of God Donald Trump Ecclesiology Entertainment Eschatology Ethics Evangelical Evangelism Evil Evolution Fear Forgive Yourself Forgiveness Francis Chan Future Israel Gay Marriage Gender Genesis George Floyd Gospel Government Gun Control Halloween hamartiology Heavenly Reward Hermeneutics History Hollywood Holy Spirit Homeschool Homosexual Homosexuality Hope Hospitality Humor Husband Infant Baptism Interview Jesus John Piper Josh Duggar Joshua Harris Judgment Justice Kathy Griffin Kim Davis Leadership Logic Love Manhood Marriage Martin Luther Messianic Prophecy Miscarriage Mocking Modesty Money Movie Reviews Music Music Review Netflix New Testament Obergefell Old Testament Parenting Pastor Pastoring Persecution Planned Parenthood Podcast Politics Pop Culture Pornography Prayer Preaching Predestination Pride Prosperity Gospel Rachel Held Evans Racism Ravi Zacharias Redemption Reformation 500 Reformation Day Reformed Theology Relationship Repentance Salvation Same Sex Marriage Satan Satire Scripture Seminary Sex Sin slavery Sola Scriptura Soteriology Sovereignty Spiritual Gifts Spurgeon Star Wars Steven Furtick Suffering Sufficiency of Scripture Sunday School Supreme Court Technology Testimony The Church The Lord of the Rings The Problem of Evil The Shack Theology Theonomy Tithing Transgenderism Tullian Tchividjian Uncategorized Universalism Vanity Fair Video Games Virgin Birth Voting Wife Women Worldview Worship

Select a Month June 2025 April 2025 March 2025 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 June 2023 April 2023 March 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz