3 1/2 Time-Outs Tuesday

Last updated on: March 9, 2017 at 5:15 pm by Calah Alexander

3 1/2 Time-Outs Tuesday 2017-03-09T17:15:58-05:00 Calah Alexander

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So I have set a goal for this post-Easter week, and it’s a terrible, terrible goal that I want neither to set nor meet, but unfortunately I must do both for the good of my family, and it’s making me cranky.

I am going to set a schedule…not just a daily schedule, although that’s part of it, but a rough outline of a schedule for every day of the week. And then next week I’ll have to start following it, which is really going to be the miserable part because it will require hideous new developments like carefully timed internet usage times.

Shoot me now.

Since I became a mother, my general goal in life has been to survive the day without yelling and/or running away. I’ve probably been about 22% successful at this, and it occurs to me now, six years later, that perhaps having an actual plan in place for the day and week instead of flying by the seat of my pants might help bring order to our house.

That’s a lie. It occurred to me that a schedule would help six years ago and I’ve spent six years studiously ignoring the mounting chaos. I despise schedules. I hate schedules. Schedules make me feel stifled. They kill my spirit. But most importantly, with a schedule in place I won’t be able to find important things on the internet, like this. And this. Oh, and this!

To help me figure out the best way to organize my time and our daily and weekly routines, I’ve spent the last week reading this book. I’ve come to several very important conclusions.

1) If anyone ever calls me a helpmeet again, I will punch them in the face.

2) Using Scripture to point out how much shame I will bring upon my husband if I don’t get off the internet and get my act together is not an effective way to motivate me; it is, however, an effective way to ensure that my husband will return home to a head-spinning wife who is rendered mostly incoherent due to the stream of profanities that keep pouring from her non-help-meet-ey lips.

3) I do not agree that our family’s daily, weekly and yearly schedule and/or activities should all be planned around my husband’s interests and desires because “I am his helpmeet; he is not mine.” In fact, when I read that all the blood vessels in my eyes promptly burst and I began a three-hour internal monologue about “the Patriarchy” which ended with me forcing myself to go read Jezebel to clear my head and remind me of where that monologue ends, if left unchecked.

4) People who use the phrase “tomato-staked” freak me out and make me think of the Pearls. Tying a child to myself as punishment for continual disobedience is not a punishment for them; it’s a punishment for me. Also, who does that?

5) The author of this book has some really good ideas for organizing and managing a home, which I am going to employ (albeit grudgingly).

6) I obviously have a long way to go before I achieve that whole “meek and humble spirit” thing.

3 1/2

I will not, however, upon pain of death, get dressed in nice clothes before spending a day homeschooling and cleaning. Not now, not ever. Neither will I spend ten minutes “freshening up” before my husband’s return from work so that he can come home to “a picture of loveliness.”

Yoga pants or die, yo.

Go read the rest of the 3 1/2 Time-Outs Tuesday links at Acts of the Apostasy, and thanks to Larry D for hosting!

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