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Fatherhood: Dave Barnes Ponders the Laboratory Called Home

Fatherhood: Dave Barnes Ponders the Laboratory Called Home

Last updated on: June 13, 2025 at 5:55 pm by Shaunti Feldhahn

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Fatherhood: Dave Barnes Ponders the Laboratory Called Home 2025-06-13T17:55:58-04:00 Shaunti Feldhahn

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Experimentation – The home is the controlled environment where kids learn to manipulate variables, collect data, and observe outcomes. In other words: What works? What makes my brother mad? What gets me what I want? What happens when I yell at Mom? What does it look like to say something nice to Dad?

Testing hypotheses – At home, kids can test predictions and theories. I bet Mom won’t care if I do this. Or, I don’t think my brother will mind if I use his toys. And, obviously, I wonder if I can get away with this? etc.

Hands-on learning – What better place than home for children to learn through practical experience. They can learn the value of hard work by taking over the lawn work (hint, hint dads—use the Father’s Day card this weekend!) Where else can they learn consequences (If I’m not ready on time, I miss my bus) when the stakes are low?

Developing scientific skills – The home “lab” is where kids observe, measure, analyze data and try experimental techniques. In other words, this is where they learn to understand the world. They ask questions (so. many. questions.) They learn (sometimes under duress) to cooperate. They learn in a safe place that they can fail and recover, fail again and recover.

Critical thinking – Within your home’s four walls—the one place where kids can get things wrong, change their minds, or grow without social ridicule—kids learn to think critically and draw conclusions. Maybe my assumption that my brother is a jerk wasn’t right after all. Maybe Mom really is on my side. Next time my sister is having a rough morning, I’ll remind her she looks nice. She liked that.

Preparation for the future – The skills and knowledge children gain in their wonderfully weird home labs prepare them for future school experiences, jobs, life, break-ups, mess-ups, friendships, marriage, and ultimately their own parenting journeys—where they get to watch their own Genghis Khan-kids throw tantrums, say sorrys, and eventually become … human.

It’s pretty helpful to think of home as a lab, isn’t it? Beakers (or windows) might break. Tempers may flare like hot chemicals over butane burners. But at the end of the day, home is the lab. It’s where our kids are figuring out how to be themselves. What a privilege to help them.

As parents, home is where we want to let our guard down. Let’s create that kind of lab for our kids, too. Dads, you can do this! Let them fail. Correct them without crushing them. The lab is a gift! A place where we can discipline and encourage our kids—ultimately helping them grow in the right direction.

None of this behind-the-scenes stuff will go viral. And dads, most of it will probably happen when your hair is messed-up or you’re wearing sweatshirts. But if your kids feel comfortable enough to let it all hang out … if they let their guard down enough to figure things out with you around … take that as the ultimate encouragement that you’re doing a good job.

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