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Barefoot and Pregnant

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7 Quick Takes Friday!

7 Quick Takes Friday!

Last updated on: March 9, 2017 at 5:13 pm by Calah Alexander

7 Quick Takes Friday! 2017-03-09T17:13:16-05:00 Calah Alexander

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Okay, so I haven’t been posting because I literally cannot think of anything to write about except how miserable I am in this last trimester. And I didn’t want to inflict that on you, since it’s already being inflicted on my husband, my children, my friends, my neighbors, and the check-out clerks at Trader Joe’s.

Remember how I’m not great at suffering? Yeah. That’s still extremely true.

(In my meager defense, let me just say that for the first time ever I’ve had a third-trimester return of the first-trimester nausea and vomiting. Yeah. Kill me.)

But I think I can get through these quick takes without complaining. I think.

Sienna starts school on Monday, so last night the Ogre and I went to this parent meeting thing at the school.

It wasn’t that the meeting was unpleasant, it’s just that they handed out sheets of paper and then went through all the points on the paper out loud. I couldn’t help but think, “I’m paying a babysitter right now to listen to you read to me what I can read myself. Couldn’t we have covered this in an email?”

I really do understand that there needs to be a time for parents to ask questions, meet the administration and teachers, and all that jazz. But you know what would make that time go much more smoothly?

Shots. Shots for everyone.

Seriously. If they greeted us with tequila and limes, I bet you fifty million dollars that not one parent would walk out of that meeting and think, “well that was 2 hours wasted.” Nope. They’d be like, “Dude! We got free shots! Best. School. Ever.”

Amen, sister. Just because we still use the words “dude” “awesome” and “like” doesn’t mean we’re not, like, capable adults or whatever.

I told the Ogre my brilliant idea about the shots 2.5 minutes before I glanced around the gym full of parents, kids, and high schoolers and realized that I’m still closer in age to the high school seniors than I am to most of the parents.

Then I wondered aloud if maybe it’s just my youth and immaturity that makes me not fully appreciate these sorts of administrative gatherings. The Ogre said, “It’s possible.”

Then I said, “At least I didn’t suggest kegstands. Because that’s really the way to go if you want to break the ice.”

I know, I’m immature. But think about it! A whole room full of parents doing kegstands! We’d all be way better friends after that, and probably much more receptive to the idea of doing volunteer hours.

Speaking of my maturity level, isn’t that the most awesome onesie ever? I really want one for Lincoln.

Sometimes I think that someone should give a class to adults on how to use subterfuge when giving someone the stink-eye. Because here’s the thing: if you’re trying to subtly glare at someone or even just give them the wary once-over, it’s best not to turn your head 180 degrees around to accomplish it.

If the person you’re trying to glare at is seated directly behind you, happily imagining everyone in the room doing kegstands, you could probably angle your body sideways and pretend to be looking at/talking to the person seated next to you. Then, if you happened to glance over your right shoulder, it wouldn’t be a big deal when the object of your visual wrath happened to catch your eye. You could just blow it off, like, “I was just looking around at the bare walls of the gymnasium which are visually captivating to me” and it wouldn’t be a big deal.

But if you keep your body firmly facing forward and pull a full-on Linda Blair, it’s completely impossible to shrug off that awkward moment of eye contact as accidental. It’s a stink-eye fail. This is basic high school social skills, people. Let’s remember these lessons to avoid awkward eye-contact in future parent-teacher meetings, shall we?

I know what you’re thinking.

Right? School hasn’t even started and I’ve already come up with two totally practical contributions I can make to the parent-teacher/parent-parent dynamic: shots and lessons in social subterfuge.

I’m a gem.

All joking aside, though, look how excited this kid is to start school! That smile is totally worth all the lengthy and potentially awkward parent-teacher meetings in the year to come. She’s a little nervous too, but mostly excited. She asks every morning if she can wear her school uniform. It’s adorable. I’m really hoping that this year goes well for her, that she gets along with her teacher, that she’s not behind her class due to my abysmal homeschooling non-skills…we’ll see.

I guess I’m a little nervous too.

And on that note, I’m leaving you with the song I keep listening to over and over in an effort to remind myself to choose to be happy instead of wallowing in my beached-whale-esque misery. Also, it reminds me of college, which always makes me happy. Enjoy, happy weekend, and go see Jen for more quick takes!

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