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2019-07-05T18:18:36-04:00

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Toxic Masculinity, Toxic Masculinity, TOOO-XIC Masculinity (And Femininity Too-oo-oooo)

Last updated on: July 5, 2019 at 6:18 pm By Melinda Selmys

Is masculinity really toxic? And if there’s toxic masculinity, shouldn’t there be toxic femininity too? For whatever reason, these topics have come up a lot in my feed over the past few days. Including this rather odd old article from Quillette where the author (who seems like an intelligent, reasonable sort even if I don’t agree with her much) unintentionally reveals that a lot of people who object to the idea of “toxic masculinity” don’t really know what it is... Read more

2019-06-25T12:16:17-04:00

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Get Behind Me, Tony Esolen: Stop Making Marriage a Sadist’s Playground

Last updated on: June 25, 2019 at 12:16 pm By Melinda Selmys

Usually I avoid reading Crisis magazine because I think it’s editorial policy is quite literally Luciferian: they spew evil while presenting themselves as the shining defenders of truth and light. Now, it’s said that you shouldn’t argue with the devil because he is smarter than you and he will always win. Fortunately, Crisis writer Tony Esolen has no such credentials. Although his most recent offering on marriage is chillingly dangerous in application, it’s also desperately poor in argumentation. However it... Read more

Why I Don't Come on Back to the War

2019-05-07T13:02:39-04:00

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Don’t Unfriend the Nazi: How Ideological Abuse Isolates Its Victims

Last updated on: May 7, 2019 at 1:02 pm By Melinda Selmys

I’ve been thinking a lot about the “do you have to unfriend the Nazi” controversy. I know, I know, it’s dead. It’s buried. Long dead. Why bring it up again? Well, because I was reading a totally unrelated article about how to spot red flags for abusive relationships — and I finally figured out what it is about the controversy that bothered me so much. It’s the red flags. Woman undergoes a change in her values, personality and ideology almost... Read more

2019-04-30T11:57:03-04:00

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

The Powerlessness of Prayer: On Detaching with Love

Last updated on: April 30, 2019 at 11:57 am By Melinda Selmys

I had called, and shouted, and pleaded, bullied and begged, bargained and cajoled, prayed and wept a hundred thousand times for my ex to come forth, out of the tomb of his addiction, and he never did. But now, maybe, when I had let go, had moved out of God’s way, maybe now it would work? Read more

2019-04-21T12:54:20-04:00

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Fearful Resurrection

Last updated on: April 21, 2019 at 12:54 pm By Melinda Selmys

We always see the Resurrection from the point of view of those who witnessed it. Those who saw you in the garden, who ran to see the open tomb. But I wonder, what was it like, opening your eyes in the early hours of the morning, seeing the first sliver of light as the stone rolled back, ending the eclipse of life by death. I think we often imagine it, if at all, as a something from a superhero movie.... Read more

2019-04-14T16:43:30-04:00

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

The Power of Negative Thinking: On Trauma and Validation

Last updated on: April 14, 2019 at 4:43 pm By Melinda Selmys

It was my last year of high-school, late at night, and my boyfriend, J, was driving me home. Or rather, that’s where he was supposed to be driving me. Instead, he put on some loud and violent music that I told him I didn’t like and started driving out to the middle of nowhere. As he drove, he talked about how he wanted to kill me. My emotional reaction at the time was slightly puzzling, but also pleasing to me.... Read more

2019-04-05T21:55:44-04:00

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

28 Guaranteed Ways to Drive Any Man in the Universe Wild

Last updated on: April 5, 2019 at 9:55 pm By Melinda Selmys

I recently read an article written by a Catholic woman in which she outlined ways to romance your husband. I must admit, the article left me more than a little flummoxed. The ideas put forth in the article included the suggestions “Leave a lacy unmentionable in his gym bag or briefcase so he’ll find it during the day at work;” “Go on a “New Fragrance Date” at the mall. His job is to pick out a new sexy perfume for... Read more

2019-03-22T12:19:56-04:00

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

8 Ways Catholics May Enable Domestic Abuse

Last updated on: March 22, 2019 at 12:19 pm By Melinda Selmys

In the few weeks since I started to blog about my experiences in an abusive relationship, I’ve had an opportunity to see first hand how Catholics respond to women who claim to be abused. Up front, I want to acknowledge the good: I’ve had a lot of people express support, offer prayers, share their own experiences, and thank me for bringing this issue to the fore. One friend even mailed me cookies. Another reader sent a copy of an excellent... Read more

2019-03-18T11:45:58-04:00

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Why Am I Still Writing For Patheos Catholic?

Last updated on: March 18, 2019 at 11:45 am By Melinda Selmys

Several months ago, I announced that I was no longer able to worship in the Catholic Church. This has prompted several people to ask, quite reasonably, why I am still blogging for the Catholic channel. They deserve an answer. When The Field Hospital Isn’t Safe First, it’s important to understand that I haven’t rejected Catholicism. I’m currently working out how I feel and think in the aftermath of an abusive marriage, and there is a strong relationship between that marriage... Read more

2019-03-06T13:24:32-04:00

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Sexual Coercion and Spousal Rape: What the Church Needs To Do

Last updated on: March 6, 2019 at 1:24 pm By Melinda Selmys

It was after the birth of my sixth child, my family had taken my other children so that I could rest and recover with the baby, and my husband was binge drinking. For days he raged about the house while I tried to take care of a newborn. When he was closer to sober, he wanted to argue about Church sexual teaching. When he was drunk enough the pretext of theological discussion fell away and he stated his demands simply:... Read more

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