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When a Bad Dating Experience Makes You Want to Give Up

When a Bad Dating Experience Makes You Want to Give Up

Last updated on: October 29, 2026 at 1:00 pm by Shaunti Feldhahn

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When a Bad Dating Experience Makes You Want to Give Up 2026-10-29T12:12:20-04:00 Shaunti Feldhahn

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What if one of the biggest obstacles to finding a good relationship is the memory of a bad one?

That’s something I’ve been thinking about recently after looking at some fascinating research on today’s dating world. Perhaps not surprisingly, a lot of single people who genuinely want to find someone are holding back because they’re worried about getting hurt again.

A few months back, looking at the data, my husband Jeff and I ended up doing a podcast episode about this because we realized that this understandable reaction might be contributing to something much bigger.

How past disappointments are keeping people from trying again.

In a 2026 Institute for Family Studies report called The Dating Recession, 55% of the single people surveyed said that bad dates or breakups made them more reluctant to pursue new relationships. And get this: Only 28% said they were able to stay positive after a romantic setback!

That’s a lot of people who want a meaningful relationship but are hesitant to put themselves out there again. We hear this all the time in our interviews and focus groups with young adults about the challenges of dating today.

As one man told us, during a focus group of singles in their twenties and early thirties, “When you’ve had one or two rejections, it can be easy to get in your head about it. After all, years ago, you only had to compete with the other 500 guys in your school. But now, because everything is so digital, it feels like you’re competing with four billion other guys! And if you’re not a 9 or a 10, you know you’re not going to be able to compete, so it’s safer to just check out.”

It’s worth pointing out that the guy who said that was someone who other young women in the focus group viewed as handsome, athletic, and a good guy. It would not have surprised me if they had thought he was a “9 or 10!” But he didn’t view himself that way.

How problems with dating don’t necessarily mean that you are the problem

Something else happened related to that focus group that I found interesting. Not long afterward, one of the women set up one of the men on a blind date with a friend. Both people were appealing, well-educated, and shared a strong Christian faith. And yet when I heard about the date later, it was just…meh. Which brings up something else Jeff and I talked about in our podcast episode on this topic: how easy it is to take rejection personally. But a disappointing date or relationship doesn’t necessarily mean you did something wrong. Two perfectly wonderful people can simply not be right for each other! However, when we view new opportunities through the lens of past disappointments, we may expect rejection before giving someone a chance.

Of course, that doesn’t mean rushing into another relationship when you need time to heal. But there’s a difference between taking time to recover and allowing fear to keep you from something you genuinely want.

Jeff and I unpacked this and other fascinating findings in Part 2 of our I Wish You Could Hear This podcast conversation about the dating recession. We also discussed dating apps, financial pressures, and what might actually help single people navigate these challenges.

One thing we’re increasingly convinced of is that dating skills can be learned! And that’s encouraging news for anyone who wants a meaningful relationship but isn’t quite sure how to get there.

You can check out the full conversation below!

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October 21, 2026

The Dating Recession: Why 70% of Singles Aren't Dating

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