How My Daughter is Teaching Me to Stop Gossiping and Look Up

Last updated on: May 7, 2012 at 8:16 am by Mary Alice

How My Daughter is Teaching Me to Stop Gossiping and Look Up 2012-05-07T08:16:47-06:00 Mary Alice

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Red’s recent post on meanness hit a nerve with a lot of readers, and I have been thinking about how the attitude that she describes can really wreak havoc on relationships so much closer than the nearest supermarket.

As a woman, I have often struggled with friendships with other women because I kick into some sort of competitive mode. In my head, I cut the person down, so that I can make myself feel that my competencies are more important than hers. I think that this is my smart girl’s conditioned response to a fun, pretty girl.

For a long time, this mindset really damaged my relationships, especially when thinking about other women’s faults drifted into talking about other women’s faults, almost compulsively.

I have been encouraged instead to look for what I can learn from the other woman, and to look for ways that what she brings can be a gift to my life. I can’t change my temperament, but I can work on my faults, I can try to emulate some of the good things about other women, or at the very least stop cutting them down.

Back to that pretty girl thing. My daughter wants to be a pretty girl. She is just more girly than I am. Her eyes LIT UP when she saw that her ballet costume for this weekend’s performance recommended curling her hair. My eyes rolled. Like, with all that I had to do that day, now I was going to curl my 7 year old’s hair for her 5 minutes on stage? The competitive part of me said, I don’t know how to do that, I don’t have time to do that, and therefore it is stupid to even want that.

My first big act of openness — I got in touch with my (former Miss Rhode Island) sister in law and asked to borrow curling stuff. My second big act of openness — I asked my mother in law to come over early and do the curling. Then, to fully conquer my competitiveness, knowing that Mary’s hair would be the prettiest and not wanting her to stand out, I invited her dance partner over to join the curling session.

Let me tell you, my daughter looked so pretty, but most of all she was so thrilled. I was really impressed at the care, attention and ability that my mother in law showed in doing the girls’ hair. I also remembered that Mary had been working for a year to prepare for those 5 minutes on stage, so our making them important was worthwhile.

My Mary makes friends where ever she goes, loads and loads of girl friends. She has a stream of toddlers following her around at the park. She is funny and open and kind. Even other adult women respond to her and invite her out for lunch or shopping! She has some “it girl” qualities that I want to admire, not squash, and wanting to be pretty goes hand in hand with that. I know that over time I will have to teach her that goodness is not all on the surface, but I think for now her personality is really pretty too, so I don’t have to worry about it too much yet. I have told she and her best playmate/dance partner that, like super heroes, they must use their power for good instead of evil, because all the younger ones on the block want to play with them, and they can make it more fun for everyone by being kind and welcoming them in.

And I can try to do the same, by welcoming women who have those strengths into her life, and by trying to learn a little bit from them. To start, I’m going to go brush my hair.

Children

Motherhood and Parenting

Previous Post

May 3, 2012

Easiest Lesson Planning Ever

Next Post

May 8, 2012 Can I hold your toddler?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Builders' Favorite Posts Children Education & Homeschool Food and Nutrition Health Home Organization Inside Our Inbox Keeping It Real Liturgical Seasons Marriage Miscellaneous Motherhood and Parenting Nature and the Environment NFP and Fertility Politics and Current Events Pregnancy Recipes Spiritual Life The Catholic Church Thoughts for Thursday Uncategorized

Select a Month April 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What happened to Jezebel as prophesied by Elijah?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Struck by lightning Eaten by dogs Burned alive Drowned