Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Catholic
8 Tips on How to be a Tough Alpha Male

8 Tips on How to be a Tough Alpha Male

Last updated on: November 30, 2022 at 12:57 am by Mark Wilson

8 Tips on How to be a Tough Alpha Male 2022-11-30T00:57:37-05:00 Mark Wilson

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Are you a guy who is single, board and alone?

That’s probably because your a wimpy pansy girly man and repel women like Italians repel pineapple on pizza.

Or you could be just a celibate who has decided to join a monastery with a bunch of other guys wearing a cool medieval robe, basking in silence and chanting emmmm all day long. If your in a real cool monastery you might just learn some ancient secret form of martial arts.

For the sake of the steel proof arguments and points I am going to make in this article let’s just say your the scruffy looking nerf herder. That means we have to face the fact that a True Manly Man that any woman would want to date and or marry is as hard as finding a bad Chuck Norris movie. You want that great looking hair on fire redhead across the room at the holiday party but she is drawn to the other slick confident male figure in the room looking as dapper as Tom Cruise in Top Gun.

So why is the Tom Cruise wanna be getting the eyes of all the young attractive ladies in the room and your talking with the geeks from public relations? Because he is an Tough Alpha Male.

There is one sure fire way of getting the ladies to notice you and one of the most hip radical things you can do in today’s world is to become a Tough Alpha Male. It’s the rage in TV, Movies, Some music and probably books if you look hard enough. Becoming a Tough Alpha Male will assure you that you can tell the tale that your sissy low self-esteem will run away with its tail between its legs and you got the date with that bodacious babe instead of that dweeb. Reading this blog post will give you 8 foolproof pointers that all Tough Alpha Males have in common.

1. Learn to say proactive statements that strike deep thought into the minds of all boring bland betas in the room. The statement might sound daft and parody like to non Tough Alpha Males (TAMS), but to those with superior functioning brain power, it will light up your motivation to seek dominance as a TAM.

2. You are what you eat. If you want to become one of the elite TAMS, you need to become one bit by bit. I can think of no better food then this to accomplish the purpose.

3. If you have a chance to befriend a TAM and learn the ropes of becoming one yourself, don’t discard the opportunity. Even if a TAMS says he is just an ordinary guy and not as tough as everyone else makes him out to be, don’t necessarily believe it if he has a history of being a badass TAM. A true TAM doesn’t need to show off and can be humble and modest. The following video showcases all these points and more. It showcases a missed opportunity I hope none of you lads ever have to experience yourself.

4. Tough Guys need a theme song you can sing along with. Having a pretty female belt out your Tough Alpha Male theme song is an added bonus. Here is an example of such a song with an appropriate title. Tough Guys.

5. If your gonna be a Tough Alpha Male it is best that you root out all Tough Alpha Females. One way of doing this is when you meet that golden eyed beauty ask her this simple question. Do you like the stooges? It is a scientific fact that women hate the stooges and that men (mostly Tough Alpha Males) love them. If you meet a girl who defies this scientific reality take a hard pass on trying to woo her and head somewhere else.

6. If you want to be seen as a Tough Alpha Male you got to show defiance to an even Tougher Alpha Male. The Toughest Alpha Male around is the pope. He is the leader of a zillion Catholics both in America and the rest of the world. If your a Catholic in Antarctica, the Pope is your pope also. He can snap his fingers and your out of the church just like that. That is a Tough Alpha Male.

Here is the pope looking cool holding a koala. That think could scratch his eyes out or steal his hat and here he is without fear holding it. This guy also got shot and lived. That’s how tough he is. So if you want to show people how Tough and Alpha you are, you just have to put the pope in his place. Here is an example of how it is done.

First you take something the Pope Says.

Pope Francis@Pontifex (Nov 3,2022)

These days in the Kingdom of #Bahrain mark a precious stage in the journey of friendship that has intensified in recent years with various Islamic religious leaders: a fraternal journey that, beneath the gaze of Heaven, seeks to foster peace on earth. #ApostolicJourney

Here the pope is trying to bring about peace and goody two shoe stuff like that. He is the Chuck Norris of religious peacemakers. So if you want to put the pope in his place you got to say something that makes his tweet look damp and dumb.

Michael J. Matt@Michael_J_Matt (Nov 4,2022)

From Biden to Beegoglio, we’re in the hands of delusional octogenarians living in an altered reality.

Look at the sheer poetry of his Alpha Male Tweet. He creates a image found in Sci-Fi movies, uses a word you might need a dictionary for and makes the pope look foolish for trying for peace. The nice added touch that seals the deal is that he not only calls the pope by his real name, but misspells it to drive home his point. Whoa. Mic Drop indeed.

See the source image

7. Learn some pithy insults. Pithy insults will show how intelligent and cool you are. It also serves as a warning or someone to back off in case they might get hurt even worse. Watch this video from professor Groucho and learn.

8. Find a badass sport that will make people’s heads explode. Getting in a giant foam ball and getting knocked around by raging bulls is a good example to show a public audience just how Tough an Alpha Male you can be.

I was thinking of adding at least 4 more fun filled tips on how to be a Tough Alpha Male, but decided that I didn’t want peoples minds blown too much as they sit and ponder all this information. Take these all to heart and start being the Tough Alpha Male you know you can be.

TOUGH ALPHA MALE BONUS TIP

Be a saintly guy who dresses up as a super hero to make people’s heads spin.

Your being religious as a monk and you have that cool hero look as well.

A hero of the faith.

If you die you can protect the pope from heaven with your web of prayers using your saintly spider sense.

Entertainment

Humor

Previous Post

November 7, 2022

Imperfection of Weird Al

Next Post

November 18, 2022 Disputes You Will Always Have With You

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category 1889 abortion adoption Advent After Life Angles apologetics Art Awards BCCT bible book review books business Carmelite Catechetics Catholic Actors catholic authors Catholic Bard Catholic Faith Catholic List Catholic Rigorous Vortex Christian Authors Christmas church teaching civil conversation coronavirus Current Events death Different Religions Divine Mercy Easter Education encouragment Entertainment Eucharist Evangelization Event faith Family Life famous people feast day food Fun Stuff Global Church God guest post Harry Potter healing Heck of a Ride Around the Sun history holiday Holy Family Holy Orders Holy Spirit Holy Week hope Humor Interview Ireland Jesus kindle unlimited reflections Last Things Lecto Divina with Kristin Lent Lent/Easter liturgy love marriage Mary Meet the Author Mission Month in Advance Movie Review Movies Movies of the Month Music Narrative Older Writings patheos authors personal Philosophy podcasts poetry political Politics pope prayer Private Revelation pro-life public domain Quotes racial relations racism reflection Religious Life Saints science Scriptural Meditation social justice Social Media spirituality suffering supernatural theology Topics Travel Trivia Tweeting to the Choir Uncategorized universal church Vatican virtue war Week in Review women world religions writing Writing Write Now

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What African country is known for its ancient Coptic Christian Church?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Egypt South Africa Nigeria Ghana

Books by This Author Books by Catholic Bard

See All Titles »