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Being Known

Being Known

Last updated on: September 1, 2024 at 8:12 am by Billy Kangas

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Being Known 2024-09-01T08:12:08-04:00 Billy Kangas

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There is something about St. Augustine that I have always loved. His writings come alive in a way few other father’s of the Church are able to do. This came home to me this week as I was praying the Office of Readings on both his own feast day and that of his Mother’s, Monica, that proceeds it. In both offices the second reading is taken from Augustine’s Confessions. The readings are alive with their author. The candidness and personal revelation of Augustine’s Confessions is refreshing and moving. He shares of his relationships to others and his relationship to God with vulnerability. You see into the man’s heart.

Being allowed to see another’s heart is a rare gift. The tendency of many in our world today is to harden the heart, showing only a curated image of ourselves. Vulnerabilities and failings are so quickly exploited by those who seek to climb the social ladders of our world by pushing down those around them. From the bullies that prowl the playgrounds all the way up to the stump speeches of our aspirants to national office this discourse of destruction stifles the discourse of disclosure in every arena but the most intimate of our lives.

This week I read a really excellent book by David Brooks – How to Know a Person.

In a way this book is a handbook on how to discover the heart of those around you. It’s richly layered, wonderfully written, well-research and incredibly practical. I have the feeling this will be the first read of many for me. At one point Brooks puts a flag in the ground and tells us that there is a sickness in our culture that has turned dialog into verbal combat and damaging our ability to see the humanity of our interlocutors. Brooks writes:

“We live in a culture that is paradigmatic rich and narrative poor. In Washington, for example, we have these political talk shows that avoid anything personal. A senator or some newsmaker comes on to offer talking points on behalf of this or that partisan position. The host asks gotcha questions, scripted in advance, to challenge this or that position. The guests spit out a bunch of canned talking-point answers. The whole thing is set up as gladiatorial verbal combat. Just once I’d love to have a host put aside the questions and say, “Just tell me who you are.” It would be so much more interesting, and it would lead to a healthier political atmosphere. But we don’t live in a culture that encourages that.”

I found this reality to be very much at work in many of the recent interviews of political candidate’s that have been in the news. Perhaps most notably the National Association of Black Journalists conference, where Trump and Rachel Scott crossed swords, but also in many ways in less confrontation interviews with friendly journalists, as seen in the recent Dana Bash interview with Tim Walz and Vice President Kamala Harris. In each of these cases curiosity wasn’t driving the conversation. A surprising example of a different interview was the appearance of Donald Trump with Theo Von. Von was curious and vulnerable as an interviewer and the result was one of the more interesting conversations with Trump that I have seen. I imagine there will always be a need for journalist that ask the difficult probing questions, but Brooks is onto something. We may discover more when we put aside the rehearsed line of questioning and lean into following the path of curiosity.

Another way this need to know a person that has recently come home to me is as I’ve begun to interview dozens of candidates for open positions at the Pope Francis Center in Detroit, where I serve. My friend Aaron Hrcka recommended an interview process by ghSMART outlined in the books Power Score and Who. I decided to lean into it and it’s been eye opening. In this model, candidates are interviewed three times, but you don’t really get into the nitty gritty of the job itself until the third interview. Instead, you spend the bulk of your time asking trying to understand each step in the job prospect’s professional journey. I’ve found it eye opening how much more of the information that I struggled to discover through focused questioning is revealed through strategic curiosity.

All of this came home to me this weekend. In today’s Gospel reading. Jesus is approached by religious leaders who have a “gotcha” mentality themselves. They seek the disqualify Jesus’ ministry because some of his disciples didn’t live up to the tradition of the Elders in the matter of washing his hands. In response Jesus quotes Isaiah 29:13 stating, “These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.” He reminds the leaders that if they are looking at the surface for what is good or evil they are missing the point. Instead, it is more important to see into the heart. This week I am praying that I might be more like St. Augustine. May I have such a radical confidence in God that I can open my heart without fear and approach others with such love and hospitality that they are freed to be known as they meet with me.

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