From the advice column: I want to get married!

Last updated on: August 8, 2007 at 11:51 am by Lynn Hayes

From the advice column: I want to get married! 2007-08-08T11:51:00-04:00 Lynn Hayes

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Q: I want to get married. I have had three proposals and never crossed over to the I do. I go from having a committed relationship lasting years to a complete melt down without an explanation. Why has this heart felt desire so eluded me all these years? However, when I was twenty four given an astrology reading that this would be the year if I did not marry early to meet and marry my husband. However, year is almost gone and no one exciting has crossed my path.

A: Your note reveals our lack of ability to accurately predict the future. Often before we can be in a truly successful relationship there is work that we need to do in order to integrate the various aspects of our personality that each need something different. I’m sure you already know from the subject line that with Pluto in the Seventh House and opposite Venus there are issues connecting love and fear that need to be integrated before a relationship will be successful. But it CAN be done!

Your Capricorn Sun falls in your first house of personal identity along with Venus and Mars in Aquarius and Jupiter in Pisces. Capricorn is on the ascendant, reinforcing the strong sense of responsibility and achievement of your Capricorn Sun which is actually within 30 minutes of Aquarius and therefore takes on some of those attributes as well. Planets that are at the end of one sign bleed into the next, but because adjoining signs are so different (we call them “inconjunct”) there is often difficulty incorporating the aspects of both signs into one person. You need both the Capricorn and the Aquarian experiences: both the structured climb to success and achievement AND the space to create your own uniquely original lifestyle.

Aquarius is “intercepted” in the first house (with Capricorn on the ascendant, or cusp of the first house, and Pisces on the cusp of the second) which suggests that the Aquarius influence tends to operate on a more subconscious level. So consciously you are goal oriented, disciplined, ready to sacrifice everything for the sake of your objective; but hidden within is the rebel that is yearning to be free.

Venus in Aquarius suggests that this need for freedom and autonomy that is expressed by Aquarius may be experienced through your partners. You are the one who needs to get away and have more space, but you are afraid of abandonment (Venus opposite Pluto) so it is easier to instigate situations where the other person is the one who leaves. The Venus/Pluto combination creates an intensity and passion of experience that can be uncomfortable for the Aquarian Venus, but ideally you need to have periods of both. Time together in complete intensity of emotion, and periods of space where you go back to being an individual.

Your Moon is on the cusp of Gemini and Cancer, showing again the need for both the Gemini experience of communication and variety AND the nurturing mothering of Cancer. The Moon in your chart conjuncts Uranus (ruler of your Aquarius planets) which indicates first that your own experience of being nurtured and feeling safe as a child was somewhat erratic, and also that as an adult you need periods where you are able to operate totally autonomously and without restriction.

All of this is being exacerbated right now by a conjunction of Chiron (wounding and healing) to Venus in your chart which is setting off this push/pull dynamic. This cycle began in April and Chiron turned retrograde on the exact degree of your Venus, so you continued to experience this through June of this year. Chiron transits to Venus open up old wounds around our ability to feel loved and to love others, but while this is a painful process it is also a beautiful one because in allowing ourselves to release the energy around theese painful places we become healed. But to do so we have to walk into the fire of our pain and allow it to dissolve around us.

As a Capricorn with Capricorn rising, you are up to the challenge! The final phase of the cycle will return in early 2008. Transiting Saturn of course also ran over the Pluto/Venus opposition in 2006 and 2007 which also created disappointment and obstacles. But amidst these difficult cycles you also have some very positive ones involving Jupiter and Saturn which will facilitate your ability to process your understanding and offer opportunities for change.

In order to be in a successful relationship it’s important to understand the underlying dynamics of your personality needs. You need the intensity of a love match but you also need space and independence. That is the primary conflict in your chart and it is important that both of those needs be fed. If there is too much closeness you will feel oppressed – too little and you will feel abandoned. Allow yourself to experience deeply emotions that come up in your relationships rather than react to them, this will be helpful as well.

I recommend that for now you let go of the goal to get married, and instead approach the dating scene as a fun experiment. If the interesting candidates fail to materialize, trust that they were not right for you. Cultivate a firm intention that when you are ready the perfect person will appear and know that you will have several practice relationships before that right person comes along. You want the RIGHT relationship now, so take your time and don’t rush.

I am still working on getting the advice column posted to my website. Hopefully over the next few days!

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