Great astrology, with jokes

Last updated on: September 13, 2007 at 10:55 pm by Lynn Hayes

Great astrology, with jokes 2007-09-13T22:55:00-04:00 Lynn Hayes

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Elsa and Neith have both posted on Matthew the Astrologer’s blog which I just found today. It is really hilarious! Here’s his take on astrological excuses for bad behavior during the excuse the eclipse:

ARIES: “Nothing was happening, so I made it happen. Don’t blame me because the barbecue wasn’t starting fast enough. Besides, your eyebrows will grow back eventually… “

TAURUS: “Yes, sweetie, I know that was the money for our power bill, but I needed that fur-covered vibrating seat cover! And it was on sale! Half price!”

GEMINI: “I know I said I wasn’t going to do that, but that was yesterday. Okay, okay, it was today. But I had to. Now I don’t. Sorry about that. Mind if I do it again?”

CANCER: “You were mean to me, so you were asking for it. You’re an insensitive jerk. I’m only an insensitive jerk because I have to be. You started it!”

LEO: “Look, I know I have certain responsibilities. I’m an adult. So if I decide I want to spend the rent money on a pony, I deserve it. Now, feed Mr. Nibbles for me, won’t you?”

VIRGO: “Don’t complain about the job I did. It’s not as if you were washing the car properly anyway, so I re-did it for you. At least it’s clean now. Besides, you always wanted a convertible, right…?”

LIBRA: “But I thought that’s how you wanted it! I only did it for you! Now sit down and stop complaining. Prove your love for me, and eat that raw pork sashimi I made for you before I cry.”

SCORPIO: “Hey, you were the one complaining about the neighbor’s dog barking all the damned time, so I took care of it. You should be thanking me. Now go get me a shovel before this thing starts to stink.”

SAGITTARIUS: “It’s the truth! And you did ask for my opinion. That dress does make your ass look fat… but I love your fat ass, babe!”

CAPRICORN: (long, icy silence) “Hmph. Like you could have done better.”

AQUARIUS: “Yes. Our wedding day should have been the most special occasion of our lives. And it was. Me inviting my friends from the outpatient clinic made it even more special. Besides, it would have been bad luck to get married without my tinfoil hat, and I left mine at home. If Zoolak hadn’t loaned me his, the marriage would have been doomed.”

PISCES: “I don’t see what the problem is. It’s not like anyone was hurt. That’s the important thing. The cat needed a haircut. And isn’t Mrs. Mittens just adorable with her little Mohawk?”

Pay him a visit – maybe then he’ll give me a link!

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