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6 Things Christians Shouldn’t Say to People Who Are Grieving

6 Things Christians Shouldn’t Say to People Who Are Grieving

Last updated on: January 29, 2025 at 8:00 am by Jocelyn Soriano

6 Things Christians Shouldn’t Say to People Who Are Grieving 2025-01-29T08:00:00+08:00 Jocelyn Soriano

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What Christians Shouldn’t Say to People Who Are Grieving

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It is a part of our Christian faith to believe in the afterlife. Ours is the victory of the resurrection and Jesus conquering death will always be a part of our most important beliefs. It is in fact, at the very core of our faith.

“For if the dead are not raised, neither has Christ been raised, and if Christ has not been raised, your faith is vain; you are still in your sins. Then those who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished. If for this life only we have hoped in Christ, we are the most pitiable people of all.” – 1 Corinthians 15:16-19 (NABRE)

Professing our belief in the next life is included in the Good News that we preach to the world. We want to let people know that death is not the end.

“We do not want you to be unaware, brothers, about those who have fallen asleep, so that you may not grieve like the rest, who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose, so too will God, through Jesus, bring with him those who have fallen asleep.” – 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 (NABRE)

Our Lord Jesus Christ gave us this hope and we want to share this hope, especially to the ones closest to us.

However, our eagerness to do so should not come to the point of insensitivity or disrespect. Here are some things we should avoid saying to those who have lost their loved ones:

1. It is part of God’s plan

Let us not make it appear as though God Himself intended the very death of their family or friend. While God is certainly in control of everything, we should not proceed in proclaiming this fact as though God is the one directly responsible for their grief.

God may have allowed death to exist in this fallen world, but He was not the one who made it.

“Because God did not make death,
nor does he rejoice in the destruction of the living.
For he fashioned all things that they might have being…”
– Wisdom 1:13-14 (NABRE)

2. God needed your loved one in heaven

Here is a reason that was meant by some Christians as a word of consolation. It may have meant that their loved one continues to live in heaven with God, but the message says something else.

It’s as though God has just abruptly taken someone by causing that person’s death so that He could have him or her in heaven. As a result, God can be seen as someone selfish, causing someone harm just for His own benefit.

3. At least you still have another child/family

This is a big offense to those who are grieving. Why treat a living child or family member as a mere proxy or replacement for someone who has passed away? Further, no person could ever take the place of another. That is how unique and valuable each human being is.

4. You shouldn’t be sad because there is eternal life

Believing in eternal life doesn’t mean that one should no longer grieve when a loved one dies. Our faith may give us hope, but it doesn’t exempt us from pain.

It is very insensitive to say this to someone in grief! We should be more careful in choosing our words when it comes to consoling those who just lost someone they love.

5. Forgive those who hurt your loved one

This advice is again insensitive and very disrespectful for those who mourn. How could we ever tell someone in grief to immediately turn their attention towards someone who may have caused their loved one’s death?

We do believe in the value of forgiveness, but this should not be the first thing we tell those who grieve.

6. Your loved one is now an angel in heaven

This last statement isn’t only insensitive. It is simply wrong.

People who die, no matter how good they were don’t become angels.

Let us choose our words wisely. Good people don’t become angels. They can, however, become saints in heaven. Yet even this is not a word that can immediately console those who are grieving.

The Comfort We Can Give

Before we say anything, let us pray to God that He may guide us in everything we say and do.

Let us also remember that the best consolation we can often give is just to be there for the grieving person and assure them that they are not alone.

Before sharing your hope about the afterlife, share the sorrows of those who have just lost their loved ones. Acknowledge their grief and believe for them. Pray that they may find consolation in God’s compassion and love.

You may also want to read “3 Reasons Why Our Relationships Don’t End in Death”.

Jocelyn Soriano writes regularly on Patheos under the column “Beloved”. She also writes about relationships and the Catholic faith at Single Catholic Writer. She wrote the books In Your Hour of Grief and Of Waves and Butterflies: Poems on Grief.

General Christian

About Jocelyn Soriano

Jocelyn Soriano is an author, poet, and book reviewer. She is an introvert who enjoys a cup of coffee and listening to the cello ****** while working.

She wrote the books To Love an Invisible God, Defending My Catholic Faith and Mend My Broken Heart. She also wrote books on poetry including Poems of Love and Letting Go and Of Waves and Butterflies: Poems on Grief. She has published more than 15 books and developed her own Android applications including God’s Promises and Catholic Answers and Apologetics.

She writes about relationships and common questions about God and the Catholic faith at Single Catholic Writer. She is currently single and happy and she would like everyone to know how happy we can be by drawing close to the love of God!

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