Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Catholic
Relationships and Religion
Is Forgiveness Unfair? Why Gratitude May Be the Key

Is Forgiveness Unfair? Why Gratitude May Be the Key

Last updated on: September 23, 2026 at 8:38 am by Jocelyn Soriano

Is Forgiveness Unfair? Why Gratitude May Be the Key 2026-09-17T09:41:04+08:00 Jocelyn Soriano

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

AI-Generated Image from ChatGPT

Have you ever felt as though forgiving someone is unfair? After all you’ve been through, should you just let it go? What about that voice telling you that you didn’t deserve what happened?

Forgiveness sometimes feels like that. There are days when the pain comes back and you feel as though you’re starting over again. There are also times when it would take all the effort you could muster to surrender it all to God.

What Does The Bible Say About Forgiveness?

The Bible is clear that forgiveness is necessary.

When Peter asked Jesus whether we should forgive seven times, He replied that we should forgive seventy-seven times (Matthew 18:22). This does not mean that we should literally count how many times we can forgive. What this means is that we must forgive without end.

Jesus also warns us about not forgiving others. In the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:35), Jesus tells His disciples about the consequence of not forgiving others from the heart.

Comparing Our Sins

Despite knowing how important forgiveness is, the process of doing so isn’t easy. It is all the more difficult when forgiving some people feels utterly unfair.

Why should we forgive someone who hurt us so badly? While we are all sinners, should we just accept all the harm done to us?

For some of us, even the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant may not suffice. Why? Because that parable teaches us about someone who did not forgive other people’s lesser debts when he had already been forgiven for his greater debt.

From the way we see it, our sins are nothing compared to what others have done to us.

A Difficult Truth

To overcome this difficulty, some people may suggest that we should look at the true weight of our sins in God’s eyes.

While our sins may be light in our opinion, no one is so sinless that he or she never needed to be saved. Indeed, it is because of our sins that Jesus had to suffer and die.

Like the servant in the parable, our Master has forgiven our greater debt first. A debt we could never repay on our own.

We could also try to examine ourselves deeper because it is a human tendency to overlook our own faults while noticing the offenses against us.

But It’s Still So Unfair!

Thinking about these things could be a start. But at the end of the day, the pain could still remain. Deep within, the issue of unfairness may still be there.

Here’s what we could be saying at the back of our minds:

“I have always tried to do what’s right. I may not be perfect, but I could never do what that person did to me! It just isn’t right.”

Recognizing Your Hurts

Forgiveness doesn’t say that what has been done to us is excusable. It doesn’t mean that we deserved the wrong done to us. And it certainly doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t believe in justice anymore.

On the contrary, the first step to forgiving someone is to recognize that a very wrong thing happened. If there was no sin, there would be no need for forgiveness.

But harm was inflicted. And the hurt was real. God isn’t asking us to deny this. But He is asking us to surrender to Him our pain. He is asking us to let Him take care of justice where it is due.

Setting Ourselves Free

God wants us to forgive because He wants to begin healing us and setting us free.

Without forgiveness, we would only continue living in bitterness and resentment. We may even try to seek revenge and walk down a path we would only regret.

Forgiving someone who hurt us may feel unfair. But isn’t it more unfair for us to continue being hurt? Isn’t it unfair to remain trapped all our lives in an endless cycle of pain?

Why Gratitude May Be The Key

There comes a point when we have done our very best. We have recognized our hurts. We have surrendered everything in prayer. We have examined our own sins. Is there anything else we could do?

The assistance we need may come in the form of gratitude. What we have failed to see by way of examining our sins may become more visible when we count our blessings.

It may be quite painful to look at our every fault. Sometimes, too much of this can even make us fall into scrupulosity.

But if we follow the path of gratitude, we may begin to see how richly God has blessed us.

From the very moment of our conception towards every step we made, God has been there. He provided all our needs, guided us, and protected us from evil.

He listened to the silent prayers of our hearts, carried us through every storm, watched over us even as we slept, and saved us long before we knew we needed saving.

Every good thing that we have is a gift, and no tear from our eyes have ever been unseen.

A Forgiving Heart

We think He asks for much, but compared to what He has given, He is asking so little. And all that He asks is still for our sake. That we may find peace. That we may find healing. That we may possess true happiness, the kind that no one could ever take away.

Forgiveness may feel unfair. And we may find it too difficult to weigh one sin against another. But it is not too difficult to see the goodness of God. It is not too difficult to see His generosity and kindness.

Let us start there. Let us count our blessings and pray that we may have a grateful heart. Because a grateful heart is a joyful heart. And a joyful heart is a forgiving heart.

Jocelyn Soriano is the author of “My Little Book on Forgiveness.”
You may also want to read “When There Is No Apology: Finding Healing in Christ”

General Christian

About Jocelyn Soriano

Jocelyn Soriano is an author, poet, and book reviewer. She is an introvert who enjoys a cup of coffee and listening to the cello ****** while working.

She wrote the books To Love an Invisible God, Defending My Catholic Faith and Mend My Broken Heart. She also wrote books on poetry including Poems of Love and Letting Go and Of Waves and Butterflies: Poems on Grief. She has published more than 15 books and developed her own Android applications including God’s Promises and Catholic Answers and Apologetics.

She writes about relationships and common questions about God and the Catholic faith at Single Catholic Writer. She is currently single and happy and she would like everyone to know how happy we can be by drawing close to the love of God!

Previous Post

September 16, 2026

Why the Quantity of Our Prayers Matters

Next Post

September 30, 2026 When It Is Okay To Judge People

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Christmas Church Issue Divine Mercy End Times Grief Healing Heaven Joy Miracles Movie Review Movies New Age Prayer Questions to God Relationships Single Life Spiritual Growth Technology Virgin Mary Wealth Management

Select a Month October 2026 September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What famous cathedral is in Paris, known for its flying buttresses and rose windows?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Canterbury Notre Dame St. Peter's St. Paul's

Books by This Author Books by Beloved

See All Titles »