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The Guest Who Stayed at an Unfriendly Table

The Guest Who Stayed at an Unfriendly Table

Last updated on: August 17, 2026 at 3:15 am by Gregory T. Smith

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The Guest Who Stayed at an Unfriendly Table 2026-08-16T13:23:07-08:00 Gregory T. Smith

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Feeling like an unwelcome guest? Jesus models how to be a gracious guest, even at tables where you are invited, but not really wanted.

Learning from Jesus to take the posture of the guest means practicing humility while still being able to assert yourself. (Image by kaboompics on Pexels.)

I’ve often found myself a misfit among my clergy peers. When I attended a moderate seminary because of geography rather than theological perspectives, I was still clinging to the conservative views of my upbringing. I could sense my classmates and even some professors tolerating my traditionalism while struggling to mask their impatience through gracious smiles.

The broad-minded institution did its work on me, though. It moved me from right-wing to moderate. My label depended on the company I kept. Some clergy groups considered me the conservative among liberals. At other gatherings, I was the liberal at the fundamentalist table. Though I had many loving friends, I often felt like I didn’t fit in.

Invited, But Not Really Wanted

I remember when the United States legalized marriage for LGBTQIA+ couples. Immediately, churches in the conservative denomination in which I was a part shouted their outrage. Not long after the Supreme Court decision, my local church association met. One of the items on the agenda was to pass a formal resolution denouncing homosexuality and naming biblical marriage as an institution for one man, one woman, for life. I felt every burning eye on me as I stood in the assembly and pleaded with them not to pass this resolution, reminding them of the many biblical examples that proved the contrary. When I was done, I sat down and we voted. As I predicted, my vote was the only dissenting one in the meeting. Ever afterwards, I felt that I was invited to the table but not really wanted.

The Posture of the Guest

In my last article, I discussed how much my wife and I enjoy hosting dinner parties. We get to plan the menu, prepare our home, and welcome friends and family to a meal prepared with love. Hospitality is a virtue, to be sure. But just as important—if not more so—is our ability to take the posture of the guest.

That association meeting taught me a difficult lesson: you can do everything right as a guest. You can stay humble, express yourself graciously, refuse aggression and adopt a modest attitude—and still the table can make you very aware that you’re merely tolerated, not wanted.

What do you do in those situations? Let’s see how Jesus modeled the posture of a guest at the home of a Pharisee named Simon.

A Cool Reception

In Luke 7:35-50, Jesus accepted the religious leader’s invitation to a dinner party at his home. From the moment he arrived, the visiting rabbi felt the cool reception. Though he accepted Jesus into his home, Simon skipped the customary expressions of hospitality.

Typical Middle Eastern hosts received guests as dignitaries, with a basin of water and a servant to wash the road dust from weary feet. But Simon provided no such ablution. Jesus rightly regarded this slight as Simon’s hint that the visitor should eat his meal quickly and go.

In Western culture, we might greet visitors at the door with a firm handshake or a loving hug. Levantine greetings were usually more intimate. A kiss on the cheek was a sure sign of welcome. To welcome someone into your home meant that they came under your protection. A kiss symbolized not only affection but real refuge on a family-level. Simon denied Jesus this courtesy as well.

Palestine is a hot, dry, dusty place, and travel exposed a person to these elements. Hosts kept a supply of olive oil for their guests to rub into their skin and scalp. Oil was also used as a cosmetic in that time. Anointing a guest meant treating them with the same level of care a host would take for themselves. People with Simon’s wealth usually used scented oils to mask body odor and the scent of pack animals. Jesus was offered none of these, either as luxuries, formalities, or even as common friendliness. Simon denied him not just pleasantries, but the bare minimum.

Two Contrasting Welcomes

In the midst of this cold reception, a woman entered uninvited. She wept on Jesus’s feet, dried them with her hair, and anointed Jesus with costly ointment. Compared to the stoic reception of the host, this woman’s emotional care for Jesus impressed her Lord.

Whatever indifference Simon felt toward Jesus, he reacted with prejudice against the woman’s intrusion. Luke gives the Pharisee’s internal dialogue: “If this man were a prophet, he would have known who and what kind of woman this is who is touching him, that she is a sinner.” Yet, Simon said nothing out loud to Jesus. His body language was louder than any objection he might have raised.

These two contrasting welcomes stood in such stark relief that Jesus took note. It’s important to note that Jesus didn’t react to something said aloud. Instead, by taking the posture of the guest, he was able to read the room. Rather than confronting the situation directly, Jesus told the parable of the two debtors. He could have publicly humiliated his host for this ungracious attitude, but Jesus dealt with it obliquely by telling a story. Only privately did he speak with Simon about the host’s insulting reception. And he did it in a humble way, apart from the other guests.

What Jesus Does as a Guest

Today’s Christianity often models itself more on the host than on the guest. It sees itself as having what others need, and expecting others to come to the church to find it. Then, it determines whether or not they are worthy to receive that blessing. Some religious leader judges others as “sinners” and withholds good from those who need it, while denying the dignity and divinity inherent in others.Jesus, on the other hand, does three things from which Christians would do well to learn.

He doesn’t judge Simon back. Jesus insisted that he was not the judge. In fact, he reminded his disciples to take the logs out of their own eyes before they tried to take the speck out of anyone else’s. None of us has perfect vision—so those of us who follow Jesus have no right to judge. This doesn’t mean we must sit idly and watch injustice and indignity done to others. Jesus names what’s happening in the room, but he doesn’t punish Simon for it or storm out. Instead, he handles it lovingly and discreetly.
He doesn’t need to win the room. He didn’t try to outshine others. He could have put the spotlight on himself but instead he turned the dimmer switch down by telling a simple story. (I explore this “dimmer switch” idea further in Jesus and Lao Tzu: The Way of Love.) Jesus could have publicly shamed Simon in front of every guest and he didn’t. Instead, he practiced restraint without being conflict-avoidant. In doing so, he got to choose what kind of victory is worth having, and what kind is best avoided because of its hollowness.
He’s already at home in unlikely places. Because Jesus regularly made himself a guest in the homes of people that others avoided, he was familiar with cold tables and uncomfortable silences. For this reason, Simon’s attitude wasn’t destabilizing. When we practice the posture of the guest, we hone our skills of dealing with the awkward.

Welcomed in Form, Not in Warmth

You may have comparable experiences to mine, and similar encounters to Jesus. Simon’s table becomes a template for many rooms where people are welcomed in form, but not in warmth. These could be in interfaith spaces or even within your own religious community, where you feel merely tolerated because of your unique perspective. Or they might be at family gatherings, where you have a place at the table while feeling estranged from the rest.

Learning from Jesus to take the posture of the guest means practicing humility while still being able to assert yourself. It means speaking like a sage rather than a smart alec. It means listening more than you talk and loving others without becoming defensive or divisive.

Think of one table that feels like Simon’s house for you. Unless it does you harm, consider how you can stay at that table—even if just for one more visit—without needing to win the room. Because like in Jesus’s encounter in that place, there might just be someone else there who needs your voice of love and wisdom.

For related reading, check out my other articles:

If you’ve ever found yourself invited to the table but not fully welcomed, you’re not alone. Join me on Patreon for deeper reflections on following the way of love in places where faith, belonging, and difficult conversations meet.

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About Gregory T. Smith

I live in the beautiful Fraser Valley of British Columbia and work in northern Washington State as a behavioral health specialist with people experiencing homelessness and those who are overly involved in the criminal justice system. Before that, I spent over a quarter-century as lead pastor of several Virginia churches. My newspaper column, “Spirit and Truth,” ran in Virginia newspapers for fifteen years. I am one of fourteen contributing authors of the Patheos/Quoir Publishing book “Sitting in the Shade of Another Tree: What We Learn by Listening to Other Faiths.” I hold a degree in Religious Studies from Virginia Commonwealth University and also studied at Baptist Theological Seminary at Richmond. My wife Christina and I have seven children between us, and we are still collecting grandchildren. You can read more about the author here.

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