Ten Things that Make No Sense at the Beach

Last updated on: September 12, 2023 at 1:56 am by Ben Witherington

Ten Things that Make No Sense at the Beach 2023-08-22T15:40:40-04:00 Ben Witherington

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I’ve been going to North Myrtle Beach since the 1950s when I was a wee lad. And increasingly, I have observed people who come to the beach and their behavior makes no sense. Here’s some of what I’ve observed:

People who come to the beach and do not go in the ocean, but instead swim in the hotel swimming pool, even if it is the size of a postage stamp. I mean they could have gone to a pool in their own home town. Why come to the beach and ignore the number one attraction there— the beach and the ocean. This makes no sense
People who do not dress appropriately on the beach. If you are grossly over-weight or out of shape, no one wants to see you in a tiny weeny bikini, or for the men in a speedo and T shirt…… and while I’m on this subject— attention teenage girls and young ladies— you apparently decided that this year there is a behind contest that you are entering, showing off your rear by wearing a g-string. This looks painful, not attractive, and dare I say ‘you are behind the times’?
People who go to the beach and then decide to avoid seafood altogether, instead going to empty calorie fast food restaurants and junk food emporiums. Again, you can do this home. Did it occur to you that locally caught seafood might be good for you once in a blue moon when you are on vacation, and no I don’t mean the over-fried kinds of fish, shrimp, etc. Repent and do better.
This trip to Cherry Grove it was over 100F heat index. Especially if you are fair skinned you needs lots of sun tan lotion. You just do. I saw far too many pink elephants on the beach this year, and I had not been consuming alcohol.
Parents who think it is o.k. to take 4-6 small kids to the miniature golf courses, and then monopolize the course by letting their kids have way too many tries to get a ball in the little hole, on hole after hole on the course, completely oblivious to the fact that there is an ever increasing line of peeved people behind them who would like to get in 18 holes of putt putt in less than 3 hours! And then said parents won’t let others play through to the next hole and get ahead of them. So much for golf etiquette.
Shopping. The purpose of going to the beach is to get AWAY from ‘shop until you drop’ emporiums and have some down time at the beach. Beach, you see is kind of like heaven, there are no malls and no shopping there! O.K. it’s alright to spend part of a rainy day at the beach at the Tanger Outlet buying some Sketchers or the like, or better, getting Christmas presents for others. But the beach is not for usual shopping expeditions. You’re supposed to be enjoying— wait for it, your downtime with family and THE BEACH.
If you want to avoid expensive meals out at some of the nicer surf and turf restaurants in North Myrtle, then go to Platts Seafood or Boulineaus, and buy some fresh fish or shrimp or scallops, and cook your own. Most of you are staying in condos at the beach that have kitchens. You should use them. Surely someone in your family can cook.
Animals. I don’t have a problem with locals walking your dog on the beach, as long as you scoop the poop. For those of us who jog on the beach in the early mornings, make sure your dog is on a leash most of the time (when he’s not chasing a ball), and make sure you clean up after them, and make sure they are not aggressive with total strangers and especially not with little kids who are vulnerable.
Weather. Thunderstorms are normal at the beach, especially in the late summer. You don’t want to be messing around at the beach in the middle of lightning and thunder, and no— submerging yourself in the ocean during a storm does not protect you. I’ve seen plenty of lightning strikes on the water.
There should be a sign at every beach ‘DON’T DRINK AND DIVE’. People who have had too much to drink try the craziest things imaginable when swimming. I used to be a lifeguard and I have some tales I could tell. If you have consumed enough alcohol to impair your judgment, don’t try: 1) jumping off a pier into the ocean (this happened recently at my beach); 2) swimming out too far where there are not only monster waves but the occasional shark, especially in later summer. 3) don’t try body surfing when you are too impaired to catch a wave properly. You will be thrown to the bottom and get scraped up. Do not become a beached whale, or the subject of someone’s derisive Tik Tok video.

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