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Fatherhood: Dave Barnes Ponders the Laboratory Called Home

Fatherhood: Dave Barnes Ponders the Laboratory Called Home

Last updated on: June 13, 2025 at 5:55 pm by Shaunti Feldhahn

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Fatherhood: Dave Barnes Ponders the Laboratory Called Home 2025-06-13T17:55:58-04:00 Shaunti Feldhahn

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This week’s Father’s Day guest blog comes to you from singer/songwriter and co-host of the Dadville podcast Dave Barnes. I love his take this week on how home is like a lab (social media loved it too, because the post went viral)! Dave is heartfelt and hilarious, and I hope you’ll check out his music and his podcast. -Shaunti

By Dave Barnes

If I had known I would go viral I would have fixed my hair. Or at least not had on a sweatshirt. But the viral gods care not if you are ready when they decide to shine upon you.

“Dave!” you may be saying, “That’s AMAZING—what song were you playing in the video? A classic like “God Gave Me You”? Or one of your new songs? Or perhaps you were doing one of your weird, ridiculous characters?”

None of the above. The viral gods don’t let you choose content. It was just a little video on parenting that I posted on Instagram on a whim one day. All I did was riff a little bit on how our homes are really just like labs.

You can go find the whole thing, but here is part of what I said:

“When they (your kids) go out in the world and you’re like—wow, what a sweet kid and the teacher speaks so well of them, or they have good friends and people wanna be with them— that’s real life. The house is not real life. That’s the workshop. Remember that and be encouraged by that because it’s gonna be hard—it’s supposed to be hard—but that’s our job to help guide and shape. You’re doing a good job. Keep doing it.”

Here’s the back story. I had just gotten back from school with one of my kids. This specific kid/sometimes-Genghis-Khan child had been so not great at home that morning—a real pain in the rear, in fact. Later that day we headed to school and as we were walking around the school, this child (no specifics on which kid to hopefully save me on their counseling bill later) walked around hugging friends, saying hi to teachers, etc. At one point, a teacher pulled me to the side and commented on just how great this kid was.

Was I confused? Not really, because this child is a wonderful kid. But a great child at home? Not always. I had a revelation that morning: Our kids are the better version of themselves everywhere but at home.

The bad news? They really let their freak flag fly at home.

The good news? They don’t let it fly much anywhere else.

Why is this true? Because home is the lab. It’s where they are figuring out who they are and how to be. And isn’t that—get ready to grimace—true of us too?

Our kids are going to be more impatient, rude, mean, gross, disrespectful at home. Basically, they’re like little pirates. But here’s the thing: Where else can they be that? What setting could possibly be better for them to figure out how to be human. Isn’t that sort of our job as parents? To be guides to these little, wonderful, weird, life-siphoning, smaller, newer versions of us?

Now, this is not saying they don’t need to be held accountable, disciplined, and helped to see the consequences of their actions and words. But there is wisdom in realizing we are the teachers, and our home is the lab.

So, I Googled the purpose of a lab, and this is what Google told me:

“The primary purpose of a lab is to provide a dedicated space for conducting scientific experiments and investigations. Labs facilitate research, measurement, and data analysis, allowing for the exploration of scientific concepts and the development of skills in observation, data collection, and critical thinking.”

I mean. Wow. Reads like I wrote it to make my point, doesn’t it?

Labs are for experimentation, testing hypotheses, hands-on learning, developing skills, critical thinking, and preparation for the future. So, in honor of Father’s Day, let’s play a fun little game here. Let’s see what happens if we look at what happens in a lab as if it’s happening in our homes.

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