Your Handy Guide To Misusing Mars In Gemini

Last updated on: May 10, 2017 at 8:34 am by Matthew Currie

Your Handy Guide To Misusing Mars In Gemini 2017-05-10T08:34:40-07:00 Matthew Currie

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Mars is now in Gemini, and will be there until June 4th. Mars rules sex and violence (think of it as “The HBO Planet”). Gemini has a reputation for expressing ideas… usually in the form of talking. Put these two concepts together and you can see how this could be a time when the wrong word could get you in a lot of trouble. And no, Mercury Retrograde is not going to help that risk at all.

Ever had to make a Customer Service Call and gotten really infuriated with whoever was on the other end of that call, because they were an idiot, or treated you like an idiot? Odds are, you probably have. Now: have you ever had to work at a Customer Service job? If so, you know that there are a lot of infuriating idiots out there… because you got to talk to at least one of them every day. Either way, Mars aspects can be energizing and positive and get you great results. Or, depending on the aspect and the other planet involved, it can turn out like being on hold for 20 minutes before you get disconnected in the middle of the hold music’s fifth loop.

Here are some of the Customer Service calls that Mars will be making before it enters Cancer. It’s up to you as to which side of the conversation you’re on.

April 23-26: Mars square Nodes – disruption to long-standing personal connections.
“Hello? Yes, I’ve been on hold for ages now and I don’t think you should be treating a loyal customer like this. If you won’t put me through to your supervisor, I’m going to be taking my business elsewhere. That’s right Edna — I’m talking about a divorce.”

May 7-16: Mars square Neptune and Mars trine Jupiter – boundless enthusiasm, pointed in the wrong direction.
“I can’t thank you enough for your wonderful product! Ever since Fluffy started eating your brand, his urinary tract problems have cleared up and his fur looks healthier! I really — oh. Sorry about that. Anyway, the cat is doing much better. I’d like to order a large pepperoni pizza, extra cheese…”

May 15-23: Mars quincunx Pluto – misdirected aggression.
“You people ripped me off! Six hundred bucks for a new TV, two hours before the season finale of NCIS, and this damned piece of junk doesn’t work at all! I should report you to… let me look… no… well the damned instructions didn’t say ‘plug it in’ anywhere — oh. Well, why didn’t you make the print larger?”

May 25 – June 3: Mars opposite Saturn, Mars sextile Uranus – the energy to drive over those human speed bumps in your way.
“Yeah, you’ve got to send someone around to pick up the trash, right now! It’s starting to attract raccoons, and they’re starting to dig up my flower garden. Now are you going to send someone around today, or do I have to… no it’s not a ‘police, fire, ambulance” thing. But I’m a taxpayer! You hear me! A taxpayer! Send the Fire Department around to burn this stuff, then.”

May 30 – June 6th: Mars square Chiron – digging up the dirt in your psyche
“This utility bill is not only too high, it’s ridiculously complex! ‘Transmission fee’? ‘Adjusted carbon credit’? Trying to understand this is like being back in Algebra class. I sat behind Velma McCormack that entire semester, and if she had just helped me out… but nooooo, she always wanted to tutor everyone but me! Oh God, I’m so alone! No one will ever truly love me! And what’s this about an ‘adjusted usage estimate’?

Jun 4, 2017: Mars enters Cancer
“Not once during this entire conversation have you given me anything like real help or offered a refund! You’ve given me nothing but attitude this entire time, and frankly you are terrible at this. Yes, Mom, I love you. See you Thursday…”

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