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Making Friends with Sister Grief

Making Friends with Sister Grief

Last updated on: January 13, 2025 at 11:06 pm by Sherry Antonetti

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Making Friends with Sister Grief 2025-01-13T23:06:31-05:00 Sherry Antonetti

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picture by Suzy Hazelwood

Ten thousand steps, Duo Lingo, did I read, did I study, did I write? Did I do ten push ups? Did I try to do ten sit ups? Routine helps but when I run up to the end of it, I am left with the grief again. It keeps showing up like an unwelcome guest. Why is it hard to think? Where is my energy? What’s for dinner?

My brain hopscotches from thought to thought, feeling to feeling, until it tries to be dull.

Did I pray? Have I graded and planned for tomorrow? What’s on the schedule? Did I write it down? Where are my keys? My phone? A pen? The calendar?

My mom was the one who managed things. To lose her is to lose part of who taught you how to plan, how to organize, how to get things done. It’s now my job, it was, but now it’s just mine. Did I listen to the mass?

Did you take your medicine? Where’s my water? The dog needs to be walked and it’s 33 degrees outside. She’s barking. It’s Monday night and we’ve watched a bit of Lord of the Rings, Monday Night Football, and introduced our youngest son to Sid Meyer’s Pirates! game. I’ve done the dishes and turned off the lights in the kitchen, even for the turtles. We recycled, we dug through the emails and the mails. I planned a party for my about to be fourteen year old and ordered her new jeans and a sweatshirt she’ll like.

Checking things off the list doesn’t seem to shorten the list or hasten the time Sister Grief decides to stay by my side. I keep adding things I forgot to do.

But a letter comes, and describes my mother as a source of light. Everyone who has mentioned her, remembers my father too, because even ten years after his death, they’re a pair. They’re connected and remain known to all in this world as a couple.

The legacy of their relationship etched in memory, is of them deeply in love. The letter brings back tons of feeling, but mostly joy at knowing others knew her and loved her, and knew him and loved him too.

There are lots of books and websites and sources on how to manage the pain of losing someone, Catholic centered and otherwise. Ultimately, the number one thing that is required for grief to subside into a softer version of missing, is time.

The more you loved, the more it hurts to wait that time, and to know that time will go forward whether you heal or not. I do not want to rush this grief.

So I asked my sister and brothers what they are doing with Sister Grief, and they told me. One brother is working, constantly taking on more. Work and routine bring comfort. The other is writing a story. Writing word by word to pour out all the feelings, that too is a way of honoring Mom and keeping grief’s company. My sister took her girls for a walk, because each step forward in whatever is the weather, is a step into life, towards something healthier. I sat trying to look at the goulash of resolutions I’d made, to figure out what I’m doing.

I realized, I was meeting with my family, I have been reaching out to friends. My way of keeping company with Sister Grief was to bring her with me while meeting with everyone else. For me, it is community that will help me keep her memory and keep going. I go to the mass and the community, both visible and otherwise is with me, and Sister Grief explains, when we accompany the suffering, the pain is lessened.

When we let others walk with us, our cross is lighter too.

Latter-day Saint

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January 20, 2025 More Reflections on Embracing the Cross

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