Natural Childbirth and National Pride

Last updated on: October 23, 2009 at 1:43 am by sullijo

Natural Childbirth and National Pride 2009-10-23T01:43:00-06:00 sullijo

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The stakes are high.

AWOL Mommy, brave and adventurous military wife and mom, is due to welcome AWOL Baby #3 next Thursday, October 29 in a German hospital.

In her own words: “in Germany it is assumed that you will have a natural delivery. That means that my wanting an epidural would reflect poorly on all American women. I have to do this not only for myself, but also for diplomacy.”

AWOL Mommy, we’re here for you. Thank you for doing this for us, the Birthing Women of America.

Friends, please post your patriotic sentiments, natural childbirth cheers, and birthdate and weight guesses. AWOL is a slow-cooker, with her babies normally arriving well after the due date.

“Natural-birthing AWOL Mommy” (sung to the tune of Yankee Doodle)

Marching toward the 29th,

A baby in her tummy.

Sassy in her army boots,

Natural-birthing AWOL Mommy.

AWOL Mommy, you’re a soldier,

Who needs pain medication?

With jacuzzis, focal points, breathing exercises,

Massage and relaxation.

For her due date, I guess November 1, All Saint’s Day, baby weighing 7lbs, 7oz (or 41 grammes or 1.5 kilometres or whatever form of Euro Metric you’re using). AWOL, I’ll talk to you on October 31 about how to lace your Halloween candy with castor oil.

The most accurate guesser will receive a Ritter Sport (German-made) candy bar. I’ll get your mailing address after the results are in. What better advances international relations than sharing national chocolate? We’ve got your back, AWOL. Good luck and God bless, friend!

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