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For Men Only: An Insider Tip That Could Change Your Marriage

For Men Only: An Insider Tip That Could Change Your Marriage

Last updated on: October 15, 2024 at 5:00 am by Shaunti Feldhahn

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For Men Only: An Insider Tip That Could Change Your Marriage 2024-10-14T16:26:48-04:00 Shaunti Feldhahn

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Guys, I’m going to let you in on a secret today that could change your marriage.

It’s easier to show than tell, so watch these two short sports videos first. A while back, I came across this Instagram reel that captures former Detroit Lions quarterback David Blough (now an NFL assistant coach) watching his wife Melissa Gonzalez race in an Olympic preliminary qualifier.

And who could forget this summer’s Olympics when Hunter Woodhall screamed “You’re the Olympic champion!” as his wife Tara Davis-Woodhall jumped into his arms after winning gold in the long jump.

Guys, you may not get as outwardly pumped as David Blough and Hunter Woodhall, but these videos capture the exact same underlying exhilaration and pride that many men feel inside as they watch their wives “run the race” as an amazing mom, small group leader, or skilled executive.

I have interviewed and surveyed more than 20,000 men in the last twenty years, and I’ve seen this truth: You love your wife’s wins! And these two words in response could change your marriage:

Tell her.

If you feel pride in your wife, but don’t express it, you could be missing an opportunity to meet one of her greatest needs.

But doesn’t she just know how I feel?

When Jeff and I were analyzing our nationally representative survey of women for our book For Men Only, we found that for many women, “I do” will always mean … “Do you?”

A whopping seven out of ten women said that their relationship—and how their man felt about them—was anywhere from occasionally to nearly always on their minds.

We checked this by asking the question a different way, and it revealed an even stronger response! Four out of five women acknowledged sometimes feeling insecure about their man’s love and the relationship.

Your wife needs reassurance of your delight in her. Again and again and … again.

So many men are confused by this. When Jeff and I speak at marriage events, we use a polling program that allows people to ask live, anonymous questions that we cast onscreen. Inevitably, one of the main questions is: WHY? Why does she not just assume I love her?

Guys, here’s the reason. No matter how secure and confident your wife seems at work and home, she has this subconscious question running under the surface:

Would he choose me all over again?

This is not an all-the-time, conscious question unless your marriage is in overt difficulty, or if you’re in a season of being grumpy, withdrawn, or not paying much attention to her (in which case, overt difficulty usually follows). But because roughly 80% of women ask deep down, “Am I loveable?” it morphs in marriage to, “Does he really love me?”

Which brings us back to David Blough and Hunter Woodhall. You can’t cheer on your wife enough! You know the sacrifices she’s made. You see how hard she works. It’s time to tell her.

Here’s a cheat sheet for how to make sure your wife knows you’re in her corner:

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