Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Charged by the Goddess

Home
Pagan
The Grief That Is, The Grief that is Coming

The Grief That Is, The Grief that is Coming

Last updated on: November 20, 2020 at 12:38 pm by Irisanya Moon

The Grief That Is, The Grief that is Coming 2020-11-20T12:38:49-07:00 Irisanya Moon

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I have smelled grief on the air for years. The ache of loss, of losing, of having lost.

As the northern hemisphere moves into the winter, the wind blows in the reminder that so much will be lost. I’ve seen the posts of people I don’t know, but who are close to those I do, sharing stories of family members getting sick or dying of COVID.

It’s getting closer. Faster. The air is thicker with uncertainty.

Of realization that there is no one coming to save us from this virus.

Because there is no quick fix. There is no perfect protection.

(I know this is grim.)

I know these times are more dangerous because of the fear. I have seen it cause even the most steady folks to sway. Some to risky choices. Some to conspiracy.

I know I am in a moment that history will look back on and point out all of the wrongs.

But this is not a measured conversation where I can hide behind lovely words.

There are people dying.

Creative Commons Credit: CGP Grey

Not Enough Space for the Names

I was on a social media page and someone talking about an altar with candles for the dead on their heart. And that there wasn’t enough space for all of the candles.

After all, more than 250,000 in the United States (and many more by the time this is posted) requires a large space. An impossibly large expanse of holding.

I want to light candles for all of you. I want to brighten this time with your names.

And I want to hold space for the ones who have watched. Watched loved ones die. Said goodbyes over video. Begged to be in the room only to be turned away.

Safety. Not you too.

What is Coming (Soon)

In the beginning, I read a lot about anticipatory grief. The knowing that loss is coming and not being able to stop it.

My heart remembers when my dad was diagnosed with COVID. And the days of blurry, fuzzy thinking. Trying to make decisions as a family about what we would do if…

Touch and go. Faith and fear.

Prayers. Offerings. Outbursts.

I have a stubborn heart, I know. I have clung to believing people are good overall. They will look out for each other. I’ve seen it. I have relationships that have proven it.

But when I look outside my carefully curated community…

I weep.

I am likely not sharing anything that hasn’t been said. I know there are many more that feel this way. Alone. Helpless. Quietly screaming.

Arguing with ‘friends’ on Facebook doesn’t help. Posting the millionth meme about wearing masks doesn’t ease the tension. Staying home only gives more space for the feelings to become louder.

There is grief around the corner. There is grief in the hallway. There is grief in the pillow underneath my head at night.

Because it is everywhere.

CC0 Public Domain

Building a Relationship with Grief (Before)

Whether you have lost or not, whether you have been impacted or not, the grief will be a tsunami. I have been holding back my own waves because I don’t know where they will crash. Into you? Into me? Across the yard?

I have taken to sitting with grief now. I see it as an unscreamed scream. An unhugged hug. The empty place into which love pours and pours and pours.

I sit and I ask grief what it needs.

I have an altar to grief. Where I sit. Where I have an amethyst. Where I have bones.

My heart holds an altar too. Memories live there.

I sit at the altar. Sometimes, I weep. Sometimes, I am silent. Sometimes, I sing.

Sometimes. Nothing comes. Time between time.

I write poems to grief. I write letters.

Even when the words feel empty or insignificant.

The Arrival of Grief

And I realize I am preparing for grief’s arrival. All of the ways I have pushed it back, saying that since I can’t grieve in community, I will be patient.

I will wait. I must wait.

It is the thing these moments require.

The space before.

But there are a lot of echoes waiting to be screamed screams.

I imagine you have come here for answers. For solutions. For spells. For prayers.

Me too.

I just show up for it. I make time for grief. Just as I would for any other relationship.

Just as I would for any other precious moment.

Again and again.

What do you need, grief?

What do you ask?

What do you ask of me?

I am not ready.

But sit beside me.

Tell me everything.

***

How are you preparing?

About Irisanya Moon

I’m a Witch. I’m a writer. I’m a priestess, teacher, drummer, feminist, and initiate in the Reclaiming tradition. I serve the gods, my community, and the Earth. I’ve called myself a Witch for nearly 20 years, and my life has been infused with magick. I am interested in shifting stories – the ones we tell ourselves and the ones that are told about us. I’m continuously inspired to engage as the storyteller and the story, the words and the spaces between. I am a devotee of Aphrodite, Hecate, the Norns, and Iris. I seek to find love and to inspire love by reminding us we are not alone, while also meeting myself at the crossroads, holding the threads of life, and bringing down messages from the gods. (I've also published some books. You can get them at my website.) You can read more about the author here.

Previous Post

October 26, 2020

Samhain in the Time of Covid: The Spiral Dance Goes Online

Next Post

December 15, 2020 Running the Pentacle of Patience: A Tool for Grounding and Knowing

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Activism ADHD Allies Altars Ancestors Aphrodite Artemis Beloved Dead Beltane Book Reviews Books Brigid Classes Community Daily Magick Daily Practice Deathwork Deity Desire Devotion Divination Dreams Eclipse Everyday Magick Fall Equinox Feri Full Moon Gaia Godds grief Grounding Heart Magick Hope Integration Iris Joy Love Spell Magick Mercury Retrograde Mighty Dead Moon Myth New Moon Norns Pandemic Poetry Practical Magick Priestess Reclaiming Relationships Resilience Resistance Resourcing review Rite of Passage ritual Samhain Self Care Self Devotion Service Shadow Spell Spiral Dance Spring Equinox Summer Solstice Teaching Trance Uncategorized Water Winter Solstice Witchcamp Witchcraft Writing

Select a Month April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz