Cock-blocking for Jesus: A Modest Proposal for Christian Men Who are Concerned About Trans Bathroom Rights

Last updated on: April 13, 2016 at 8:45 am by Melinda Selmys

Cock-blocking for Jesus: A Modest Proposal for Christian Men Who are Concerned About Trans Bathroom Rights 2016-04-13T02:21:53-04:00 Melinda Selmys

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Amid all of the talk about laws preventing trans people from using washrooms and change-rooms according to their gender identity (rather than their genitalia) there’s a significant elephant in the room. Generally, the argument is that these laws are necessary to protect women. Nobody ever seems especially concerned about trans men peeing and changing in men’s spaces. Nor, for that matter, are very many people afraid that trans women will victimize cis women in bathrooms and change-rooms.

The fear is that cis men will take advantage of these laws in order to enter women’s spaces and victimize women.

Over and against this fear, trans women argue that they are harassed, bullied and sexually assaulted at an insane rate – often in male-only spaces. They need to be able to use the women’s washroom for exactly the same reason that women need to have a separate washroom in the first place: because male washrooms and gender-neutral facilities are not safe.

Trans women are not the problem here – but they are the ones being called on to suffer. Why? Because these laws really don’t have anything to do with making women safe. What they are really about is using the mantra of “women’s safety” in order to promote a specific political agenda that is to a large degree not especially interested in protecting women. Sorry, but when a party that overwhelmingly does not support paid maternity leave, whose representatives make embarrassing comments about sexual assault being “natural,” and whose voters believe that Donald Trump’s misogynistic comments do not immediately disbar him from holding any kind of public office, suddenly becomes concerned about “protecting women” when they can use this as an excuse to stick it to trans women I become immediately suspicious of their motives.

Now, not all men who argue that women must be protected from male predators in their bathrooms are Republican voters, and there are many Republican voters who are not misogynists. So if you’re one of those, here are some things that you can do that will be much more effective in preventing violence and assault against women than transgender bathroom laws:

1. Don’t laugh off misogyny. I know that this is tough, and it takes moral courage – but courage, and particularly the courage to protect women, is supposed to be what traditional masculinity is all about. So if you hear a friend or a colleague making an inappropriate comment about some girl’s clothing or appearance, remind them that that’s not okay. If someone behaves like sexual assault or violence against women is funny, don’t laugh. Have the guts to act like this is a serious problem when it means being the party-pooper. You don’t have to behave like a social justice warrior. A simple, low key “Not funny, guy, not funny” or “Hey, not cool” is probably going to more effective than a lecture about women’s dignity in any case.

2. Believe women when they say that they feel uncomfortable or unsafe. It’s very common for women who are being subjected to harassment by creeps to have their concerns minimized by others. We have a lot of deeply ingrained social scripts that tell us that women’s emotions are out of control: that women are “hysterical” they “overreact” they get “upset over nothing.” When a woman does report that she’s feeling threatened or that a guy’s behaviour is unacceptable to her, people often act like she’s the problem. She’s uptight. She’s taking it too seriously. Maybe it’s that time of the month. Don’t do this. If a woman tells you that she’s being harassed or that she feels unsafe, there’s a probably a reason why she feels that way. If she asks for help, don’t tell her to calm down. Tell the guy who’s bothering her to leave off.

3. Oppose the culture when it says that women are sex objects. Numerous studies have demonstrated that pornography is correlated to negative attitudes about women. Don’t watch it. Encourage your friends and kids not to watch it. Don’t go to strip clubs. Also, don’t teach your children that a woman’s immodesty “naturally” causes men to see her as a sex object. Behave as though men have an obligation to cultivate interior chastity and self conrol regardless of how a woman behaves. Do not blame women for men’s bad behaviour.

4. Cock-block. If you’re in a social situation where a guy is pestering a woman who is clearly not interested, intervene. Don’t put on a super-hero cape and confront the dude; ask the woman “You okay with this guy?” Then she has the option to say “Yeah, it’s fine” or “Actually he’s kind of getting on my nerves.” Often women put up with aggressive or entitled behaviour from men because we fear that we are overreacting, that we’ll be socially penalized if we tell them to buzz off, or that if we’re too forceful then merely irritating behaviour will escalate into more serious forms of aggression. When someone else recognizes that the situation we’re in is not okay, and we know that person has our back, it’s much easier to insist on being treated with dignity.

5. Teach healthy attitudes. If you’re worried about your daughters, teach your sons how to be responsible and to treat women like people. Model respect in your own relationships. Talk about why it’s not okay to rate women’s bodies, or to use women for sex, or to call women “sluts” or “hos” because of the way they dress or because of their sexual behaviour. Teach you daughters how to handle guys who are harassing them. Teach them that they have the right to say “No” to men, not because they are princesses, or valuable flowers who will devalued if they are corrupted, but because they are human beings. Teach them to feel entitled to refuse a man’s advances in the same way, and for the same reasons, as you would feel entitled to refuse a gay guy if he started making persistent advances at you.

If you do these things, you will be a significant part of the solution. If you’re not willing to do them, then supporting trans bathroom laws instead is an act of cowardly tokenism: a purely symbolic way of making yourself feel like you’re “protecting women” when actually you’re just making life hellish for trans women. I don’t want that kind of protection, and I certainly don’t want it to be done in my name.

Image credit: Surian Soosey, “Mumbai Murders Highlight Harassment Problems in India / Abuse Night” licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0. The use of this work in no way implies the endorsement of the artist.

violence against women

We Just Need to Pee

Previous Post

April 13, 2016

Vocation of Forgiveness

Next Post

April 22, 2016 Michael Voris, Austin Ruse and The Problem of Detraction

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Abuse Beauty Charity Chastity Current Events Faith Family Feminism Fiction Humility Humour Identity Justice Perseverence Philosophy Poverty Sexuality trauma Uncategorized Virtues Wombats

Select a Month February 2020 November 2019 October 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz