So Your Theology Won’t Stink

Last updated on: October 9, 2024 at 8:36 pm by Sherry Antonetti

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So Your Theology Won’t Stink 2024-10-09T20:36:49-04:00 Sherry Antonetti

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Recently, there’s been a spate of deodorant commercials. I’m not sure when Americans got so stinky we needed an entire product line to cover our scent, but between the Mandalorian and the Luminescent, apparently we need about five different means of application to cover all our parts. It struck me as excessive but as a marketing plan, perfect. If a different product corrects odor for a different place, people who are concerned about such things will part with dollars to make sure all their particulars smell lovely.

And that specialization got me to thinking. What if we marketed heresy repellants to counter the errors of theology the same way?

Think of it as Theology for the Body so to speak.

NO-BAN-IT-ALL –Apply liberally when said professed Catholic suffers from a dearth of imagination and somehow thinks the solution is to create an insular bubble and deny any and all access to the outside world. Catholics are called to work and witness to the world, which involves going out into it. Comes in cream and spray form, depending on how deeply this understanding needs to sink in –is it surface level, or deep in the pores of our soul?

NOT A SECRET –used as a clear jell, application ensures that the person struggling with a presumption of conspiracy theories about the church and her teachings, will suddenly understand that the way, the truth and the light are not held under a bushel basket for the elect, but a scandalously open bit of good news we want everyone to know.

FOR INCENSESETIVE SOULS –it smells like Old Spices but it’s a powerful effective reminder that what God declares clean, humanity should not be in the business of declaring foul. Sacred is as sacred does, and as such, one isn’t holier for the language one uses to pray, but for the disposition one has towards the Lord and one’s neighbor, irrespective of the vulgate or venacular used.

ADVANCED DEGREES NOT NEEDED –Combating the idea that to be a person of faith, one needs letters after one’s name. Becoming like a little child gets us to be held by Christ, and keep company with a Doctor of the Church, Saint Therese of Lisieux. Now with added humility to ensure we do not measure ourselves by the world’s standards.

FORGIVING THE PAPAL AX –Strong cure for strong struggles. Now with bonus Jesuit Vatician Vibes, spray whenever you hear someone indicating they know better, they understand better, and are more Catholic than the Pope. The bearer of this product will immediately feel compelled to pray for our Pope, and for all clergy everywhere, who have the difficult task of herding all of us Catholics.

UNIVERSAL DOVE –heard all religions are the same, all dogs go to heaven, or there is no truth? Now combat these modern old as time heresies with one application. They aren’t all the same since they profess different things. If we all get to Heaven no matter what we do, why do we need a savior? There can be no sin if there is no truth and if there is no truth, then why is anyone offended by anything –since it is just another’s truth versus mine? We should all be profoundly indifferent since it’s not our understanding. UNIVERSAL DOVE, the antiDEITY rant for the spirit of the age.

And lastly, because I couldn’t resist,

THE MANDO LORE I AM: A perfect blend of reminders, that Jesus is THE WAY. That sacrifice and service are a manifestation of our faith, a requirement to reveal the reality of our friendship with Christ and fealty to following Him.

autumn golden hour by Mark Berman

With the Holy Spirit, it is always the Golden Hour. Photo by Mark Berman

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