teachable moment

Last updated on: September 24, 2009 at 12:30 am by Mary Alice

teachable moment 2009-09-24T00:30:00-06:00 Mary Alice

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I used to tell people that I am a great mom for 12 hours a day — I can work non stop from 7 am to 7 pm. If my day with the kids starts before that or ends after, however, it gets dicey.

Well, bedtime has floated to 8 o’clock or later over the summer, and I find that I am at my worst just when, in some ways, my kids need me most. Today was a particularly rough day for me, short on sleep and long on sugar, an entire plate of food and glass of milk were dropped on the floor during dinner, but still I managed, by grace and effort, to keep my cool until bathtime.

Then came the big test:

My oldest walked into the room where I had three little boys in the bath. “Mom, the light bulb in my bathroom broke.”

Me, testy: “What do you mean, it broke?”

“Uh…I was spraying it with my water bottle and it exploded.”

Deep breath, quick call to the Holy Spirit.

“That was a poor choice, buddy, please go clear up the dinner table while I get these guys into bed, and then I will come in and talk to you.”

This was amazing — I bought myself time to regain some composure. He went off to do something that would help me, but also time to think about what Mom might say or do and how he felt about it.

When I came out, the first thing he said was “is there anything else I can do to help?” I asked him to sit down in Dad’s big chair. He looked terrified.

In a totally calm voice, sitting right at his eye level, I said “I think you know that it is really dangerous to play with water and electricity, or to touch light bulbs at all. I don’t know if the fixture is going to be damaged as well. I suspect you knew that this was a bad idea when you were doing it, and now you see that there are consequences to your actions. You made a good choice, though, to come and tell me right away, and to tell the truth about how it happened. I am going to clean up the glass now, and then you can take your shower. I don’t feel safe replacing the light bulb in a wet fixture. Dad will take a look at it over the weekend. Until then, your bathroom will be a bit dark.”

After I had cleaned up the glass I sat with him while he, with my prompting, cleaned up his entire dressing area and bathroom, which had gotten a bit out of control over the last few days.

Once he was all cozy in his pajamas, he came to me and quietly said “Mom, thanks for helping me sort out my stuff, and for not being mad about the light bulb.”

I gave him a big hug and I said “P, you are going to make some mistakes in your life, but I want you to know that you can always tell me the truth. I will try hard to control my temper and to help you sort things out.”

This was a significant victory for both of us.

P is about to be 8, and I see that we are coming in to a different phase of our parenting. Slowly, he will have more freedom in order to learn self control. He will be tempted. I remember in those pre-teen years how tempting it was to “experiment” by melting crayons on the radiator, falling out of my bunk bed, all kinds of stupid stuff. The truth is, they are testing themselves, they are testing boundaries, and they are testing us. If I come to Mom with a problem, will she explode? I want to be strict with my kids, and there will be consequences for not doing your work or chores, for lying, for sneaking around, but I want them to know that I am here with love if they want to talk something out, or if they arrive at a place where a really bad choice has been made and they need help getting out of danger. I want them to learn these lessons before the teen years, when the natural consequences get too big, too fast.

This is a balancing act, and temperament comes into play as well, I am quick to anger, and this particular child takes things really hard, so I have to be very careful with him. In the next few years, I think we’ll both have a lot to learn.

Uncategorized

Previous Post

September 23, 2009

We've come a long way, babies...

Next Post

September 24, 2009 To Sigg Fans...

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Builders' Favorite Posts Children Education & Homeschool Food and Nutrition Health Home Organization Inside Our Inbox Keeping It Real Liturgical Seasons Marriage Miscellaneous Motherhood and Parenting Nature and the Environment NFP and Fertility Politics and Current Events Pregnancy Recipes Spiritual Life The Catholic Church Thoughts for Thursday Uncategorized

Select a Month April 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

I rebuilt the walls in just 52 days despite opposition from Sanballat and Tobiah. Who am I?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Zerubbabel Ezra Nehemiah Joshua