Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Evangelical
Family, Parenting and Religion
Elders, Love Your Family More Than You Love Your Church

Elders, Love Your Family More Than You Love Your Church

Last updated on: March 2, 2023 at 11:42 am by Jack Lee

0 Comments

Elders, Love Your Family More Than You Love Your Church 2023-03-02T11:42:43-05:00 Jack Lee

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

It is well-known that the families of pastors/elders can struggle. They often report feeling forgotten and neglected as their husband and/or father spends a notable amount of his time, energy, and emotions shepherding a church of God’s people. I suspect in most cases the lack of attention towards home isn’t intentional. Responding to a supernatural calling, these men are led to care for the flock God has placed under them. Yet, in their efforts to fulfill their calling, they forsake a primary obligation (and prerequisite) – even disqualifying themselves.

This issue has been heavy on my heart in recent weeks as I have watched a close friend walk through the challenging dynamic described above. His love for the church, work, and his flock distracted him from other, higher-ranking priorities. The result has been nothing short of tragic for him, his church, and his family. For others, not yet in such a devastating situation, I hope that this article will spur you to think seriously about your pastor, and his family, and how you can serve and love them. Even as a layperson, you can have a tremendous influence on your pastor. Gentle, loving reminders can go a long way in serving him and his family.

Through God’s tremendous kindness, He has given us His Word to help navigate such complicated issues. It is as the Westminster Confession of Faith says: “The Supreme Judge, by which all controversies of religion are to be determined, and all decrees of councils, opinions of ancient writers, doctrines of men, and private spirits, are to be examined, and in whose sentence, we are to rest, can be no other but the Holy Spirit speaking in the Scripture” (Chapter 1, Section 10).

Consider then a few texts on the issue of elder/pastor qualification:

“This is why I left you in Crete, so that you might put what remained into order, and appoint elders in every town as I directed you— if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach” (Titus 1:6-7a)

“The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore, an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church? He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.” (1 Timothy 3:1-7)

In the two texts quoted above on elder qualifications, we see the Apostle Paul repeat the phrase “above reproach” multiple times. Lending many commentators to argue that this phrase is the summarization and key qualifier of an elder/shepherd. Certainly, no one does this flawlessly; we are all fallen, sinful beings who are in all ways inadequate. Yet, in the eyes of the church and local community, a pastor/elder should conduct his life such that no one could bring a legitimate rebuke or charge against him. He is to operate in a manner where his reputation is fully credible and blameless before all men.

It is worth adding that being “above reproach” is a distinction that goes beyond being merely “innocent” or neutral; rather, in the positive sense, the elder is to be above the norm. These are very high, sobering standards. So much so, that James encourages men not to become elders/teachers. He writes, “Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness” (James 3:1). I encourage you to reread that verse and consider the momentous weight of what this means.

If a pastor is not actively living his life “above reproach” and is allowed to continue in his role as an elder/pastor, there are potentially dangerous consequences for him. Paul warns that ministers can “fall into disgrace” and then “into the snare of the devil” (1 Timothy 3:7). Again, this is significant. As brothers in Christ, we should never allow a friend or elder to continue to incur the displeasure of God’s judgment or will. We should aim to protect one another from these humbling realities.

As Paul continues works to define what it means for one to be “above reproach”, he gives us an example of the household in 1 Timothy. The term “household” is generally understood to apply to anyone living in one’s home, under one’s care. This text makes it rather clear that the home, and how it is managed, is a proving ground for Christian leadership. Paul asks, “if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?” (1 Timothy 3). With pastoral/elder qualifications of “being above reproach” directly tied to one’s household, consider also the requirements given to husbands in Ephesians.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. ‘Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:25-33)

Based on the texts provided, it is logical that the role of being a good husband supersedes that of a pastor/elder, In fact, I contend it is a prerequisite. In our Ephesians text, husbands are called to love their wives like Christ loves the church, as He gave His life up for her. Husbands are to model this self-sacrificial example; they are to be a source of spiritual fulfillment and joy for their spouses. Undoubtedly, no one does this perfectly; we all fail here – myself included. But elders should not neglect to regularly examine themselves in the context of this lifestyle behavior. Moreover, they should invite the accountability of some trusted believers to help.

A final point worth making is that our calling and responsibility as husbands are tied to the office of the husband. God defines this office and calling, and it is not dependent on external issues, such as a spouse’s behavior. In other words, regardless of one’s wife’s behavior, husbands are called to live out the example of Christ. How much more is this true for one that also holds the office of a pastor? Without time and dedication, I am unsure how any husband could do this well. How can a man lay down his life for his wife if he does not spend adequate time with her? As we consider our example set forth by Christ, has Christ withheld any love from his bride, the church? No, Christ is committed to His purpose, love, and devotion to the church – even being obedient unto death on the cross. Praise be to Christ!

In closing, I urge the reader to prayerfully think about their pastor and his family. Consider ways you can serve and love them. Is your pastor spending too much time at the church? Encourage him not to neglect his role as husband and father. Because the better he can love and serve his family, the better he will be able to love and serve his flock.

Family, Parenting and Religion

Previous Post

January 25, 2023

Were Adam and Eve Created Perfect?

Next Post

April 28, 2023 God’s Standards for Elders, Part 1: The Heart of an Elder

Recent Comments

0 | Leave a Comment

"Why follow the laws of any ancient Near East culture?Is Christianity really different from other ..."

Gary M

Exploring Theonomy: Misconceptions and Realities

"Considering nowhere do either Christ or the apostles command Christians to form governments or societies ..."

Tom Price

Exploring Theonomy: Misconceptions and Realities

"Great points! In my book God is a Capitalist: Markets from Moses to Marx, I ..."

Roger McKinney

Wealth Management Through a Post-Millennial Lens

"There are honest homosexuals who (though they don't like the fact) admit that scripture condemns ..."

Oscar

Homosexuality & Christianity: Can They Coexist?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category #ShoutYourAbortion 10 Commandments 2016 Election 2017 2020 Election Abortion Accelerate Books Adultery America Andy Stanley Arminianism Ashley Madison Atonement B&H Academic Baptism Barry Horner Beauty Biblical Elders Billy Graham Blog Book Review Bruce Jenner Caitlyn Jenner Calvin Calvinism Cheating Chick-fil-A Children Christ Christian History Christian Living Christian Podcasts Christianity Christmas Church History Church Leadership Civil Disobedience Constitutional Coronavirus Culture Death Demoninations Discipleship Doctrine Doctrine of God Donald Trump Ecclesiology Entertainment Eschatology Ethics Evangelical Evangelism Evil Evolution Fear Forgive Yourself Forgiveness Francis Chan Future Israel Gay Marriage Gender Genesis George Floyd Gospel Government Gun Control Halloween hamartiology Heavenly Reward Hermeneutics History Hollywood Holy Spirit Homeschool Homosexual Homosexuality Hope Hospitality Humor Husband Infant Baptism Interview Jesus John Piper Josh Duggar Joshua Harris Judgment Justice Kathy Griffin Kim Davis Leadership Logic Love Manhood Marriage Martin Luther Messianic Prophecy Miscarriage Mocking Modesty Money Movie Reviews Music Music Review Netflix New Testament Obergefell Old Testament Parenting Pastor Pastoring Persecution Planned Parenthood Podcast Politics Pop Culture Pornography Prayer Preaching Predestination Pride Prosperity Gospel Rachel Held Evans Racism Ravi Zacharias Redemption Reformation 500 Reformation Day Reformed Theology Relationship Repentance Salvation Same Sex Marriage Satan Satire Scripture Seminary Sex Sin slavery Sola Scriptura Soteriology Sovereignty Spiritual Gifts Spurgeon Star Wars Steven Furtick Suffering Sufficiency of Scripture Sunday School Supreme Court Technology Testimony The Church The Lord of the Rings The Problem of Evil The Shack Theology Theonomy Tithing Transgenderism Tullian Tchividjian Uncategorized Universalism Vanity Fair Video Games Virgin Birth Voting Wife Women Worldview Worship

Select a Month June 2025 April 2025 March 2025 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 June 2023 April 2023 March 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz