Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
General Christian
Family, Parenting and Religion
5 Quick Steps to Calm a Stressed-Out Child (Part 1)

5 Quick Steps to Calm a Stressed-Out Child (Part 1)

Last updated on: April 15, 2025 at 5:00 am by Shaunti Feldhahn

0 Comments

5 Quick Steps to Calm a Stressed-Out Child (Part 1) 2025-04-14T19:38:51-04:00 Shaunti Feldhahn

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Step 2: Listen. Really, just listen.

My conversion moment on this came when I was in the middle of three years of conducting and analyzing the research and data for the For Parents Only project.

My daughter, then between the years of age 6 and age 9, would sometimes melt down over insecurities or fears that people didn’t like her. Often, I would urge her to just cheer up. Even worse (face palm) I would try to help her reason her way out of her emotional tailspin. (“Look at all the people who do like you, sweetheart!”)

Meanwhile, in the research, we started hearing from all these tweens and teens about how they just wanted someone to listen to their feelings. It took me a few years but eventually something clunked into place in my brain.

So, sure enough, next time my daughter flopped emotionally down on her bed, I pulled back my tendency to say, “Snap out of it drama queen” (because that would have been helpful), and I just listened. I asked her to tell me how it felt when so-and-so said such-and-such at school. And I listened. I asked her a few more questions about her feelings. And I listened.

As she started to calm down, inside I was thinking, Wow this really does work!

It’s so important to listen to what your child is saying and, more than that, to how they’re feeling. For example, let’s say they’re stressed because they had the flu two weeks ago, missed some school, and feel unprepared for the math exam on Friday. Are they feeling overwhelmed? Inadequate? Frustrated? Knowing how they’re feeling is just as important as why they’re feeling it (and can equip you with the knowledge required to help later on).

It’s instinctual to want to jump into fix-it mode, but that’s not what they need most. It can slide into an argument or shutting down. (This is true with our spouses, too. Look back on my blog 5 Powerful Ways to Stop Arguments Before They Start for ideas on how to handle tense moments in that department.)

To get a sense for what might be going on under the surface, here are two tools. First, if you have littles, my friend and former senior editor Katie Kenney Phillips wrote a beautiful book—and a guest blog—on helping young children understand their feelings. You’ll love her children’s book, Today I Feel Like a Jelly Donut, A Book About Emotions. And if you have older tweens and teenagers, pick up a copy of For Parents Only: Getting Inside the Head of Your Kid, which is based on that research study of thousands of teens and tweens.

I’ll be back next week with three more steps that will really help you calm a stressed child. The last step is something we tend to do first. (But it’s last for a reason, so make sure to come back to discover what it is and why.)

Improve your relationships with simple, actionable steps backed by proven research! Visit
SurprisingHope.com to learn about our courses.

Do you want Shaunti to share these life-changing truths at your church or event? Send
us a speaking inquiry request today!

Please note: This post contains affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn a small
amount from qualifying purchases through these affiliate links. This doesn’t cost you
anything.

General Christian

i feel like a jelly donut

parenting

Previous Post

April 8, 2025

How to Deal with Difficult People (part 2)

Next Post

April 22, 2025 5 Quick Steps to Calm a Stressed-Out Child (Part 2)

Recent Comments

0 | Leave a Comment

"I really appreciated the emphasis on approaching these conversations with empathy and curiosity rather than ..."

lorena rrossi

6 Ways to Talk about Gender ..."

"Of course - per Old Testament precedent - God himself, or Jehovah per se... is ..."

chris sonofpear1

How to Deal with Difficult People ..."

"Security patrols deter crime, ensure safety, and provide rapid response. Learn how they protect your ..."

bagherzadehmj

How to Find True Rest – ..."

"I'm gonna be quite honest...I work 3 jobs to make ends meet for my family, ..."

Gene

Why Doesn’t my Wife Feel Secure?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Christmas church current events dissent Editor's Choice family gifts growth humor kindness marriage men money news other parenting personal personal sex singleness teenagers Uncategorized women work

Select a Month October 2026 September 2025 August 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Why did Jesus wash His disciples' feet?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Tradition only To clean them for eating They asked Him to To show humble service

Books by This Author Books by Shaunti Feldhahn

See All Titles »