From the advice column: My daughter is wearing me out!

Last updated on: December 13, 2007 at 12:31 pm by Lynn Hayes

From the advice column: My daughter is wearing me out! 2007-12-13T12:31:00-05:00 Lynn Hayes

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One of the more interesting applications of astrology is to identify the underlying nature of our relationships. People ask: Why does my husband think I’m critical of him? Why am I always angry around my co-worker? Usually the conflict is shown in a comparison of the birthcharts, the art of synastry.

One reader wrote, “Dealing with my emotional 16-year old daughter sucks the life out of me.” Here’s what the charts showed:

“Your daughter has an interesting chart. She has four planets in a VERY tight conjunction, all in Leo – Jupiter, Sun, Mercury and Venus, all within five degrees. Leo is the sign where the Self is celebrated, and there is a great need for recognition and admiration. The conjunction of Jupiter to the Sun, Leo’s ruler, indicates that this need is enhanced even more by the confidence and expansive qualities of Jupiter. She has a tremendous amount of future potential since all of these planets fall in the tenth house, but in the meantime I’m not surprised that there is so much drama in the house! She is generous and has a huge heart, but she can also be stubborn and bossy.

This Leo need for drama is complicated by her Scorpio ascendant. Where Leo is outgoing and seeks to influence the outer world, Scorpio is withdrawn and secretive. The Scorpio influence intensifies her emotions and makes it more difficult for her to express herself openly. This inhibition of her self-expression is exacerbated by the five retrograde planets in her chart: Mercury retrograde makes it more difficult for her to communicate verbally and feel that she has been heard. Venus retrograde makes her more shy and less able to relate directly with others. Saturn retrograde shows that she is very critical of herself. Uranus and Neptune retrograde are not as significant on a personal level except that they increase the tendency to operate in a more inner-directed fashion which makes it more difficult for her to express that Leo desire to shine and be noticed. This could be frustrating for her and lead to even more drama.

The two of you have good synastry (relationship between your charts) overall, except for some difficult aspects from your chart to her Mars, the planet of boundaries and drive. Most notably the Saturn/Chiron conjunction is in an exact opposition to her Mars, indicating that she feels she is blocked (Saturn) and affected in a deep and possibly painful way (Chiron) by you. At the same time the Uranus/Pluto conjunction in your chart conjuncts her Mars which can be both stimulating and overwhelming at the same time. She is inspired by you but also frustrated and she may feel disempowered.

Knowing the dynamics that are underlying her reactions may help you to see how through no fault of your own you set off the conflicts that lie within her chart. We select our families carefully in order to learn how to resolve these inner conflicts and gain greater wisdom, but that doesn’t make family dynamics any easier! Engaging in sports, acting, theater, or other creative pursuits where she can express herself in a competitive environment will help her to channel some of this energy in a more positive way. With Mars in Virgo she might also enjoy pottery or some other craft.”

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