{"id":5976,"date":"2024-07-11T03:34:27","date_gmt":"2024-07-11T11:34:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/breathingspace\/?p=5976"},"modified":"2024-06-23T13:50:01","modified_gmt":"2024-06-23T21:50:01","slug":"im-sorry-eh-how-to-apologize-like-a-canadian","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/breathingspace\/2024\/07\/im-sorry-eh-how-to-apologize-like-a-canadian\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cI\u2019m Sorry, Eh?\u201d\u2014How to Apologize Like a Canadian"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>
Canadians are known for being polite and apologetic. But \u201cI\u2019m sorry, eh?\u201d is more than a trope. It\u2019s an expression of reconciliation.<\/strong><\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n
<\/a>
Image by Manuel Alvarez<\/a> from Pixabay<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n**
**
When I moved to Canada, I found that it\u2019s not just a stereotype that Canadians are friendly and quick to apologize. <\/strong>The first day I visited the country, I went to Walmart and heard, \u201cSorry,\u201d at least ten times. The world can learn something from Canadians about how to apologize.<\/p>\n
**
**\u00a0<\/p>\n
When to Apologize<\/h2>\n****
**
If you\u2019re like me, you learned to apologize when you say or do something hurtful. There are many variations on this.<\/strong> Some believe they should ask forgiveness only when they\u2019ve done something intentionally unkind. I used to be one of these. But I learned that I can do loads of damage without meaning to. So, I expanded my repertoire to include those inadvertent things that may cause people harm.<\/p>\n
**
****\u00a0<\/p>\n
I Beg Your Pardon<\/h2>\n****
**
Others beg pardon for their very existence. <\/strong>Most likely because when they were young, they had a stern authority figure who made them feel guilty about everything they did. While apologizing for harm you\u2019ve done can be healthy, too much apologizing can indicate poor self-esteem. People shouldn\u2019t have to walk on eggshells, begging pardon for breathing.<\/p>\n
**
****\u00a0<\/p>\n
I\u2019m Sorry You\u2019re Offended<\/h2>\n******
**
Others resist apologizing altogether. Nothing they do is wrong. They may say something conciliatory like, \u201cI\u2019m sorry you\u2019re offended,\u201d but that\u2019s not a sincere apology. It has all the form but none of the substance. It sounds condescending and pacifying, and only makes peace with someone who\u2019s not really listening.<\/p>\n
**
\u00a0<\/p>\n
**
What Makes for a Good Apology?<\/h2>\n
**
So, what makes for a good apology? I saw a sign that said, \u201cProper apologies have three parts. 1. What I did was wrong. 2. I feel badly that I hurt you. 3. How can I make this better.\u201d\u00a0 I might add that a good apology also promises to try not to make the same mistake in the future.<\/p>\n
**
******\u00a0<\/p>\n
Initiating Reconciliation<\/h2>\n********
**
********Up to this point, most people would agree with me. This is how your mama raised you. But a lot of folks have a tough time dealing with the idea of initiating reconciliation if they weren\u2019t the one in the wrong.<\/strong> They say, \u201cI\u2019ll forgive them once they apologize to me!\u201d\u00a0 But Jesus said:<\/p>\n
"
\u201cIf you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God (Matthew 5:23-24<\/a><\/span>).\u201d\u00a0<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Notice, Jesus didn\u2019t say, \u201cYou suddenly remember that you<\/em> have something against someone<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 He specifically communicated a scenario where someone else believes you to be at fault. So, Jesus puts the responsibility for reconciliation on my shoulders\u2013regardless of fault. <\/strong>Apologies aren\u2019t simply for when I know I\u2019m wrong. They\u2019re also for when someone else thinks I\u2019m wrong. So, I can apologize even when I don\u2019t believe it\u2019s my fault.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
What I Did Was Wrong<\/h2>\n***********
**
How do I do this? In the course of any disagreement, misunderstanding, argument, or altercation, if I genuinely look at what has transpired, I can find something that I did wrong in that moment.<\/strong> So, my apology might not be \u201cmy point in the argument was incorrect,\u201d if I thought I was right. That would be dishonest.<\/p>\n
**
Instead, my apology might sound like, \u201cI\u2019m sorry that I handled that poorly. <\/strong>I allowed it to become an argument. I believe this so passionately, but that doesn\u2019t give me the right to act the way I did. I know that I let my anger get out of hand, and that I hurt you. I\u2019d like to apologize and tell you that I\u2019ll communicate better in the future.\u201d\u00a0 That kind of apology is completely real, but it doesn\u2019t say that my position was incorrect. So, this is an example of how I can sincerely apologize when I hurt someone by something I said, even if I feel my position was correct.<\/p>\n
**
***********\u00a0<\/p>\n
A Perceived Offense<\/h2>\n*************
**
*************But what if someone gets hurt by a perceived offense, that not only did I not intend, but that I don\u2019t believe I actually did?<\/strong> If I admit to the offense, isn\u2019t that wrong? Here are three points to consider:<\/p>\n
\nThe other person might be right. I don\u2019t think I yelled (for instance), but maybe I did. Maybe their perception was more accurate than mine in that moment.<\/li>\nEven if I didn\u2019t yell, if I behaved in a way that made them feel as if <\/em>I yelled, I probably did something wrong.<\/li>\nI might consider that when I take the blame for something I didn\u2019t do, I\u2019m actually acting like Jesus.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n*************
**
*************\u00a0<\/p>\n
We Regarded Him as Stricken<\/h2>\n
2 Corinthians 5:21<\/a><\/span> says that God made Jesus, who never sinned, to become sin itself, so that we could be made right with God through Christ. <\/strong>In this view of what Jesus did on the cross, Jesus exchanged his sinlessness for our sin, taking upon himself the name of sinner.<\/p>\n
In his book\u00a0Cross Vision: How the Crucifixion of Jesus Makes Sense of Old Testament Violence<\/a><\/em><\/span>, Gregory Boyd explains that God values relationship so much that God is willing to be misunderstood, for the sake of reconciliation.<\/strong>\u00a0 Isaiah 53:4<\/a><\/span> gives us a key word that we usually miss\u2014so my emphasis is in bold print. \u201cWe in turn\u00a0regarded<\/strong>\u00a0him stricken, struck down by God, and afflicted.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s not that Jesus actually was<\/em> stricken, struck down by God, and afflicted. It\u2019s not that he actually was<\/em> guilty, or even (as so many churches teach) that God treated him as if he were <\/em>guilty (which wouldn\u2019t be either justice or mercy). Rather, Jesus allowed people to incorrectly view him as sinful, even though he was innocent so that he could demonstrate the gentle, non-retaliatory, and self-sacrificial love of God.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Acting Like Jesus\u2014Taking the Blame<\/h2>\n***************
**
So, if I\u2019m going to be like Jesus, I\u2019m going to quietly receive it when someone gets in my face and spits and screams, \u201cYou blanketyblank, you did this to me!\u201d\u00a0 Instead of returning insult for insult, I\u2019m going to expose my back to be scourged, as it were. I\u2019m going to stretch out my arms to be crucified. I\u2019m going to allow that person to view me as guilty, even if I don\u2019t think I did anything wrong (and even if I\u2019m certain that I\u2019m right). <\/strong>Why? Because this is what Jesus did\u2014for the sake of reconciliation.<\/p>\n
**
***************\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n
Personal and Corporate Apologies<\/h2>\n*****************
**
*****************I can do this on a personal level when a friend or a stranger believes I\u2019ve wronged them<\/strong>. I can allow them to perceive me as guilty, without feeling the need to defend myself. I can apologize for the things I did that may have made the matter worse, even if I can\u2019t in good conscience apologize for my stance on an issue.<\/p>\n
I can also do this on a corporate level.<\/strong> When a BIPOC person<\/a><\/span> who has experienced not only personal trauma but historical and racial trauma, recounts to me the things that my ancestors have done to oppress their people, I am more than willing to apologize for what my people have done.\u00a0 I have done this many times, with many individuals, and you\u2019d be amazed at how peacemaking it can be. It doesn\u2019t mean that I feel I am personally responsible for the behavior of slave traders and conquistadors<\/a><\/span>. But it does mean I regret their horrible actions and will do whatever I can to heal hurts that may have stemmed from those atrocities. It means I\u2019m willing to put relationship above my personal fragile defensiveness, enough to say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m Sorry, Eh?\u201d<\/h2>\n*******************
**
I realize that as a child, your parents may have forced you to apologize, even if you didn\u2019t feel you were at fault. <\/strong>Some of you may have become overly apologetic, while others may stubbornly refuse to make amends. Maybe it\u2019s triggering for you, when I say that you should do this.\u00a0 So instead of asking you to follow suit, I will only tell you the blessing that it has been for me, to be willing to lay my back open to the scourgers, to take the blame for something that may not even be my fault. Because, at the end of it all, there is resurrection, reconciliation, and restoration.<\/p>\n
**
When I moved to Canada, I learned a lot about how to apologize. <\/strong>Saying you\u2019re sorry can make the difference between pain and healing, war, and peace. All too often, we get so stuck on being right, that we make it more important than being loving. In Canada, you often hear \u201cEh?\u201d tacked onto the end of an apology. This one word is more than a request for affirmation. At the end of, \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d it means, \u201cNow, the ball\u2019s in your court, to do with it what you will.\u201d<\/p>\n
**
As a Christian, reconciliation is absolutely your obligation.<\/strong> Once you do your part, you are free to unburden yourself of the responsibility. Now it\u2019s time to wait and see how the other person responds. When you have an argument, I invite you to apologize like a Canadian.<\/p>\n
**
*******************\u00a0<\/p>\n
For related reading, check out my other articles:<\/h3>\n\nHow To Be a Giveasheetmotherfather<\/a><\/span><\/li>\nPeacemaking: Looking Them in the Eye of Their Personal Storm<\/a><\/span><\/li>\nNot THAT Kind of Christian!<\/a><\/span><\/li>\nWhat You Need to Know About Breaking Generational Curses<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"*********************
**
*********************Canadians are known for being polite and apologetic. But \u201cI\u2019m sorry, eh?\u201d is more than a trope. It\u2019s an expression of reconciliation. \u00a0 When I moved to Canada, I found that it\u2019s not just a stereotype that Canadians are friendly and quick to apologize. The first day I visited the country, I went to Walmart […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4628,"featured_media":5982,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1263,173,6],"tags":[4101,2930,4110,4104,4113,4107],"class_list":["post-5976","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-health","category-social-justice","category-spirituality","tag-apologizing","tag-canadian-stereotypes","tag-gregory-boyd-cross-vision","tag-how-to-apologize","tag-im-sorry-eh","tag-truth-and-reconciliation"],"yoast_head":"\n\u201cI\u2019m Sorry, Eh?\u201d\u2014How to Apologize Like a Canadian<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Canadians are known for being polite and apologetic. But \u201cI\u2019m sorry, eh?\u201d is more than a trope. 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