The Whining

Last updated on: February 22, 2015 at 1:27 pm by Calah Alexander

The Whining 2015-02-22T13:27:08-05:00 Calah Alexander

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

My family is sick. Between the hacking and the moaning — and that blond lady rocking back and forth in a corner — our house has doubled as a sanatorium for over a week.

It’s terrible. If we were slightly sicker, I’d swear it was the flu, but I actually think it’s just a particularly nasty cold and we all have crap immune systems. Nevertheless, much like an undertow, the second I think we’ve turned a corner it pulls us back down again.

The worst part is that it seems to follow no discernible pattern. The Ogre got it first, and it started in his back. He didn’t feel sick, just thought he had tweaked a muscle at first. A day later, he was wondering if he’d thrown his back out, and I was convinced he was having a heart attack. But then the pain disappeared and the coughing began, followed by a day-long fever and a solid week of congestion.

Sienna went down next. The Ogre felt a little better on Fat Tuesday, so I jovially — and oh, so naively — made a King Cake to celebrate. We shared it with our neighbors, and everyone was happy — until the morning. Sienna, our force of nature, the child who is felled by neither illness nor injury, asked to stay home from school.

And she did. For the rest of the week she huddled on the couch, mainlining Flash and Doctor Who in a heap of blankets and misery. I got the cough on Thursday, but mine seemed mild. The boys remained unaffected, and despite a few sniffles, so did Charlotte. I began to hope, and then believe, that Sienna’s slow improvement heralded an end to this hitherto unremarkable illness.

Yesterday morning we were all stir-crazy. We’d been cooped up in the house for most of a week, and Sienna, still coughing but much improved, was on the verge of tunneling under the house just to escape it. So we went out to the Blues, Brews and BBQ festival in town, delighted with the fresh air, pulled pork, and sunshine.

The plan was to hang out at the festival for a while and then go to 5 pm Mass. We listened to music, the kids ran wild around the green, we ate barbeque and zeppole, and then we headed to Mass. As soon as we had stepped into the narthex and crossed ourselves, I collapsed into the nearest chair.

The Ogre looked at me and raised his eyebrows, since we usually sit in a pew in the actual church. I just shook my head weakly and said, “we better come back tomorrow.”

I actually had trouble getting to my feet. I felt like someone had slammed me between the shoulders with a baseball bat. I could hardly breathe, and gravity seemed to have a renewed purchase on my legs.

We finally got home — after an ill-advised trip to Publix where I yelled at the children, struggled to breathe, and generally scandalized the neighbors — and I collapsed. Since no one felt sorry enough for me to spoon-feed me the rest of our Ash Wednesday soup, I grudgingly did it myself. Then, in a total dereliction of duty, I fell asleep on the couch at 7:00 pm.

The Ogre did all the cleaning and pajamas and teeth-brushing and bedtimes, then woke me up with strict instructions to brush my teeth and drink some theraflu. Which I did, before going right back to sleep.

The theraflu was a wee bit too effective, because I finally woke up around 9:30. God bless my 9 year old, who heated up leftover French toast for her siblings and remembered to wipe Tank’s hands before letting them watch a movie on the couch. When I finally stumbled into the sitting room and threw myself down on the couch, Liam immediately curled up in my lap and looked up at me.

The child’s eyes were literally oozing. It was the most appalling thing I’ve seen in at least 3 days. It was like the virus had concentrated itself in his eyes and replicated with abandon, filling his sad blue eyes with green gunk and grossness. Then he started coughing, and I started coughing, and Sienna started coughing, and I began to have visions of us all languishing on the couch for weeks to come, coughing and coughing and coughing, totally isolated from the outside world until one day, when we had long-since stopped coughing but had gone mad from months of perpetual isolation, Charlotte and Liam stopped sleeping or eating and just stood in the hallway chanting, “come play with us, Mommy,” the Ogre built a wet bar out of the furniture and spent his days shaking martinis that no one drank, while I rocked back and forth in a corner, reading the writing on the walls

all Netflix and no play makes Sienna a dull girl all Netflix and no play makes Sienna a dull girl all Netflix and no play makes Sienna a dull girl all Netflix and no play makes Sienna a dull girl all Netflix and no play makes Sienna a dull girl all Netflix and no play makes Sienna a dull girl all Netflix and no play makes Sienna a dull girl all Netflix and no play makes Sienna a dull girl all Netflix and no play makes Sienna a dull girl all Netflix and no play makes Sienna a dull girl all Netflix and no play makes Sienna a dull girl all Netflix and no play makes Sienna a dull girl all Netflix and no play makes Sienna a dull girl all Netflix and no play makes Sienna a dull girl all Netflix and no play makes Sienna a dull girl

and finally, Lincoln took an axe to the front door and chopped out a space large enough for his face, which he stuck into the Florida sunshine and screamed, “I GO, MOMMY!”

At this point, I decided I should probably take my temperature, but my computer was closer than the thermometer.

photo credit: by Zarateman (Own work), via Wikimedia Commons

Uncategorized

Previous Post

February 18, 2015

O Holy

Next Post

February 24, 2015 A Better Pain/Evil Scale

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Uncategorized

Select a Month September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 April 2016 March 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz