Experiencing PantheaCon As Community

Last updated on: February 13, 2016 at 4:19 pm by Annika Mongan

Experiencing PantheaCon As Community 2016-02-13T16:19:33-07:00 Annika Mongan

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It’s Saturday afternoon at PantheaCon and I’m in my hotel room in spite of my chronic case of FOMO – the Fear Of Missing Out. Right now I am missing Godless Bless, A Panel on Atheism/Agnosticism in Paganism and Magick in America: 1820 – 1952, both of which I had added to my schedule of events. I’m having a very different PantheaCon experience from the one I thought I would be having.

For one, I am not in the Double Tree hotel but in one of the overflow hotels. I’ve underestimated how strong the spirit of the convention is the Double Tree, that even when you think you’ve escaped by retreating to your room, you’re still somehow in it. Walking across the street, through the casino parking lot, and past a whole bunch of normal people (they seen to enjoy staring at my outfit) makes me realize how different the world outside of the hotel really is.

Patheos Pagans and friends having dinner together.

I’m also in a different place than I was at previous PantheaCons. Every year I’ve recognized more faces and felt at home. But this year, for the first time, I feel like I am grounded in this community. Last year I went to the Patheos writers’ meet and greet, excited to say hello to people whose writing has meant a lot to me. I fantasized about some day writing for Patheos myself. That “some day” happened much sooner than I thought, so this year I enjoyed chatting with Thorn Mooney from Oathbound and John Beckett from Under The Ancient Oaks, who were sitting near me at the Patheos writers’ dinner. And of course I got to meet “the boss” Jason Mankey again for the first time, as happens every time we see each other. Somehow the running joke, which started a couple of years ago when he didn’t recognize me, still hasn’t gotten old. It has become a not-so-secret hugging ritual in its own rite.

There’s a part of me that can’t believe this is real. I was on a similar path once before, in the Christian Emergent Church scene. I had graduated college with degrees in Bible and Theology, had been ordained, and was now in full time ministry. But I was always on the periphery. At most Emergent Church leadership meetings I was the only woman. I was used to the need for my contributions to be repeated by my husband before they were taken seriously. The speaking and writing assignments I asked for were usually given to one of the men, most of whom had less experience and fewer qualifications than myself.

So it’s no wonder that the most astounding thing at my first PantheaCon was the absence of this gender discrimination. I had given up on ever being given a voice in a religious community. (I wrote about this moment on my old website,before I had a blog on PaganSquare or Patheos). I think for the last couple of year’s I’ve secretly wondered if this was a “too good to be true” phase that would only last until it was discovered that I was a) too honest, b) a sinner, and c) just a woman [gasp].

Selfie with some of my most favorite people in the world like Lizann Bassham (http://www.lizannbassham.com)

So this morning as I skipped one amazing workshop and ritual after another in favor of people watching, I felt a deep peace descend on me. This community no longer feels like a honeymoon lover, but a life partner. The card I drew for today is the Nine of Cups, which in the Shadowscapes tarot reads “Enjoy the pleasure of the sense, satisfaction, and wish fulfillment. The future is assured, and there is bounty on the horizon.”

I feel like am beginning to reap the harvest of my spiritual practice. The work of the Iron Pentacle has helped me grow. It continues to challenge me to “own my shit and no one else’s”, as a friend of mine put it. It shapes me and confronts me with my edges, so that I can better engage the work of the Pearl Pentacle, the work of community.

I love watching people walk by me at PantheaCon who I know have been embroiled in conflict, but have managed to work things out. Once or twice I’ve seen folks hug who I know have recently gone through a process of reconciliation. It makes me proud to be a part of this crowd. Later I will also hear about all of the things that went wrong at PantheaCon, new and old controversies, hurts and injustices. Alongside all the beauty and magic we create, there always seems to be a streak of ugliness that needs to be addressed.

The view from my hotel room.

But right now I am enjoying the ability to sit here by myself and be at peace and at home. I love the feeling of being grounded and yet so full of energy and love. Despite all of our flame wars and problems, we really are a beautiful community, and I am grateful and proud to call it home. I look outside of my hotel window one last time and breathe in the quiet. And then it is time to return to the conference for a dose of Angus’ Pagan humor, endless more hugs and kisses, hospitality suite cruising, and talking until my voice goes out. Blessed be this PantheaCon.

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