From the advice column: Where is this relationship going?

Last updated on: September 28, 2007 at 11:19 am by Lynn Hayes

From the advice column: Where is this relationship going? 2007-09-28T11:19:00-04:00 Lynn Hayes

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Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and a half. We were supposed to move together at his place in June, but we had to call it off. My boyfriend’s mother went crazy about it, planting seeds of doubt in his mind that was already having existential concerns. Now, four months later, he’s asking me for some time on his own, saying that even though he now knows he does have feelings for me, he feels better alone at the moment.

I have validated with him that it wasn’t about me, but I wonder now what to do… This relationship is probably the best one I’ve ever had and I truly gave it serious thought since he asked me to move with him a year ago in order to be sincere in my commitment. But now, I feel fooled and even though I deeply love this person, I now have doubts of my own regarding the strength of the relationship, his sincerity and the whole “where-is-it-going” dilemma. I am afraid that by loving enough to wait, I will be crushed harder…

A:
Let’s first look at J’s chart. As a Virgo, he is a cautious individual by nature and not prone to making hasty decisions. Venus, planet of relationship, in his chart is in Libra, the sign of partnership, so we can see that he is very relationship-oriented. Venus in Libra also tells us though that he seeks harmony and balance in his life, and is very sensitive to conflict. His Moon is in Cancer, the sign of family and emotional sensitivity, and it falls in the twelfth house of the subconscious. He is extremely sensitive to the nuances of what is going on around him and as a result he feels very vulnerable when things are out of whack with the people around him.

Uranus in his chart is exactly square to his Moon which shows a conflict in his nature between the need for nurturing and family (Moon in Cancer) and the need for autonomy and liberation (Uranus). This placement also sometimes shows a mother (Moon) who is unpredictable by nature (Uranus). The Virgo Sun and his Taurus Mars does not like unpredictability, and as long as the relationship goes along without issues he is content, but when the ocean gets rough and the boat starts rocking he becomes very uncomfortable. In addition, his Libra Venus is conjunct Pluto, the planet of death and rebirth. This is an intense placement and shows someone for whom relationships can be very intense. This can be a frightening thing and there can be a fear of rejection, or else a fear of a deep intimate bond. With his Cancer Moon in the twelfth house he bonds easily and enjoys feeling merged with his lover, but I suspect that when things get too close for him he feels he has to pull back to regain his center.

Your chart shows that despite your Aquarian Sun, which can be rather detached and rational rather than emotional, your Moon and Venus are both in Pisces. You are very comfortable connecting deeply in a soul partnership where the two of you experiencing a real merging at the core of your being. Your Sun is in the seventh house of partnerships, and you shine when you are in a relationship and feel at a loss when you are on your own. Cancer is rising in your chart, and taking care of loved ones is the way that you express yourself and without that you are floundering a bit.

You didn’t mention why you had to call off your moving in together, but it is interesting to me that in June when this occurred transiting Uranus was exactly conjunct your Venus, making what we call a “station” before it retrograded on the 23rd. When a planet makes a station its motion has virtually stopped and its influence is more powerful when it is in aspect to one of the planets in our birthchart. Uranus transits make us feel restless and rebellious, and during those times we need a tremendous amount of freedom and liberation. I suspect that you were the one who needed some space at that time, but because J felt destabilized as a result and needs some time to regain his footing.

This Uranus transit for you has only just begun. The second phase of the cycle will hit in late February and early March and the final phase will occur in November and December of this year. That will be another powerful time like the June and July period. So this is really a good time for you to have some alone time as well as J. It’s very important that we be able to give the people that we love enough space to be able to process their feelings, and because of J’s sensitivity to those around him he does need to get away to be able to understand how he feels.

You might want to give yourself a certain amount of time to see how things go, perhaps through the end of the year. If the relationship is on solid footing you will find yourselves reconnecting, and if the two of you grow farther and farther apart during this time you will know that there was not enough in the relationship to hold you together. In the meantime, the planetary cycles coming up for you show a period of change and expansion and this is a fortunate time for you to take advantage of that!

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